Orpheus: The Tale of Marceline
by Dr.Indigo
Summary: After being rejected by Princess Bubblegum, Marceline travels across the multiverse to find her perfect match. Unfortunately, she soon learns that finding her is the easy part, but bringing her back to Ooo is going to be Hell. Rated M for coarse language and other adult themes. Reader discretion is advised.
1. Ch1: A Pale Pink Gumdrop

This is a project I've been wanting to get to for a while now, so let's just jump right in. Adventure Time is the property of Cartoon Network and Hazbin Hotel is the creation of Vivienne M. Medrano aka Vivziepop. With that said, Enjoy.

Chapter 1: A Pale Pink Gumdrop

In the depths of space, or some breathable simulacrum thereof, Marceline the Vampire Queen stood atop one of the dozens of floating chunks of rock and sighed as she remembered the events that had led her to this moment.

It had been almost one month since that fateful night at the Candy Kingdom's Royal Palace. In celebration of her victory over her Uncle Gumbald in the Gum War, and for successfully averting the Golb Apocalypse the year before, Princess Bonnibel Bubblegum decided to host a sort of day long 'Field Day' and invited everyone who had been involved with the conflicts; as well as several others who had not been involved but were still good for boosting morale.

All in all, the festivities went off without a hitch. Various sports tournaments were held throughout the midmorning to late afternoon, followed by a banquet / awards ceremony in the early evening, which then turned into a dance party that lasted well on into the following day. By around 3am most of the partygoers had gone home, save for a few stragglers who didn't know when to call it quits, so it had seemed like the perfect opportunity for Marceline to unveil something she'd been cooking up for quite some time. To that end, she lured the pretty pink princess out onto a nearby balcony for an extra special surprise.

_Oh… Oh my… that's… that's really just… wow…_

_Yeah, I know it's kinda gaudy and I know you don't usual go for this kind of stuff, but when I saw it in the store it made me think of you, so… do you like it?_

_Wow… Marceline, I don't know what to say. It's just so… wow…_

_You don't like it? _

_No, I mean yes! I mean… it's lovely. I just… I didn't even know you wanted… that._

_Yeah, well, I know we never talked about it, but things 've been going so great lately. You're staying over at my place a lot and pretty much everybody already knows so I figured, why not make it official?_

_… _

_What? Did I say something wrong? _

_No, it's not that, it's just… How exactly do you picture us being together… in that way? _

_What do you mean?_

_I mean, if you could control everything, what would be your ideal version of our life together? _

_Well… I've always kinda had this fantasy. We'd live in a little house somewhere out in the country, away from all the big city noise. And we'd have a little garden in the backyard. I'd support us with my music and every night when I came home, you'd be there with dinner ready and you'd smile at me… _

_Okay, but you know that's not what __**I**__ want, right?_

_Okay, then you can support us and I'll make dinner._

_That's not the point, Marceline. I have a Kingdom to run. Thousands of people depend on me._

_Then I'll just move in here. Look, I don't really care where we live or what we do. What matters is that we're together and we love each other._

_… _

_Bonnie… you do love me, right? _

_Of course I do, it's just… it's complicated._

_Then uncomplicate it. _

_Look, it's just… I'm more comfortable with the kind of relationship we have now. The kind where we can get together and have fun without any kind of… obligations or restrictions. The kind where I can just relax and shut my brain off once in a while. The kind of thing you're talking about would introduce too many variables. It's too dangerous._

_Dangerous? You think marrying me would be dangerous? _

_No, that's not what I meant. It's just that right now I can split my time evenly between my Kingdom, my experiments and you. But if we were married I couldn't do that. You'd be here all the time, I'd have to reevaluate my priorities. Certain projects would have to be shelved. I'd have to choose between spending time with you or my people. No, no, it just wouldn't work. _

**_Ugh_**_! You're overthinking it! Bonnie, look, I know… I know this is a big step, but I really think we could make it work. And I know we'd be so happy together. Don't you at least wanna try?_

_I… No, I'm sorry, Marceline. I just don't think it's a good idea._

_Why? Because some of your high maintenance idiots might hurt themselves if you're not around all the time? Heck, maybe if you let them get hurt they might learn something for once._

_Hey, I know you're upset, but don't talk that way about my people. _

_You're 'people' are nothing but brainless, ungrateful eating-machines. And all they do is stress you out and make you miserable. You deserve so much better. _

_You don't understand. I don't think you've ever understood. _

_I understand that you're the smartest, warmest, most beautiful person I've ever met, and all I want is to make you happy. So please, just give this a chance. Just say yes and I know we can make it work. I know I can make you happy. _

_Marcy, I… I understand where you're coming from. After everything you've been through, you just want something stable in your life. Something permanent. But that's just it. Nothing's permanent. Nothing lasts forever. And that ring, some vows, a big ceremony, they're just symbols. They don't really mean anything. Not in the long run. _

_Well they mean a lot to me!_

_I see that now. And I'm sorry if I ever gave you the wrong idea. But the truth is, I'm just not the marrying type._

_So what? We just stay 'friends with benefits' for the rest of eternity? Is that it? _

_I don't know. Maybe. _

_Maybe? What do you mean 'maybe'?_

_I just mean that we don't know what's gonna happen in the next thousand years. We don't know how we're gonna feel or what we're gonna want that far in the future. _

_I… I guess that makes sense. But still, when you picture yourself in the future, I'm right there with you, right?_

_…_

_Right?_

_…_

_Right!_

_Not… Not always._

_What! _

_Well… it's not like I'm picturing myself with anyone else. It's just… sometimes… I'm by myself. And I think I'd be okay that. _

_Are you kidding me! _

_Marcy, I… I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm just being honest. Besides, we're together now. Isn't that enough?_

**_No_**_! _

_But I… _

_I mean, come on, Bonnie! If you can picture a future for yourself without me and that doesn't just break your heart, then we aren't doing what I though we were! So maybe we shouldn't be doing it at all!_

_Are… are you breaking up with me?_

_Are you gonna marry me? _

_You know why I can't. _

_Then we're done! It's over! _

_But Marcy… _

_I SAID IT'S OVER, YOU JERK! _

And that was it.

A few hours later, after she'd calmed down, the Vampire Queen started to feel bad about some of the things she'd said. Especially in regards to the Candy People; knowing how protective Bonnie is of them. But it took her about a week to summon the courage to go back and apologize; which she did profusely and with little regard for her own dignity.

To her credit, Bonnie accepted her apology, and even forgave some of her more callous remarks; writing them off as the words of someone with a broken heart. She even expressed her desire to remain friends, which from Marceline's perspective was about as comforting as a punch to the stomach. Not that it mattered, the deed was done. They were no longer together, and after that performance they likely never would be again.

And now here she was, staring down the barrel of an eternity of heartbreak, loneliness and waking up next to nobody.

That is, unless she did something drastic.

To that end, she held out her right hand and released the object she'd been holding; allowing it to slowly drift away thanks to the low gravity. It was a small, golden band adorned with a pale pink diamond cut into the shape of a gumdrop.

Beautiful, if a bit tacky.

But it represented the past.

So after taking one long last look, she turned away from her past and looked toward her future.

A gigantic, yellow Menger Cube that sat at the exact center of the multiverse.

The Time Room.

End Notes:

Just to clarify something. This story takes place about one year after the events of "Come Along With Me" and about six months after the events of "That's Entertainment". With that said, thanks so much for reading. Please remember to follow, fav, or leave a review before you leave. And I you all like this new story.

Peace.


	2. Ch2: The Pygmalion Proposition

Just want to give a quick shout out to Miss-Scales on DeviantArt for making the cover art for this story. Seriously, she'd super talented, fun to work with and her prices are reasonable. Look her up if you're ever looking for a quality fanfic cover. With that said, Adventure Time is the property of Cartoon Network and Hazbin Hotel is the creation of Vivienne M. Medrano aka Vivziepop. With that said, Enjoy.

Chapter 2: The Pygmalion Proposition

Although she would never admit something like this out loud, Marceline was feeling pretty nervous as she floated down the hall to the Time Room's central chamber. She had never met Prismo before, and Jake's descriptions of him had been vague and sometimes contradictory, so she really wasn't sure what to expect from the all-powerful Wish Master. But still she pressed on. She had already come this far, so there was no sense in turning back now.

As she reached the end of the hall, the Vampire Queen found herself standing on the edge of a twenty foot drop; beyond which laid a large open room with identical entrances on each of the adjacent walls. For the lair of a supposedly godlike being, the inner chamber of the Time Room was remarkably unimpressive. The only furniture was a small wicker waste basket in the far left corner, and the only decoration was some sort of enormous mural depicting a pink, 2-Dimentional humanlike figure that extended from the floor to the surrounding walls. No sign of the Wish Master himself though.

Or so it appeared.

For upon further inspection, Marceline realized that the 'mural' was snoring.

"Uh… Prismo?" she asked tentatively to the sleeping wall creature. "Yo, wake up!"

"_BWAH!_" the 'mural' exclaimed as it was jolted back to consciousness. "I-I-I wasn't sleeping, Sir! I swear, I was just resting my eyes and… wait, you're not my supervisor."

"Eh… no, I'm Marceline."

"Oh, right, the Vampire Queen. Yeah, Jake told me you were coming." The wall creature said in a casual but good-natured manner. "Sorry about that. I just kinda dozed off and… You ever have one of those dreams where you're at the office and you just finished some big report, but then your supervisor comes over and he's all 'Dude, where are your pants?' and then you look down and you're all 'Dude, where are my pants?', but then after you wake up you're all 'Wait, I don't work in an office, and I never wear pants.'? You ever have one of those?"

"Can't say I have." The Vampire Queen replied, feeling slightly dizzy from the wall creature's longwinded question. "Are you Prismo?"

"The one and only." He answered proudly. "So, I assume you're here for your wish?"

"How'd you guess?" she asked sarcastically as she gently floated down so she could stand before him; or on top of him, depending on how you looked at it.

"It's what everyone comes here for. But you know, I've got friends who like me for me, so I don't let it bug me too much."

"Cool." Marceline replied, her voice faltering just a bit as she remembered why she was there. "Speaking of friends, I'm guessing Jake already told you what happened between me and Bonnie, right?"

"Yeah… he told me." The Wish Master said with a sympathetic tone. "But listen, I know you're feeling super vulnerable right now and you're probably not thinking clearly. So I'm just gonna warn you ahead of time. All my wishes come with crazy side effects. It's like a Monkey…"

"Yeah, yeah, 'It's like a Monkey's Paw'. I know the bit. It's not exactly original." Marceline snapped, before instantly regretting it. "I… I'm sorry. I'm not really myself these days."

"It's cool. But like I was saying, my wishes have consequences. Especially ones that deal with time travel. So my advice to you is…"

"Time travel?" the Vampire Queen asked confusedly. "What are you talking about?"

"Isn't that what you were gonna wish for? To go back in time and stop yourself from proposing to Princess Bubblegum so you two never breakup?"

"No! Glob no!" Marceline replied, feeling slightly offended by the Wall Creature's question. "I'm not stupid. I know better than to try and change the past. Besides, they'd be no point. I already know Bonnie never wants to get married, so our relationship has no future. Not unless something happens to change her personality. And _no_, I don't wanna wish for that either!"

"Oh… well, okay then. That's a load off my mind, I guess. But then what do you wanna wish for?"

"Yeah… that's where this gets a little awkward." She admitted, feeling intensely embarrassed about what she was about to say. "You see… I was kinda… sorta… hoping you'd… create someone for me to marry instead of Bonnie."

Even as the words left her mouth, Marceline understood the gravity of what she was asking. This was not the sort of wish anyone who knew her would expect the Vampire Queen to make. And apparently, Prismo knew this too, for his one visible eye had gone wide with disbelief.

"Uh… you mind repeating that?" he said, sounding completely dumbfounded.

"I want you to create my perfect woman for me, so I can marry her instead of Bonnie." She replied, sounding a little more confident this time.

Unfortunately, this did nothing to improve Prismo's position; the Wish Master seemed just as gobsmacked as before.

"O…kay… that's a new one."

"But you can still do it, right?"

"Well, of course I _can_. It's just… Look, technically I'm just supposed to grant people's wishes, no questions asked, but since you and Jake are tight, I feel like I gotta intercede on this one. Your plan is kinda… Oh jeez, how can I say this without offending you… the opposite of sane."

"I know it sounds crazy, but this isn't something I just decided to do today. I've been thinking about this a lot the last few weeks and I'm sure this is what I want."

"Hey, I know you're hurting, believe me, I've been there. But this just doesn't sound healthy. What you need to do is get back out there and start dating again. Who knows? Maybe you'll meet someone new? Someone _real_."

"Yeah, because that was _so_ much fun the first time." Marceline replied bitterly. "Well I don't know what dating is like for you, but for me it's a nightmare. Do you have any idea what kind of people actually want to go out with a thousand year old, immortal vampire? Most of them are creeps and the rest are busybodies who think it's their job to try and 'fix' me."

"Wow… that's… that's pretty bad."

"That's not even the worst part. Even when I do manage to meet someone nice, the second they meet my Dad, or see me when I'm hungry, or find out about some of the stuff I had to do after the Mushroom War, they get all freaked out and bail."

"Dang. That's harsh, girl."

"Tell me about it." The Vampire Queen said as she started to tear up. "Bonnie was the only one who ever really understood me. She never tried to judge me or change me or use me like the others. I could just be myself with her; we both could. It didn't matter what anyone else thought, we were happy. Do you have any idea what it's like to be with someone who knows everything about you, good and bad, but still loves you anyway?"

"I can't say I do." The Wish Master answered, sounding a little ashamed.

"Well that's what it was like for me. But now that's all over. And I'll probably never feel that way again. Not unless you grant my wish."

"Not… like… necessarily." Prismo replied, clearly still trying to dissuade her. "I mean, you found someone on your own once. Who's to say you can't do it again?"

"It took me over eight hundred years just to find Bonnie. And another two hundred before we became a real couple. She was one in a million, maybe more. I can't just go back to dating creeps and flakers for another thousand years and hope I meet someone else just as good. I just… I don't think my heart can take it."

By this point, the tears were streaming down her face like a pair of tiny waterfalls. Marceline was long past the point of caring how she looked. At the moment she had little concern for appearing 'cool' in front of strangers. And with that façade gone all that remained was raw, unprocessed emotion.

But this seemed to do the trick. For a few moments later, a box of tissues suddenly materialized in her left hand; which managed to shake her out of her crying fit.

From his position on the wall in front of her, Prismo looked down on the Vampire Queen with an expression of pity mixed with guilt.

"I… guess I don't really have a right to judge you." He admitted in a tone that matched how he looked. "I mean, I'm all about the single life. Whenever I meet a girl I like, even before I ask her out, I'm looking for an exit strategy. All I need are my friends and some occasional action on the side and I'm good. But… that's clearly not for you. So, if you really feel this strongly about this, I guess I have no choice but to grant your wish."

"You mean it?" Marceline asked hopefully as she wiped away some of her tears. "Thank you!"

"Don't mention it." The Wish Master replied with a sincere smile. "Listen, I'll do my best to try and avoid any ironic consequences, but you're gonna need to be _really_ specific with what you want. I mean like really, _really_ specific. Understand?"

"Yes, I understand." She answered, having regained a bit of her composure. "So, how does this work?"

"Well, you can start by telling me what you're looking for in a wife. What makes your perfect woman so perfect?"

Naturally, the Vampire Queen had to think about this. After all, this was going to be the woman she'd spend the rest of eternity with, so she needed to choose her words carefully.

"Well… first of all, I'd like her to be beautiful." She began, before backpedaling just a bit when she realized how that sounded. "Not that that's the most important thing! I mean, I'm not superficial. I just think that if I'm gonna be spending eternity with this person it'd be nice if she was… objectively beautiful."

"Hey, you don't need to justify yourself to me, girl. So what kind of beautiful are we talking about?"

"Well, I was thinking she'd be around my age, you know physically. Somewhere close to my height and build. With long, flowing luxurious hair. You know, something I can really run my fingers through. And she's gotta have eyes that sparkle like jewels. Oh, and her smile, it's gotta be one of those big, warm ones. The kind that lights up a whole room."

"Okay, I'm starting to get a picture. What else?"

"She's gotta love music. Real music. Not that poppy, prepackaged trash. Stuff with real emotion. Real heart and soul. And she should love to sing. Give her a voice that pairs well with mine so we can sing duets."

"Check. Check. What else?"

"And she needs to be smart too. Maybe not as smart as Bonnie, but she can't just be some ditzy airhead. I want someone I can have a real conversation with."

"Doable. What else?"

"She'll need a good sense of humor. I don't want some stuck-up stiff, I want a girl who loves to laugh. And to make other people laugh. And speaking of laughs, she should have a really cute one. The kind that warms up your heart whenever you hear it."

"Also doable. Anything else?"

"Yeah, I'll be the first to admit I can be a little gloomy sometimes. So it'd be nice to have someone who could balance it out. Make her sunny, cheerful and perky. But not too perky, you could throw up from that. Give her a little bit of an edge too. You know, a little darkness mixed in with the light. Sunny girls with a dark side are super-hot."

"I'll take your word for it. Anything else?"

"Yeah, and it's a big one. I love a girl who loves to have fun, but I need more than that. I want my bride to have depth. She needs to be able to understand real sadness and be able to empathize with me on a deep emotional level. She needs to understand or at least have an idea of what it's like to be me. To be an immortal, ageless vampire. To be half demon. To be the daughter of someone who's basically the Devil. We need a deep, emotional connection so we can comfort each other when we're sad. Because let's face it, sadness is a huge part of my life."

"So I've noticed. Is there anything else?"

"Just one, but it's like the most important. You see I… I know I'm not perfect. I don't always do the right thing. Heck, I usually do the wrong thing just for the fun of it. So… if I'm going to have a wife, I'd like her to be someone who can… maybe… help me to become a better person. But you know, in a loving, nurturing, nonjudgmental way. You know what I mean?"

"Yeah, I think I get the picture." The Wish Master said warmly. "Well, if there's nothing else, just say the word and I'll whip you up an insta-bride."

"Okay." Said Marceline, pausing briefly to take a deep breath; this was a big moment after all. "I wish…"

"Stop!" Prismo said abruptly; his voice containing a note of quiet urgency. "I'm sorry, but I can't let you go through with this. Not without all the facts."

"What are you talking about?"

"The truth is… even if I get this exactly right and the girl I make is everything you've ever wanted, she won't really love you. I mean, she will, but not because she wants to. It'll be because that's her whole purpose for existing. She'll basically just be a living doll."

And just like that, Marceline's heart sank.

"But hey, I'm not here to judge. So if you can live with that, then more power to you. So… is this really what you want?"

The Vampire Queen hung her head in shame.

"No…" she replied sullenly. "But I don't know what else to do. Bonnie won't marry me. And who knows if I'll ever meet someone even close to my perfect match the right way. So I guess it's either loneliness… or a doll."

Suddenly, the Wish Master let out a strange but familiar sound. That kind of uncomfortable grunting noise a person makes when they desperately want to tell someone something but they know they probably shouldn't.

"What is it?" she asked him curiously.

"_Uh_… I could get in a lot of trouble for telling you this, but… I don't need to create your perfect woman. She already exists."

Marceline's heart skipped a beat.

"W-What?"

"I said your perfect woman already exists. Just… not in your universe… or any version of your universe. She's from a completely different multiverse."

"I don't understand. I thought the multiverse contained every possible version of reality. How can there be more than one?"

"It's… complicated. And anyway it's beside the point. What matters is that while I don't normally have any jurisdiction over timelines outside our multiverse, I can sometimes observe them if the weather's not too bad. And I've seen enough of one timeline in particular to know that there's a girl there who's got everything you're looking for. Seriously, like the whole time you were listing qualities for your perfect wife, her face kept popping into my head. It's almost uncanny. And… if you're willing to make it your wish instead, I can arrange for you two to meet."

"R-Really?" She stammered, a bit of hope returning to her voice.

"Yeah, but listen, this isn't like your standard Prismo Wish. Traveling between alternate timelines is one thing. But traveling to a universe outside your own multiverse is like all kinds of dangerous. Just you being there for more than a few seconds could set off a butterfly effect of who-knows-what. Plus, before I can even grant the wish, I gotta prove to my superiors that you have a good enough reason. Then they gotta have a sit down with their superiors and get their permission to give me permission. The whole thing should take about a week. And even if I can get this thing approved, there's gonna be a time limit to how long you can stay there. And there'll be a lot of rules you have to follow. And you'll only get one chance, so if you can't make it work before time runs out, you'll never be allowed to try again. _Ever_. Not even if you get someone else to wish for you. So, with all that in mind, do you still wanna give this a try?"

"I… I'm not sure." Marceline admitted, her head still spinning from all this new information. "Can I at least have a look at her before I decide?"

"_Hmmm_…. I'm not getting any reception from that universe right now, but I think I might have a clip of her from a few months ago. Hold on."

A few seconds later, the leftmost wall of the Time Room turned into an enormous block of static.

"Ah dang it." Prismo cursed. "The file must've got all corrupted. Hold on, maybe I can fix it."

The Vampire Queen wasn't sure what, if anything, the Wish Master did, but after a minute or so the static started to clear. The picture was still pretty bad, but at the very least she could sort of see what was going on.

Someone was crying.

Then, from out of the white noise and distorted images, there came a voice.

_At the end of the rainbow there's happiness~_

_And to find it, how often I've tried~_

_But my life is a race, just a wild goose chase~_

_And my dreams have all been denied~_

Good.

Freakin'.

_Glob_.

That voice. That heavenly voice. Soft as the velvet pillows in a Princess' boudoir. Sweet as wild honey dripping from a jungle tree trunk. It was like the voice of an angel.

_Why have I always been a failure~_

_What can the reason be~_

_I wonder if the world's to blame~_

_I wonder if it could be me~_

Oh, and that emotion. That raw, unfiltered sorrow saturating every luscious syllable. Now this was a woman who understood pain. Who understood real sadness and loss. And she could channel it into something this beautiful. The mark of a true artist.

_I'm always chasing rainbows~_

_Watching clouds drifting by~_

_My schemes are just like all my dreams~_

_Ending in the sky~ _

For a split second, the screen went completely clear and Marceline finally got a good look at who was singing. And oh sweet mama, what a sight she was. Hair like glistening gold. Skin as white as milk. Eyes like pale yellow diamonds. And all wrapped up in an adorably fetching pinkish red tuxedo. _Oh_… even with tears running down her rosy cheeks, she was a vision of loveliness. A Muse from Mount Olympus made flesh. An angel sent from Heaven to teach the mortal world what perfection really is.

Her heart was all aflutter. It was all the Vampire Queen could do to keep from fainting. If she weren't already undead, she was certain she'd die from the sheer volume of joy that was washing over her like a tidal wave.

A second later, the screen turned back into a wall and Marceline, as if on cue, fell backwards onto the floor. She just laid there, spread-eagled, cheeks as pink as Princess Bubblegum's and eyes glazed over like she was drunk. Occasionally she'd let out a sigh or an uncharacteristically girlish giggle, which was the Wish Master's only evidence that she hadn't lost consciousness.

"So… what do you think?" Prismo asked, sounding more than a little confused by the Vampire Queen's behavior.

"She's perfect." Marceline replied dreamily. "That voice. That face. That emotional depth. She's like an angel."

She paused briefly to sigh again before she asked.

"Who is she?"

To which the Wish Master dryly replied.

"She's the Princess of Hell."

End Notes:

I'm fairly certain that "I'm Always Chasing Rainbows" is in the public domain. But just in case I'm wrong, it was written and composed by Harry Carroll and Joseph McCarthy for the 1917 Broadway musical "Oh Look!" I do not own it. With that said, thanks for reading and I'll see you in the next one.

Peace.


	3. Ch3: A Nose for News

Warning! From this point on, the majority of the story will take place in the Hazbin Hotel Universe. As such, there will be coarse language and references to violence, drugs, alcohol and sexual themes. If you can't handle that, please don't read. With that said, Adventure Time is the property of Cartoon Network and Hazbin Hotel is the creation of Vivienne M. Medrano aka Vivziepop. Yadda. Yadda. Yadda. Enjoy.

Chapter 3: A Nose for News

On the upper westside of Pentagram City, a cherry red Toyota Camry tore through the busy streets; knocking over garbage cans, traffic signs and pedestrians with reckless abandon. And while this was hardly anything new for Hell, what made this particular bout of vehicular mayhem so special was that the driver was somebody famous.

Who, you ask?

None other than Channel 666 News Anchor and all around terrible person, Ms. Katie Killjoy.

And what, you might ask, as well you should, was such a high-profile muckraker doing playing Mad Max with the Inferno's unluckiest undesirables? Well, believe it or not, it was completely unintentional. For you see, at the moment, Ms. Killjoy was much too busy talking on her cellphone to pay attention to the road.

"I don't see what the big deal is." The insectoid demon said to her mobile device. "He told me not to go easy on her and I didn't. End of story."

"He told you to discredit her Redemption Plan." Replied the voice of her station manager, Joe Hack-It. "Not take potshots at her sexuality or attack her on live television."

"Well, in my defense he did not make that clear. And anyway, that was like six months ago. Why is he bringing this shit up now?"

"Because demons are finally starting to forget. The Princess and her Hotel are old news. Which is exactly how the Big Man wants it."

"Okay, but why are you lecturing _me _about all this?"

"Because I know you, Killjoy. I know how much you love to twist the knife. And I know that little scandal gave your show its highest ratings in two years. So I figured you must be scheming some kind of follow-up exposé to get things going again."

"Oh please, as if that little faggot is even worth the effort."

"Don't bullshit me!" Hack-It shouted angrily. "And this is not a request. The Princess is off-limits. _Period_. There will be no follow-ups. No unflattering remarks. No mention of her whatsoever."

"You can't be serious. So even if I just happen to catch Little Miss Dancy Pants doing something stupid, I'm supposed to keep my mouth shut?"

"Exactly."

"And since when do you give a flying fuck about other people's feelings?"

"Since one of Lucifer's Gestapo, Federale, Fallen Angel, Suit Jockeys kicked in my door last night and threatened to shove a knife up my dick-hole."

"So in other words, you're censoring me just to save your own neck."

"I'm trying to save both our necks. Do you have any idea how ruthless Lucifer is? You don't get to be King of Hell by being a pussy."

"_Psssh_. I'm not scared of that saw-toothed jackass. In case you've forgotten, _he_ doesn't own my soul. Vox does. And Vox _loves_ it when I fuck shit up."

"Bitch, don't even play that card. Vox is just as scared of Lucifer as everyone else. And if the Big Man puts you in his crosshairs, there's not a damn thing that electric jack-o-lantern can do about it."

"Alright, alright, you made your point. I'll leave the Princess alone. I didn't have much to work with anyway."

"Good. Now I don't wanna have this conversation again. Because if I go down for any of your bullshit, you're gonna break my fall. You got it?"

"Yes, yes, very scary. Are we done now?"

"Just keep your nose clean, Killjoy."

And with that, the call abruptly ended.

"Pencil Dick." Katie cursed as she tossed her cellphone into the backseat. "Great, now what am I supposed to do for Friday's show?"

Suddenly, a bright flash of golden light blinded the demonic reporter, causing her to skid off the road and ram the front of her car straight into a lamppost. Moments later, she managed to pull herself out of the wreckage; dazed but otherwise alright.

"What the fuck was that?" she asked herself aloud as she surveyed the scene.

Across the street there was an alleyway with a faint, ethereal glow spilling out the mouth.

How very interesting.

It was no Goodie Two-Shoes Demon Princess sobbing on the toilet, but if there was any justice or fairness in this putrid, stinking universe, then it might be something just as entertaining.

XXX

A short distance away, in the backmost part of the alley, a mysterious vortex of golden radiance hung in the air for several minutes, allowing a familiar figure to float through gracefully, before vanishing in another blinding flash.

Marceline had arrived.

And she was feeling pretty damn excited.

After waiting almost an entire week for Prismo's bosses to give him the OK, her wish had finally been granted, and now here she was. In Hell. Not the Nightosphere, but the actual Hell. Just like the one described in the old books from before the Mushroom War. Only in this universe, the stories in those texts had been true.

Weird, huh?

Anyway, the wait had been unbearable, but at least it had given her time to prepare. She'd convinced Simon to look after her house and Schwabl while she was gone; which was especially impressive considering she hadn't told him where she was going or why. It had also given her time to decide what to bring and what to wear. She knew her target loved music, so her bass was a must. As for apparel, she knew next to nothing about the conditions in Hell, so she needed an outfit that both looked good and would protect her sensitive skin from any unknown elements. To that end, she picked out a classic; brown leather boots, tight denim jeans, red tank top, arm length gardening gloves, and a straw sun hat to top it off.

Oh yeah, she was lookin' fine.

Regardless, by the time she'd gotten everything set up, Prismo had gotten the greenlight from his superiors and summoned her back to the Time Room. Once there, he went over the rules of her quest. First of all, her true identity had to be kept a secret; meaning she could not tell anyone that she had come from another universe. When she asked why, the Wish Master simply replied 'To minimize the damage'; whatever that means. What's more, if she did reveal this information to anybody, then she'd be ejected from this universe within 24 hours. Why 24 hours? Who knows? Lastly, she only had until something called 'the Cleansing' to accomplish her goal. If before then she could get the Princess to fall in love with her, then the powers that be would allow Marceline to take her back to Ooo to be her wife. And apparently that was the only scenario the unseen forces were willing to accept. When she'd asked what would happen if they decided to stay in this universe instead, Prismo bluntly stated that it was out of the question. Evidently, his bosses had plans for her that required her to stay on Ooo.

So, just to recap, Marceline had an unspecified amount of time to convince a woman she knew little about to fall in love with her and convince her to move to a completely different universe, without telling her that she was from a completely different universe.

This was not going to be easy. But then if romance was easy, it wouldn't be nearly as much fun.

Besides, it's not like she was going into this completely blind. She knew the Princess loved music; something they both had in common. And she knew her name, Charlotte Magne, so hopefully it wouldn't be too hard to find her address; if such things existed in Hell.

So for the moment, the only question was where to start.

Well, figuring out where in Hell she was might be a good place.

Once her eyes finally adjusted to the light, the Vampire Queen could clearly see that Prismo had dumped her in some back alley. Which made sense, she supposed, since his bosses were all about discretion. However, this understanding quickly turned to anger when her sense of smell returned soon after.

"**_AH_**! _Jesus Christ_!" she exclaimed as her nose was assaulted by the pungent stench of rotting garbage, cheap booze, piss and human excrement. "I mean, come on! I know this is Hell, but does the whole fucking place have smell like ass!"

Marceline paused for a moment to reflect on what she'd just said. Those words. She comprehended their meaning, and yet they felt so alien as they left her mouth. Just before leaving, Prismo had used his powers to augment her vocabulary to help her fit in better. He even downloaded some basic information about the living world directly into her brain. Anything to enhance the charade.

Eh, whatever.

After another minute or so, the stench lost most of its impact and Marceline was able to adjust. So, no longer on the verge of vomiting, she floated onward in search of an exit. But as she did, the Vampire Queen allowed her mind to wander. What a curiosity this new universe was. She knew from the intel she'd been given by Prismo that the world above this sulfurous hellscape was remarkably similar to the one she'd been born into just before the Mushroom War. So had this world avoided the nuclear nightmare that befell her own? But if that was the case, then human society would've advanced over the last millennium, not remained the same. Had the human race of this reality grown stagnant? Or perhaps this universe was merely a thousand years younger than her own, so the events that triggered the apocalypse hadn't happened yet? Was that even possible?

Eh, who cares?

All that mattered to Marceline at the moment was figuring out what/when this 'Cleansing' thing was, so she'd know how much time she had, and learning where her lovely Charlotte lived.

With this in mind, the Vampire Queen continued down the alley. But after a while she began to grow suspicious. No matter how far she floated, she never seemed to get any closer to the exit. Yet the alley couldn't have been more than fifty yards long. Also, she didn't know why, but she couldn't shake the feeling that she was being watched, even though she was clearly alone.

That's when it hit her.

Marceline had seen something like this before. Years ago, in the Nightosphere. Certain demons, usually mid to upper level ones, possessed the ability to warp space within a given area. Granted, this wasn't the Nightosphere, but the principal was probably the same. Maybe.

Only one way to find out.

"Okay, you can come out now." She said boldly to whomever was pulling the strings. "I know the routine. I'm not just gonna keep walking until I pass out from exhaustion. Hell, my feet aren't even touching the ground. So let's cut the bullshit and get this over with."

"Fine by me."

As if on cue, two dozen snarling beasts suddenly shimmered into existence. Each of them was humanoid in shape and of the canine persuasion; wolves, foxes, jackals, you get the idea. Some were male, some were female. Some stood upright, some walked on all fours. But they all wore black leather jackets with the same insignia on the back; a broken wine bottle being stabbed through the eye of a skull. Obviously this was a gang.

The largest, and presumably leader, of the group was a tall, potbellied demon who appeared to be a mix between a man, a hyena and a wild boar. He wore a jacket, just like the others, but his had gold spikes on the shoulders, as if to signify his rank. He also had a gold chain around his neck and the word 'Bacchus' tattooed on his bloated stomach. In short, he wasn't pleasant to look at.

Or smell.

"So, what have we here?" the hyena-swine asked in a low, throaty voice. "A lost Twilight fan? A lonely gardener looking for some action? Just who the fuck are you, baby?"

"I'm just passing through, pal. I don't want any trouble."

Some of the dog demons started to chuckle.

"I say something funny?"

"Bitch, nobody passes through my territory without trouble." The gang leader said smugly. "Not unless you pay the toll."

"I don't have any money."

"Don't need it. We only take flesh."

"Excuse me?"

"One chaw outta your hide for every step you took on my turf. I take the first bite. Then I pass you to one of my boys, and we take turns until you're all paid up. Let us do that and you're free to go. Resist and we double your debt. Sound good?"

"I didn't take any steps. I've been floating this whole time."

"That's fine. We'll just call it an even twenty."

"Yeah… that's not gonna happen."

"Make that forty."

"Buddy, I've been having a real tough time lately. So trust me, you do _not_ wanna push me right now."

"Eighty."

"I'm not kidding. I really don't wanna have to hurt you guys."

"One-sixty."

"Eh, screw it."

And with that, the Vampire Queen let go of her inhibitions and allowed all the pain and frustration of the last five weeks to bubble up to the surface.

Her teeth grew long.

Her nails became claws.

Black leather wings burst from her back.

By this point, the hyena-swine and his cronies probably realized that they had made a big mistake. But of course, it was much too late.

Whether they wanted to or not, they were going to give Marceline some much needed catharsis.

XXX

Meanwhile, safe in her hiding place behind an overturned dumpster, ace reporter and outspoken homophobe Katie Killjoy was filming the delicious carnage on her backup phone.

She just couldn't believe her luck. What began as a wild goose chase for a mysterious flash had led her straight into the midst of a potential gangrape situation courtesy of the 6th Street Wine-Os and their gruesome leader Bacchus von Brute. However, the script was completely flipped when their would-be victim suddenly transformed into a giant ferocious bat monster and started totally fucking them up.

_Ratings~_

Forget the Princess and her fruity ideas, _this_ is what the people want to see. Violence. Mayhem. Gratuitous Bloodshed. The essence of quality television… at least by Hell standards.

_Oh_~ And speaking of Hell Standards, this bat demon, whoever she was, was _really_ making a good first impression. Such power. Such raw brutality. With the right publicity and representation, this little gal could become a major player in no time. Like a Pit Lord. Maybe even an Overlord.

For a split-second, Katie considered the prospect of becoming her manager, but then snapped back to reality when she realized she had missed the end of the massacre.

Where once had stood a ruthless gang of thugs, there was now a lone she-demon floating over a field of mangled corpses; and without a drop of blood on her outfit. Most impressive.

With the slaughter clearly finished, the demonic reporter retracted her phone and began to go over the footage. Oh yes, _this_ would do nicely for Friday's show. An entire gang murdered by a lone newcomer; the perfect way to kick off the weekend.

Okay, technically no one was 'murdered' since this is Hell and everyone down here is already dead, but who cares? The viewing public didn't need to know that Bacchus and his goons would just reform in a few days. Most of them already knew that and the rest were fucking retards. All that matters is boosting the ratings by any means necessary.

With all this in mind, Katie carefully stuck her head out to make sure the coast was clear. Sure enough, the mysterious bat demon had left. Excellent, now all she had to do was get down to the station and get the footage cleaned up and edited in time for…

_WHOOOOSH!_

The next thing she knew, the ace reporter had her back against the wall with a very large ax blade pressed against her throat.

Curse the universe for giving her such a long neck.

"Who are you?" the bat demon asked in a blunt, no-nonsense tone. "And why were you filming me? Are you a spy?"

"Easy, cupcake. I'm no spy." Katie replied in the calmest and 'friendliest' voice she could muster. "I'm just a reporter looking for a story, and your little skirmish with the Wine-Os was just what I needed for an upcoming show."

"Prove it."

"What's to prove? People love violence."

"That you're a reporter, dumbass!"

"Okay, okay, just calm down and I'll show you." The insectoid said as she reached into her pocket and pulled out her press pass. "See, I told you I'm legit."

The bat demon examined the pass carefully, but then let out a dry chuckle.

"Seriously? Your name is Katie Killjoy?"

"I was going for alliteration."

"Eh, whatever."

And with that, the bat demon put her ax away and started floating toward the exit. However, just as she got halfway, she turned around and flew back.

"Hey, wait a minute. If you're a reporter, then that means you probably know a lot about this place, right? And everyone who lives here?"

"I know a thing or two about a thing or two." Katie replied, feigning modesty.

"Then can you tell me where I can find Charlotte Magne, the Princess of Hell?"

Upon hearing this, Katie couldn't help but snicker.

"Why do you wanna find that loser?"

A question she quickly regretted once the bat demon grabbed her by the throat.

"Because I'm looking for her. And unless you wanna end up in worse shape than those assholes over there, I suggest you watch what you say. Got it, _bitch_?"

Ordinarily, such a comment would have seriously pissed her off; especially coming from someone so much younger than herself. However, having just witnessed what the bat demon was capable of, Katie decided to play it safe and cooperate.

"Got it. The Princess runs a flophouse on the eastside of town. The… Happiness Hotel, or something like that. It's the big, gaudy looking building. You can't miss it."

"Thanks." The bat demon replied; releasing her throat.

Then without another word, she flew up into the sky and out of sight; leaving the ace reporter extremely confused.

Who was that mysterious demon?

Why was she so interested in the Princess?

So many questions.

And new questions often lead to hot new stories.

"_Hmmm_…" she said as a sinister smirk spread across her lips. "Maybe I should keep an eye on this one."

End Notes:

"Pit Lord" is a demonic rank I made up to describe demons like Sir Pentious and Cherri Bomb. Weaker than Overlords but still more dangerous than your average demon. You know, just FYI.

Anyway, I'm really loving the support this story is getting so far and I hope it keeps up.

Thanks again for reading and I'll see you all in the next one.

Peace.


	4. Ch4: Every Kind of Critter

This chapter was a blast to write but a bitch to edit. I hope you like it. Adventure Time is the property of Cartoon Network and Hazbin Hotel is the creation of Vivienne M. Medrano aka Vivziepop. Enjoy.

Chapter 4: Every Kind of Critter

It had taken Marceline a little over an hour, but eventually she found the building she was looking for. What's more, while searching, she had also found the answer to another all-important question.

As she flew over the center of the city, the Vampire Queen happened upon a gigantic clocktower with the words 'Next Cleanse: 181 Days' ornately etched into the side. At last, a proper timeframe. While she still had no idea what this 'Cleanse' thing actually was, at least she now knew that it wasn't for another six months.

Six months.

That's how long she had to meet her dream girl, get to know her, get her to fall in love with her and convince her to run away with her to another universe; all without telling her who she really was.

This was not going to be easy, but then nothing worth doing ever was. And besides, that last part shouldn't be too difficult. After all, this was Hell we were talking about. It was hot, it smelled horrible and the people were all rude; if not totally psychotic. This place made the Nightosphere seem like a day at the beach. So getting her to give up a dump like this for a paradise like the Land of Ooo should be no problem.

At least in theory.

Now that she thought about it, Marceline didn't really know all that much about Charlotte. I mean, sure she knew that she matched up with her criteria for a perfect wife, but that didn't really tell her much about her personality. For all she knew, a world of sunshine, candy and talking rainbow unicorns might not even appeal to her.

But then, those were concerns for later. What mattered now was getting her foot in the door, so to speak.

As she approached the main entrance, Marceline took a moment to examine the exterior of the place. That rude reporter lady with the fake boobs had been right, the building was kinda gaudy, but not in a totally unattractive way. In fact, it almost looked like it belonged in one of those old black and white cartoons. Maybe staying at this… 'Hazbin Hotel' would be a lot of fun?

Maybe?

Anyway, once she was at the front door, the Vampire Queen started to get a little nervous. The butterflies in her stomach were doing summersaults. For a brief moment she considered calling the whole thing off.

'No!' she told herself internally. 'You can't chicken out now. Just stick to your cover story and everything will be fine. You got this, girl. You got this!'

And with her spirit reignited, Marceline reached out and gave the door a few quick raps.

**_Knock._**

**_Knock._**

**_Knock. _**

Almost immediately, she heard something stirring on the other side.

"No, No, don't everyone get up at once. _I'll_ get it." Said a hauntingly familiar voice as the door creaked open. "Let me give you a hand with those, Vag… Oh, Hello there."

Before she even knew what had happened, the Vampire Queen was standing before the object of her desire. The lovely Princess Charlotte Magne, who was even more of a total knockout in person.

'Don't just stand there, stupid.' She told herself. 'Say something!'

"Hello yourself." She replied, trying to sound cool. 'Oh, nice one, genius.'

"May I help you?" the lovely Charlotte asked, shaking her out of her internal self-bashing.

"Uh… yeah, are you the Princess of Hell?"

"Why, yes I am." She replied cheerily, before adopting a slightly more suspicious tone. "Why?"

"Well, I… I'm kinda new around here, and I heard you ran a hotel. So I was hoping maybe you could give me a job."

"I see…" she said as she gave the Vampire Queen the onceover. "Well, I'm sorry. But we're not really looking to hire a gardener right now."

"Gardener?" Marceline repeated confusedly before remembering what she was wearing. "Oh, no, no, I'm not a gardener. I just like dressing this way. I'm really a musician and I was hoping…"

**_SLAM!_**

For a split second, the Vampire Queen thought she'd had the door slammed in her face. However, once her eyes readjusted, she realized that she'd been whisked inside at an almost supernatural speed by the deceivingly strong demon princess.

"You're a _musician_?" said princess asked with hopeful enthusiasm as she got all up in Marceline's face; grinning ear to ear.

"Uh… yeah, I play bass, and I sing."

"Really?" she asked as she pulled back, took a breath and adopted a slightly less energetic tone. "Well that's very interesting, Ms.…."

"Marceline."

"Ms. Marceline. And now that I think about it, we just might have a position available for you." She said, clearly doing her best to sound professional; which from the Vampire Queen's perspective was just too adorable for words. "But of course, I'll have to discuss this with my… business partners before I can offer you anything. Do you mind waiting here until they come back?"

"Sure, I got nowhere else to be."

"Okay, so… how about I show you around a little? You know, give you a sense of the place you might be working?"

"Sure, sounds like fun."

"Alrighty then."

And with that, Marceline followed her into the main lobby.

So far, this was going much better than she'd hoped. She'd already gotten through the door and was now being given a guided tour of the place. Plus, the Princess herself was making a pretty good first impression. Sure, she was a little quirky, but in a cute way. Really the only thing that concerned her was the lack of other people around. I mean, this was supposed to be a hotel, right?

"So, Your Majesty…"

"Oh, none of that, please." The Princess interrupted. "You can just call me Charlie. Everyone does."

"Oh, okay." Marceline replied, trying very hard to hide how adorable she thought that was. "So, Charlie, is this like the off season or what?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's just that most hotels I've seen usually have lots of people in them. Like vacationers or guys going to conventions. So I just figured maybe this was like your off season."

"Oh, no, no, no, this isn't that kind of… wait, how long did you say you've been down here?"

"Not long. Actually I arrived just today."

"So then… you didn't see the interview?"

"What interview?"

"Eh… never mind. So… how did you hear about the Hotel?"

"I just overheard someone talking about it."

"And… what exactly did you hear?"

"Just that you're the Princess of Hell and that you own a hotel. Why?"

"Oh, nothing. It's just that… usually when demons are talking about this place, the stuff they say isn't very… flattering."

"Why not?"

"Well, it's just… _sigh_. Fine. You're gonna find out sooner or later, so I might as well tell you." The Princess said with a weird form of abrasive stoicism. "I opened this hotel as a place where demons can come to redeem themselves and get into Heaven."

Okay… well, that's a new one.

"Go ahead. Laugh. I know you want to."

"Why? Did you say something funny?"

"Don't patronize me! I know how stupid you think I sound!"

"I… wouldn't call your idea stupid." Marceline admitted awkwardly. "I mean, it's a little out there, but it's not stupid."

There was a sudden twinkle in the other woman's eyes.

"You… You really mean that?"

"Of course. So wait, you offered demons a chance to get out of this dump and they laughed at you? _Pssh_. Sounds like they're the ones who are stupid."

For a brief moment, it looked as though the Princess might start crying. But luckily she composed herself and simply replied.

"Thank you, Marceline."

"No problem. And please, call me Marcy."

"Sure thing, Marcy. So, where were we on that tour?"

But alas, this tender moment was quickly derailed by a loud groan from somewhere close by.

"_Ugh_… What time is it?" said the groaner in an old timey Brooklyn accent. "Why's it so fucking bright in here?"

To Marceline's surprise, the owner of said accent turned out to be a tall, lanky demon with four arms and fluffy white fur covering his entire body; some kind of spider demon, unless she missed her guess.

"_Ah_… that's better." He said as he put on a pair of sunglasses that he had pulled from the fluff on his chest, before finally noticing the other people in the room. "Oh, hey Charlie. What's shakin'? And who's the broad? Don't tell me you roped someone else into this little experiment."

"Not exactly." Charlie admitted. "Angel, this is Marcy. She wants to work here at the Hotel."

"Is that right?" the lanky demon replied before extending his hand politely. "Nice to meet you, toots."

But the Vampire Queen took one look at said hand and said.

"Yeah, I don't think so."

"Oh-ho~ I see my reputation proceeds me."

"No, I can just smell the splooge from like eight other guys."

"Only eight? Must've been a slow night."

"_Ahem_. Anyway…" the Princess interrupted. "Marcy, this is Angel Dust. He's a… performer in the adult entertainment industry."

"Oh, don't cheapen it, babe." The spider demon said, sounding insulted. "I'm an artiste. I'm like the Davinci of fucking. There ain't a man alive or dead who can do half the freaky shit I can."

"And _you_ want to get into heaven?" Marceline asked dubiously.

"Eh… not exactly." Angel admitted. "You see, Ol' Charlie here worked out a deal with my boss. She gets a guinea pig for her little experiment. I get my own place outside the studio. And Big V foots the bill for any minor expenses, provided I can stay sober long enough to do my job."

"Which reminds me." Charlie interjected. "Shouldn't you be at work right now?"

"Nah, it's cool. I get Tuesdays and Thursdays off."

"It's Wednesday."

"Oh… well whatever. Val doesn't need me 'til 4."

"That's in three hours, Angel. Are you sure you can be there on time _and_ stay sober?"

"_Pfft_. Easy peasey."

"Because Valentino isn't gonna let you keep staying here if you keep showing up late and…"

"Alright, alight, I'll agree to a chaperone. Jesus, you're worse than my mother."

And for a brief moment, the conflict appeared to have been solved. Until a new voice shattered the calm.

"**_ANGEL, YOU SON OF A BITCH!_**"

From seemingly out of nowhere, another demon stormed onto the scene. He was a lot shorter than everyone else, by at least a foot, and he was nearly as thin as Angel Dust. Judging by his appearance, he was some kind of fish demon; an anglerfish if that freaky lure on his head was anything to go by. He was dressed like a scientist, which made sense, since he seemed pretty high-strung and neurotic; but then Marceline had only ever really known one scientist, so her perception could be biased.

At any rate, the little angler demon, whoever he was, marched right up to Angel Dust and, despite being so much shorter, pointed at him accusingly.

"Where is it?" he asked the porn star acidly.

"Where's what?"

"Don't play dumb, you thieving harlot! The canister! What did you do with my canister?"

"Okay, back up a minute." Charlie said as she got between the two. "What's the matter this time, Baxter?"

"Miss Charlotte, I demand that you remove this degenerate from the premises, posthaste!" the fishman, apparently named Baxter, replied furiously.

"Ooo~ Big college words~" Angel said derisively.

"_sigh_. What happened?"

"Last night, this… _drunken reprobate_ broke into my room and stole a canister of chemicals I need for an experiment."

"Oh, that is horseshit!" the spider demon spat back. "A) I didn't break in. You left your door unlocked. And 2) I didn't steal crap. I 'borrowed' a can of Axe from your medicine cabinet. Oh, and while we're on the subject, what the fuck kind of experiment needs fifty cans for body spray?"

"None of your damn business. Just stay out of my room!"

"Make me!"

"Okay, that's it!" the demon Princess said, raising her voice. "You know the rules. No fighting in the Hotel. If you two wanna keep yelling at each other, you do it outside."

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

And with that, the two male demons made their way to the front door; leaving the two females alone once again.

"Is it always like this?" Marceline asked with equal parts concern and curiosity.

"_Ugh_. Unfortunately." Charlie replied, visibly drained from the ordeal. "It was hard enough just convincing four demons to check in. But trying to make them get along is like pulling teeth."

"_Yeesh_." The Vampire Queen said as she rubbed the back of her neck. Realizing that her pretty princess was in need of a distraction, she immediately tried to change the subject. "So, what about that tour?"

"Oh right. I suppose we should start with the front desk."

The front desk, which for some reason looked like one of those old-fashioned speakeasys, was manned by a tall, scruffy, winged black cat demon with a top hat. Compared to everyone else she'd met so far, he seemed the most passive. In fact, he didn't seem interested in anything other than the racing form he had in his hands.

"Hey, Husk." The demon Princess said warmly as they approached.

"Hey, Boss Ma'am." The cat demon replied gruffly; putting aside his racing form.

"Husk, this is Marcy. She might be your new coworker, if Vaggie and Alastor don't have a problem with it. Marcy this is Husk, our front desk clerk and… bartender."

"Hey." She said casually.

"Hey." He replied, sounding just as enthused. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"No thanks, I'm not thirsty. But why is there a bar here in the first place? Shouldn't you guys be… I don't know… discouraging sin?"

"Oh, you and Vaggie are gonna get along just fine." Charlie said with a smile. "Anyway, I'm not crazy about it myself, but it's sort of a compromise. I mean, technically drinking on its own isn't a sin. And we have a strict two drink maximum rule, so no one ever gets too out of control. At least not yet."

The Vampire Queen was about to comment on this, when yet another new character entered the scene. Unlike most of the demons she'd seen so far, this one looked a lot like the ones she knew back in the Nightosphere. You know, red skin, big goat horns, a tail with a little spade at the end; a generic, run-of-the-mill devil.

"Put her on, Moxxie! I want to talk to her right now!" the devil man screamed into his cell phone as he approached the bar. "What? Of course she wants to talk to me! Why wouldn't… What? She called Millie _what_? You bastards! I will murder _you_ and your mouthy wife! What? No, _you_ listen to _me_, Mr. Man! I'm gonna beat this thing and when I do… Yes I am. _Yes I am_! No, _your_ ass is mine! No, _you'r_e acting like a child! No, you are! No, you… uh, hello? Moxxie? _Ugh_! God damnit!"

And with that, he put his phone away and plopped down onto the nearest barstool.

Admittedly, there was a part of Marceline that desperately wanted to hear the other half of that conversation.

"Husk, give me a Suffering Bastard, and double the bitters." The devil man said defeatedly; which apparently triggered some kind of sympathetic reflex in Charlie.

"Hey, Blitz. Rough day?"

"That's putting it mildly. I tell you, Blondie, this lawsuit is beating the life out of me. If this keeps up, I'll have to sell my company just to cover my legal fees."

"Well, what does your lawyer say?"

"Mostly that I'll have to sell my company just to cover my legal fees."

"Oh Mr. Blitz" a sugary voice singsonged from seemingly out of nowhere.

"_What_?"

"Your lawyer's on the phone, and he wants to know…"

"**_TELL HIM TO EAT SHIT_**!"

"Oh… um, okay."

The devil man paused to groan in frustration before he called back.

"Hey, Niffty."

"Yes?"

"Don't really tell him to eat shit. Tell him everything's fine and that I'll be at the courthouse bright and early, just like I promised."

"Okay… but I already told him the other thing."

"Fantastic." He said sardonically, before turning his attention back to the bartender. "Hey Husk, where's that Suffering Bastard?"

"I'm lookin' at him."

"Oh, _Ha-Ha_. So _sidesplittingly_ funny!"

As much as Marceline was enjoying… whatever the hell this was, she suddenly realized that she hadn't eaten anything since before Prismo summoned her. And since going all red-starved in front of Charlie was probably a bad idea, she decided it was best to nip this in the bud.

"Hey, Charlie." She said to her pretty, pretty princess. "You got anything to eat around here? I'm starving."

"Uh… I'm not sure. Husk, you got anything edible back there?"

"Sorry, Boss Ma'am. But Vaggie's still out shoppin'. 'til she gets back all we've got is booze and some wax fruit."

Upon hearing this, the Vampire Queen followed where the cat had gestured and, sure enough, there was a bowl of wax fruit on the other end of the bar. The large, red apple on the top caught her eye. So, without even thinking, she floated over, picked it up, sank her teeth into it and drained the red from it until it was completely white.

"_Ah_~ That hit the spot." She said with deep satisfaction as she placed the phony fruit back in the bowl. However, when she turned back around, she saw that everyone was staring at her like she'd just grown a second head. "What?"

"_My oh my_~" said yet another unfamiliar voice; this time coming from directly behind her. "_What an unusual talent you have there, my dear._"

Despite having been caught off-guard, Marceline managed to remain composed as she turned around to get a look at the perpetrator. And he was… interesting to say the least. He was tall, possibly the tallest demon she'd met thus far, and almost as thin as Angel Dust. He had ashy skin and blazing red eyes, and he was dressed in an admittedly sharp looking red pinstripe suit. He had a cane in his right hand with a microphone on top, which might explain why his voice sounded so weird, and antlers on his head that made him look like a deer. But by far the most striking thing about him was his smile. It was just so… big; almost like he had extra teeth or something. It was very unsettling.

"Uh… thanks." The Vampire Queen said awkwardly. "And you are?"

"_Alastor. Pleasure to be meeting you, sweetheart. Quite a pleasure. Sorry for just dropping in unannounced, but I've been observing your interactions with Miss Charlotte over there and I gotta tell yah, I like what I see. So real. So raw. So painfully awkward. Oh, Hot Tamale, that's good entertainment._"

"Okay…" she replied, still struggling to process everything he'd just said. "So… are you like the butler or something?"

"**_HA_**_! No._" the smiling man said dryly. "_I'm what you might call a 'limited partner' in this charming little enterprise. I provide creative suggestions, extra manpower and the occasional cash injection to keep this sinking ship afloat._"

"And speaking of 'creative suggestions'," Charlie interjected, suddenly sounding dead serious. "Will you _please_ stop changing the sign? This is supposed to be the 'Happy' Hotel. _Happy_. Understand?"

"_Are you sure? Surveys show that the guests like my name better._"

"I don't care. This is my hotel and I'll call it whatever I want. So change it back."

"_Very well._"

And with that, the pinstriped demon snapped his fingers and a bright flash went off outside.

Marceline was about to ask for a bit more context, when the front door opened and _yet another_ new character entered the scene.

Seriously, this was starting to get ridiculous.

Anyway, this latest addition was a female dog demon who seemed to be a mix between a dalmatian and a hyena. She had white fur with little black dots and long, poofy blonde hair with red highlights and a matching tail. She was dressed like a stereotypical punk rocker and she seemed to be slightly younger than everyone else. But more than anything, she looked dead tired.

"_Ugh_… Christ on a cracker, what a day." The dog demon groaned in an Irish accent as she approached the bar. "Husk, give me a Black Boar and make sure it's cold."

"You got it."

"Hey, Crymini. How was your day?" Charlie asked the demon dog pleasantly.

"I spent eight hours making change for a bunch of horny assholes. How do you think it was, genius?" Crymini replied bitterly before turning her attention onto Marceline. "And who the fuck are you supposed to be?"

"I'm Marcy. I'm new around here."

"So what's your story? Did Radio Head over there blackmail you too?"

"Excuse me?"

"Long story, kinda boring. I owed 80 grand to a guy you wouldn't wanna owe 80 cents. And that Cheshire-faced bastard offered to cover my dept, provided I live here until I pay him back."

"Sounds like a pretty good deal to me."

"Are you kidding? I work as a cashier in a strip club. Do you have any idea how long it'll take to earn eighty thousand dollars on a cashier's salary? Especially with that pinstriped asshole charging 30% interest."

"All the more reason to focus on getting into Heaven." Charlie chimed in.

"Whatever."

It was at this point that Husk brought out Crymini's beer and handed it to her; an act which apparently made Blitz's blood boil.

"**_What the shit_**?" the devil man roared. "I've been sitting here forever waiting for my Suffering Bastard and you just give that little potato hound a beer? Why do you always serve everyone else before me?"

"Because I hate you." Husk answered bluntly.

"Did you just call me a potato hound?"

"And what if I did? You gonna do something about it?"

"How 'bout I punch your face straight into your colon?"

"That doesn't even make sense, but whatever. Bring it on, bitch!"

"No, no, there will be no 'bringing it' of any kind." Charlie stepped in as she tried to take control of the situation. "I know we're all dealing with the pressures in our own lives, but that doesn't mean…"

**_SLAM! _**

Just then, the front door flew open and Baxter and Angel Dust stormed up to the bar.

"Miss Charlotte! Miss Charlotte! Look what he did to my face!" the angler demon whined as he pointed to his bloody nose. "I've been assaulted! I demand that you throw him out!"

"Oh you are such a fucking liar!" the spider demon countered. "He tripped on his own feet and hit a post. He's a liar and a klutz."

From there, the situation only grew worse. With so much yelling, name calling and finger pointing, Charlie could barely get a word in edgewise. And what's worse, all this conflict seemed to be giving her major anxiety. The poor girl needed help, and since Alastor was just standing there, grinning like a jackass, it looked like it was up to Marceline.

Thinking quickly, the Vampire Queen snatched the smiling man's cane and shouted into the microphone.

"**_EVERYBODY CHILL!_**"

That had been much louder than she'd intended, but it seemed to do the trick. Everyone, except for Alastor, had stopped arguing to cover their ears. A few seconds later, they all turned to look at her, with varying degrees of anger.

"Thank you." She said as she handed the cane back to its rightful owner. "Look, I get it. We're all dead. We're in Hell. And for one reason or another, we've all been forced to live together under less than ideal circumstances. It's enough to drive anybody crazy. But there's no need for all this hostility."

"Oh, is that right?" Angel Dust asked dubiously; clearly not a fan of being preached to.

"Yes it is. Now the way I see it, you guys just need a little something to lighten the mood. Something to distract you all from your dreary afterlives. And since booze clearly isn't doing the trick, I'd like to suggest an alternative."

"Oh, this oughta be good." Crymini said sarcastically.

But the Vampire Queen ignored her and instead pulled out her bass to play them all a sample of her savory licks.

"Sweet Jesus…" the dog demon said as her cynicism turned to wonder.

Charlie and Blitz seemed equally awestruck. Husk and Angel Dust weren't nearly as impressed, but at least their hostile expressions softened up a bit. Alastor, of course, just stood there and smiled. The only holdout was Baxter.

"Oh great, that's just what we need, _another_ music lover." The angler demon said annoyedly.

"So here's what I'm thinking. How's about I put on a show for you guys? A little live entertainment to liven up this place." Marceline continued undeterred before turning to Charlie. "If you want, we could have this be my audition."

"That sounds like a wonderful idea!" the demon princess said enthusiastically. "What do you say guys?"

Blitz and Crymini both nodded excitedly. Angel and Husk were less into it, but they made no arguments against it. Once again, Baxter was the only voice of opposition.

"I don't have time for such nonsense. You idiots can do whatever you want, but I have important work to do in my lab."

And with that, he stormed off.

Or at least he tried to. Before he could even make it two steps, Alastor suddenly appeared before him. He said nothing, but his face contorted in such a way that it resembled one of those old timey radios.

"B-But-But… I suppose a short break wouldn't kill me." Baxter said as he rejoined the group; his skin now as pale as a zombie's.

"_That's the spirit, my boy._"

"So Marcy, what are you gonna play for us?" asked Charlie, practically bursting with excitement.

"Well… I do know this one song that'd be perfect, but I'd need some back up." The Vampire Queen replied. "You guys got a house band or something?"

"_I believe I can scare up something for you, my dear_." Alastor said as he put his arm over Marceline's shoulder. "_Just tell me what you need and I'll do the rest._"

Okay, so things had gotten off to a bit of a shaky start, but now she had a chance to really strut her stuff. Not only would she be a hero to Charlie for stopping all the fighting around here, but she would get to show off her musical talent and totally knock her socks off.

'Oh yeah!' she thought to herself confidently. 'Nothing's gonna get in my way!'

End Notes:

Just some things I need to clear up real quick.

1\. Normally, Valentino has no problem letting his 'employees' indulge in whatever vices they wish; mainly because it usually makes them easier to control. But with Angel Dust this was not the case. In addition to his preexisting attitude problems, his party boy lifestyle had gotten to the point where he was showing up late for work, and when he did show up he was usually too blitzed to follow even simple directions. And since his usually tactic of just beating the hell out of him wasn't working, Big V had to start thinking outside the box. So when Charlie approached him with her little proposition, he begrudgingly accepted; plus, she had both Vaggie and Alastor with her at the time, so that added a little force to the argument. Ultimately, Valentino sees this as a temporary solution, but it's better than nothing. Charlie absolutely detests Valentino and the whole porn industry, but tolerates their arrangement for the time being because she truly believes that in time Angel will develop enough of a moral compass to quit on his own.

2\. Valentino is a slave driver, but even he doesn't make his hoes work every day. He allows each 'employee' at least two days off per week to rest and replenish their various bodily fluids, because hoes who are too tired to fuck are of no use to him. He also never forces any of his minions to work when their sick; STDs, hangovers and withdrawal symptoms not included. Because, you know, it just makes more sense to just let a sick hoe stay in bed and use a substitute than to let everyone get sick and lose money. Don't get the wrong idea, Valentino is still a cruel, merciless, abusive monster, but he's also a practical one.

3\. I know the character's name is written as "Blitzo" but it's read as "Blitz" so that's how I'm writing it. It's just less confusing for me that way. Don't like it, don't read.

With all that said, thanks for reading and see you next time.

Peace.


	5. Ch5: Six String Orchestra

I'm tired. I'm stressed. I've got nothing else to say. Adventure Time is the property of Cartoon Network and Hazbin Hotel is the creation of Vivienne M. Medrano aka Vivziepop. Enjoy.

Chapter 5: Six String Orchestra

It had taken Marceline about twenty minutes to get everything straight with Alastor. The routine she had planned was a little complicated and required near perfect timing, but the pinstriped demon was surprisingly quick on the uptake for someone so hilariously outdated.

Anyway, while they had been doing that, Charlie had turned the lobby into a makeshift auditorium. The front desk had been made into a stage and she'd arranged a dozen or so chairs from various other rooms into a place for the audience to sit. She'd even found her an amp and one of those old headset microphones to really help her voice carry.

The Vampire Queen loved how into this the Demon Princess was. Her enthusiasm and sunny disposition was the perfect compliment to her own gloomy and depressive nature; the proverbial Yang to her Yin.

Anyway, once everything was all set up, Marceline took the stage, which is to say she hopped up onto the bar, and turned to face her audience. As expected, Charlie was sitting in the front row, looking just as excited as ever. Next to her were Crymini, Blitz and a small, one-eyed demon she'd never seen before; presumably the one Blitz had been talking to earlier. Behind them were Husk and Angel Dust, and in the row behind them sat Baxter and Alastor; though she suspected the latter was only sitting back there to prevent the former from sneaking off.

For the first time since arriving in Hell, the Vampire Queen felt completely at peace. For although she was over a trillion universes away from home, she was in her natural element. It didn't matter that she was standing on a desk in the depths of a demonic cesspool, because she was a born performer. Music was in her blood. And by God, she was gonna give it her all.

So, after doing one final mic check, she whipped out her bass and prepared to do just that.

"_Hello, Happy Hotel!_" she said in the most dramatic and 'rock n' roll' way she could. "How y'all doin' tonight?"

"It's 1:30, you idiot." Baxter called out from the backrow, earning another unsettling glare from Alastor.

But, ever the professional, Marceline ignored him and went on with her intro.

"This one goes out to all the crappy guitarists out there. You know, the spastic losers with no real talent, but who are just too damned tenacious to ever call it quits."

With that said, the Vampire Queen played a few chords before jumping right into her song.

_Oh, the very day I purchased it~_

_I christened my guitar~_

_As my monophonic symphony~_

_Six string orchestra~_

_In my room I'd practice late~_

_They'd leave me alone~_

_My mother said, "You're nothing yet~_

_To make the folks write home"~_

_I'd play at all the talent nights~_

_I'd finish, they'd applaud~_

_Some called it muffled laughter~_

_I just figured they were odd~_

_So I went up for an encore~_

_But they screamed they'd had enough~_

_Maybe I just need a group~_

_To help me do my stuff~ _

On cue, a band of shadow demons, courtesy of the smiling man in the backrow, manifested behind her; each wielding a different musical instrument. Then, one by one, they began to play along with her.

_And so I dream a bass will join me~_

_And fill the bottom in~_

_And maybe now some lead guitar~_

_So it would not sound so thin~_

_I need some drums to set the beat~_

_And help me keep in time~_

_And way back in the distance~_

_Some strings would sound so fine~ _

With everyone now playing at once, the five of them sang the last part of the chorus together.

_And we'd all play together~_

_Like fine musicians should~_

_And it would sound like music~_

_And the music would sound good~_

_But in real life I'm stuck with~_

_That same old formula~_

_Me and my monophonic symphony~_

_Six string orchestra~ _

With the first verse complete, Marceline to a quick second to inspect the crowd. As expected, her voice seemed to have won over everybody. Even Baxter looked like he was getting into it. But most importantly, Charlie was utterly entranced by her singing; the twinkle in her eyes and the big goofy grin on her face were evidence of that.

Perfect.

Her plan was going even better than she'd hoped. Which was especially impressive when you considered that she was just making it up as she went along.

'No sense in slowing down now.' She thought to herself confidently. 'Time to kick it into high gear.'

XXX

Outside the Hotel, a frost white limousine pulled up to the front door. The back left door opened and a beautiful demon maiden stepped out; holding three shopping bags in her arms. She was a truly lovely thing, even by the most superficial standards. Her light grey skin was soft and free of blemishes. Her long, silken hair was snowy white with highlights of pink. And her minidress, stockings and pink hairbow gave her the appearance of a cutesy little gothic ragdoll. Really, her only 'flaw' was the pink X that stood in place of her left eye; but even that worked to her advantage, because it added to her cute ragdoll aesthetic.

Her name was Vagatha, but if you didn't want your jaw broken, you called her Vaggie.

"Thanks, guys. I'll take it from here." She said to the two tiny Baphomet demons at the wheel. "Just pull the car around back and go give Niffty a hand with the housework."

The twins bleated in response and did as instructed; leaving the one-eyed beauty alone with her thoughts.

Despite what fairytales and Disney movies might have you believe, being the lover of a princess, especially an idealistic and, for lack of a better word, naïve princess, was not an easy life. People were constantly questioning or mocking her ideals and goals, which often demanded violent retribution. Plus her impulsive and, again for lack of a better word, childlike nature was a constant source of frustration. No, being Charlie's girlfriend was not easy, but it was rewarding.

For one thing, the Demon Princess was the warmest, friendliest, downright most loving person Vaggie had ever met in her entire life. And despite what most demons thought, she was smart; smart as a whip. And when it really mattered, she was willing to stand up for her beliefs and even fight for them if she had to.

No Sir, Charlie Magne was nobody's doormat, and that's one of the things she loved most about her.

Anyway, after months of turmoil, things were finally starting to cool down. Once word had spread that Alastor's interest in the Hotel wasn't just a passing fancy, the attacks from Pit Lords and other lower level demons finally stopped. And it had been over a month since the last crank call or flaming bag of shit left on their doorstep, so it seemed as though demons had lost interest in causing them trouble. Hell, no one was even trashing them on social media anymore; it was almost like they were a fad that had gone out of style.

Thank God for short attention spans.

With the Hotel out of the spotlight, and Charlie's Father using every ounce of his considerable clout to keep it that way, the project could finally move forward. True, recruiting on the sly would be difficult. They'd have to stick to new arrivals with less serious sins, but it would all be worth it if they could just redeem one soul. Then Charlie's theories would be validated and more demons would come in droves.

Probably.

Maybe.

Hopefully.

Regardless, after finishing her shopping without having to crack anyone's skull open, Vaggie was in high spirits and looking forward to a nice, relaxing evening at home with her favorite girl.

This dream however was quickly dashed when she opened the front door and was instantly hit by a blast of music.

_I write love songs for my favorite girl~_

_And sing 'em soft and slow~_

(_Oooooo~_)

_But before I get to finish~_

_She says she has to go~_

_She's nice and says "Excuse me~_

_I've gotta find a bar~_

_I'm gonna need refreshments~_

_Before I hear you play guitar"~_

It took a moment for Vaggie to process what was happening, but once her brain finally caught up she realized that the lobby had apparently been turned into some kind of makeshift arena so everyone could watch some stranger put on a rock concert with four of Alastor's shadow demons.

She wasn't quite sure what was going on, but odds were it was Charlie's idea.

_I sent a demo tape I made~_

_To the record companies~_

(_La La La Ooo~_)

_Two came back address unknown~_

_One came back C.O.D~_

_Of course I got form letters~_

_All saying pleasant things~_

_Like suggesting that I find a job~_

_Where I would not have to sing~_

_And so I dream a bass will join me~_

_And fill the bottom in~_

_And maybe now some lead guitar~_

_So it would not sound so thin~_

_I need some drums to set the beat~_

_And help me keep in time~_

_And way back in the distance~_

_Some strings would sound so fine~_

_And we'd all play together~_

_Like fine musicians should~_

_And it would sound like music~_

_And the music would sound good~_

_But in real life I'm stuck with~_

_That same old formula~_

_Me and my monophonic symphony~_

_Six string orchestra~_

Okay, whoever this girl was, she was good.

Like really, _really_ good.

But that still didn't change the fact that she was a stranger in _her_ hotel.

So, after putting the groceries aside on a nearby table, Vaggie marched up to the group to get some answers.

"Hey, Angel Dust." She said to the spider demon forcefully. "What's going…"

"_Shhhhh!_"

"Don't you shush me! I wanna know…"

"Miss Vagatha, do shut up. You're interrupting the show." Baxter chimed in unexpectedly.

"_Excuse me_?"

_I've been taking guitar lessons~_

_But my teacher just took leave~_

_It was something about a break down~_

_Or needing a reprieve~_

_I know I've found my future~_

_So I will persevere~_

_And hold onto my dream of~_

_Making music to their ears~ _

_And so I dream a bass will join me~_

_And fill the bottom in~_

_And maybe now some lead guitar~_

_So it would not sound so thin~_

_I need some drums to set the beat~_

_And help me keep in time~_

_And way back in the distance~_

_Some strings would sound so fine~ _

"I need all the help I can get!"

As if on cue, two more shadow demons appeared beneath Charlie's chair and tossed her onto the stage. She looked confused at first, but after the stranger winked at her, she perked up. Evidently she had taken this as a sign that the mystery woman wanted her to sing the last part with her, because that's exactly what happened.

_And we'd all play together~_

_Like fine musicians should~_

_And it would sound like music~_

_And the music would sound good~_

_But in real life I'm stuck with~_

_That same old formula~_

_Me and my monophonic symphony~_

_Six string orchestra~ _

Good, Fucking, God.

They sounded incredible.

Their voices blended together so perfectly.

But then… why did that make her feel so… strange?

Suddenly the audience went up in thunderous applause; or at least as thunderous as seven people could be.

"_Bravo! Bravissimo!_"

"Spot on! Spot on, old girls!"

"Woo Hoo! Yay! _Whistle_~"

"Oh yeah! That was so fucking tits!"

"Eh, it was alright."

Charlie and the stranger took their bows, but after the third, the former's eyes lit up as she finally caught sight of her.

"_Gasp_. Vaggie!" the princess exclaimed as she rushed off the stage to embrace her lover. "Oh my gosh~ Oh my gosh~ Oh my gosh~ You won't believe what happened! First Marcy showed up. And then she said she was a musician. And then she said my ideas weren't stupid. And then she broke up a fight. And then we sang. And it was super fun. And she's really amazing. And wonderful. And awesome. And can we keep her? Pretty, _pretty_, **_pretty_** **_please_**!"

"Uh… what?" Vaggie asked as she was released from the hug; having only caught like a third of that.

Just then, the stranger floated up; cackling in a way that made her sound like a witch.

"Man, she's just a bundle of energy, isn't she." She said jokingly. "So, you must be the manager I've heard so much about. Maggie, right?"

"It's Vaggie. And you are?"

"Name's Marceline. But my friends call me Marcy." The stranger said casually. "So, what did you think? Do I get the job?"

"What job?"

"The one I just auditioned for. Charlie said you guys had an opening for a lounge singer."

"Oh she did, did she?" Vaggie asked as she turned to her girlfriend, who just shrugged and smiled awkwardly. "Would you excuse us for a moment. I need to discuss something with Charlie. In private."

"Sure, girl. Go do what you gotta do."

And with that, Vaggie gently led her lover by the hand to a secluded spot several feet away.

"Okay, I have fifteen different apologies depending on how mad you are."

"Just tell me what happened." She replied bluntly.

"Well… Marcy kinda just showed up at the door and asked about a job. At first I thought she was a gardener, so I told her we weren't hiring. But then she said she was a musician and I kinda… told her we had an opening."

"So let me get this straight. A random stranger showed up at our door, claiming to be a musician, and you just immediately offered her a job?"

"Well… I didn't exactly offer her anything. I just got a little excited and I… kinda… sorta… maybe implied that we might be interested."

"So you've just been leading her on this whole time?" Vaggie asked disapprovingly. "That's bad, Charlie. Very, very bad."

"I know. But I didn't mean to. I just… I mean, you heard her. She's amazing. And she was just so nice."

"Of course she was nice to you! You all but promised her a job!" she yelled in frustration, before taking a deep breath to calm down. "Charlie, you have to stop being so impulsive. I mean sure, she seems harmless, but she's probably not gonna be so nice once you tell her we can't afford to hire her."

"Are you sure we can't? I mean, maybe if we went over the books again…"

"They'd say the same thing as last time." Vaggie cut her off. "Look, I know you mean well, Hon, but we've been over this a hundred times. We're on a fixed income. And even with Alastor's 'donations' we can't afford any unnecessary spending. And I'm sorry, but a lounge singer counts as unnecessary."

"_Sigh_. You're right." Charlie admitted, sounding a little deflated. "I guess I gotta go tell Marcy the truth."

"That's my girl." She said warmly; pausing for half a second to adjust her lover's bowtie. "And don't worry, I'll be right beside you, just in case she turns violent."

And with that, the two of them returned to the waiting stranger.

"So, what's the deal?" Marceline asked, still in a good mood, for the moment. "Am I hired?"

"Yeah… about that." Charlie began awkwardly. "The thing is… We don't really have an opening for a singer. We never did."

"But you said…"

"I know what I said. It's just… well, when you told me you were a musician I got excited, because I thought it might be fun to hear you play. But then you turned out to be so nice and I thought, maybe, we could make an exception. But it turns out we can't. I'm really sorry, Marcy."

"I don't understand. Why can't you hire me?"

"Well, you see… the Hotel is kind of a nonprofit organization. The guests all stay here for free and the only steady income we get is an allowance from my Dad. So we can't really afford anything that's nonessential. Again, I'm really, _really_ sorry for getting your hopes up like that."

"Oh… I see." The stranger said, sounding disappointed, but surprisingly not angry. "Then can I be a guest?"

"What?"

"_What_?"

Said Charlie and Vaggie respectively, each with an entirely different tone.

"Do you mean it?" the Demon Princess asked hopefully.

"Of course." Marceline replied, sounding surprisingly sincere. "You said guests stay for free, right?"

"Absolutely!" Charlie answered, her usual exuberance returning in full force. "I mean, there's some paperwork you need to fill out, but aside from that, welcome to the Happy Hotel!"

"Not so fast!" Vaggie cut in, before getting all up in Marceline's face. "First you say you're looking for a job and now you wanna be a guest here? You sure change gears quickly. So, what are you really after?"

But alas, the stranger was not intimidated by her 'bad cop' routine.

"Look, uh… Vaggie, it's really not that complicated." She replied casually. "You see, I'm an artist. I don't give a shit about money or Heaven or any of that stuff. I just want a place to crash and play my music. So, if you let me stay here, not only will I go along with whatever freaky experiments you guys get up to, but I'll throw in some free concerts too. Sound good?"

"Sounds perfect!" Charlie said excitedly.

"Now hold on, Charlie." Vaggie said as she pulled her lover aside once again; this time not caring if anyone else heard. "I'm not so sure about this."

"But Vaggie, we need more guests. And she actually wants to stay here. No one had to trick her or anything."

"I know that, Hon. It's just… something about this doesn't feel right. I can't really explain it. But this just seems way too convenient. I don't think we should trust her."

"You guys know I can hear you, right?" Marceline asked flatly.

Vaggie opened her mouth to reply, but was interrupted by cries from the peanut gallery.

"Oh come on! Let her stay!" called Crymini from her seat in the front row. "About time we had some decent music in this place!"

"Yeah, Frosty Box. Lighten up." Angel Dust added. "Marcy's loads o' fun."

Ignoring the spider demon's crude comment, Vaggie was forced to admit she was outnumbered on this one. And since she had no real evidence against the stranger, aside from a weird feeling in her gut, she had no choice but to concede.

"Fine. Marceline, welcome to the Happy Hotel."

As expected, this announcement was met with cheers and applause from the staff and other guests. Charlie herself let out a high-pitched squeal of delight.

"_Oh my gosh~ Oh my gosh~ Oh my gosh~ _Vaggie, do you know what this means?" the demon princess asked excitedly. "We finally have enough people to do group therapy! _EEEEEEEEEE_~"

Upon hearing this, the stranger just cackled.

"Attagirl! Force that enthusiasm!"

Charlie then proceeded to wrap Vaggie up in one of her famous tight but loving hugs.

"Oh, Vaggie! Things are finally looking up." She said, her mouth stretched so far her face nearly split in half.

And she was right, things were looking up. Hell had lost interest in attacking or harassing them. They now had five guests; one of them a willing and seemingly well-mannered volunteer. This was a great day for the Hotel.

But then why didn't it feel great?

Why couldn't she shake off this overwhelming sense of foreboding and unease?

Suddenly, Charlie pressed her lips against hers, and in an instant, all those negative feelings just washed away.

When they were together like this, nothing else mattered.

When they were in each other's arms and their tongues danced together in their mouths, all was right with the world.

Just then, Vaggie caught sight of something strange out of the corner of her eye. Marceline was staring at them; eyes wide and mouth hanging open from shock. Seconds later, she smacker her right hand hard against her forehead and muttered something under her breath. She couldn't quite make out what she said, but it almost sounded like,

_God damn you, Prismo._

End Notes:

"Six String Orchestra" was written, composed and first performed by Harry Chapin in 1974. I found this song by chance several months ago and I knew I just had to use it for this story. I hope you liked it.

Anyway, thanks for reading and I'll see you next time.

Peace.


	6. Ch6: The Hazbin Club

It's an earlier chapter this week. Enjoy. Also, Adventure Time is the property of Cartoon Network and Hazbin Hotel is the creation of Vivienne M. Medrano aka Vivziepop. But you already knew that.

Chapter 6: The Hazbin Club

Charlie had hardly slept that night.

And how could she?

Her mind was like a beehive; just buzzing with excitement.

After months of ridicule and derision. Of dodging fireballs, rocks and hurtful phone messages. Her Grand Redemption Project could _finally_ move forward.

Unable to sleep, the Demon Princess used every ounce of her manic energy to repurpose the 8th Floor Billiard Room into a safe space for her latest innovation.

And now, with everyone gathered together, the first official Happy Hotel Group Therapy Session could at long last begin.

"Hello everyone." Charlie said cheerfully to her assembled guests. "First off, I'd like to thank you all for coming to our first ever group therapy session."

"Oh, how could I refuse after all you've done to blackmail me?" Crymini asked sarcastically; earning some laughs from the rest of the circle.

"Yes, well… anyway… I also want to give a special thanks to Angel Dust, who volunteered to make the fruit punch for this meeting. Seriously Angel, this is scrumptious. Thank you so much."

The Demon Princess paused to take a sip while the spider demon blushed at the compliment.

"Okay, now since this is our first session, what I'd like to do is go around the room and have each of you tell us all a little about yourselves. You know, what were your lives like on Earth, what you did to get sent to Hell, what you most want to improve on, stuff like that. Sound good?"

The others all either nodded or shrugged in response.

"Alrighty then, who wants to go first?"

"_Ahem_. Well, if no one else wants to. I guess I'll take the lead on this one." Said Blitz swaggeringly as he got up from his chair and took 'centerstage'. "Hello, friends. I'm Blitz, the 'O' is silent, and unless you've been living under a rock for the last year and a half, you already know me as the owner, founder and CEO of I.M.P."

To the imp's apparent surprise, this spiel was met with only a confused silence.

"You know, the Immediate Murder Professionals Group?"

Silence.

"From the commercial?"

More silence.

"Oh, come on! They run it all the time!"

Even more silence.

"_Sigh_. Screw it. Look, I run a small startup company out of Imp Town that specializes in helping our clients deal with their unfinished business; usually by murdering someone who fucked them over when they were alive."

This time he got a reaction. Albeit a subtle one, but at the very least everyone seemed to understand what he was talking about.

"I know, I know, sounds like the perfect business model, right? Something everybody in Hell would wanna spend their money on. Well… it didn't go exactly as planned. Things were a little rough the first few months. Then business picked up, then it went down again, then it went up for a really long time, but then it went down again…"

"I think we get the idea." Charlie cut in, to the apparent relief of everyone else in attendance.

"Anyway, while we were in one of those up periods, I decided to cash in on our good luck while the cashing was good. So I did some research and I convinced all my employees to go in with me on a hedge fund. You know, one of those high risk, high reward type deals. Only… funny story, it turned out to be… not entirely legitimate… Actually, it was a Ponzi scheme and I lost their next ten paychecks. Plus all the money I sort of borrowed from their 401Ks without asking."

"Hold up, you stole your employees' retirement money, and then you lost it?" asked Marcy disbelievingly.

"I didn't lose all of it. Only like half… 2/3rds at most. And I was gonna put it all back, with interest, once the hedge fund paid off. So I made one little mistake. _So sue me_! Anyway, now they're all suing me."

"Eh, one second there, chief." Angel Dust interrupted. "Not to belittle your problems, but if you blew all their paychecks on such a stupid plan, then how can they even afford to sue you?"

"Good question, Angel. And it's actually a _really_ funny story. You see, one of I.M.P.'s main financial backers is under the delusion that me and him are in a committed relationship. So after he sees a photo online of me being 'unfaithful', he decides to bankroll the entire class action suit and drag it out as much as possible, just to get even. Oh, and that's not even the _best_ part. You see, one of my employees, who is also my adopted daughter FYI, has abandoned me in my time of need, because she thinks I'm a _loser_, and moved in with the other two. One of whom she now calls _'Mom'_, because apparently she responds well to a 'disciplinary environment'. Whatever the _fuck_ that means! So here I am! No family! No friends! Up to my nipples in dept! Living in this crappy flophouse with a bunch of other _losers!_ _Pretending I give two shits about some ditzy blonde's pipe dream!_"

When he finally finished his rant, Blitz was covered in sweat and completely out of breath. No one, not even Charlie, dared to say a word. They all just sat there in stunned silence.

"So… that's my story." The Imp said awkwardly, his right eye twitching like mad. "Would you excuse me for a moment? I gotta go… do something… else."

And with that, Blitz bolted out of the room at top speed; sobbing like a little girl.

O…kay…

Not exactly what the Demon Princess had in mind, but at least he was open and honest.

And besides, things could only get better from here on out.

Right?

I mean, nothing could possibly be worse than _that_.

_Right_?

XXX

"So anyway, I licked him off, he licked me off, we wiped the rest off on some unfinished paperwork, and when Mr. McKellen came back and saw what we did to his office, we were banned from the carwash for life." Crymini said, bringing an end to the latest in a series of short excerpts from her youth in Dublin; each more _vivid_ than the last. "And that pretty much sums up my sophomore year. Now my junior year, that's when I _really_ got wild. Why, I remember this one time, there was a nun walking past a frozen river and I said to my girl Mavis, 'I wonder if that old bird can swim'. So we get to talking and we…"

"Okay, that's enough!" Charlie spoke up, desperate to hear no more of the Irish hellhound's tales. "I mean… that's enough for one session. Don't you think? Don't wanna overshare on your first day."

If Crymini suspected that the Princess wasn't being entirely truthful she didn't mention it; she just shrugged and sat back in her seat, much to the latter's immense relief.

This was not going at all how Charlie had envisioned.

After Blitz's little freak-out, it had been Baxter's turn to talk. And talk he did. At great length, he recounted several instances where he vivisected cute and helpless animals in the name of Victorian science, and not for a single second did he show any remorse for his actions. In fact, the only decision he showed any regret for was choosing to buy a ticket for the Titanic.

After that, it was Angel Dust's turn to confess his sins; although the way he was treating it, you'd think he was giving an interview for some magazine. In addition to his numerous sexual and drug related transgressions, the spider demon also revealed that from 1943 to 1945 he impersonated a Quaker to avoid being drafted; which in retrospect was completely unnecessary since they probably would've rejected him based on his orientation alone. And of course, he showed no regret for any of it.

Then came Crymini's turn, and the less said about her backstory the better.

To the Demon Princess, this was like a nightmare. None of them were taking this seriously. None of them were showing any signs of remorse for any of their sins. In fact, she was beginning to suspect that the three of them had some kind of bet going to see who had committed the worst one.

If that was the case, then Crymini was ahead by a nose.

Feeling stressed and emotionally battered, Charlie looked at her watch and saw that they still had about fifteen minutes left in this session. But not being sure how much more of this she could take, she was about to call it a day when a voice intervened.

"So, is it my turn now?"

The Demon Princess was so… not her usual self that it took a moment for her to process who had said that. But once she finally shook off the mental haze, she realized it had been Marceline; who was, interestingly enough, sitting directly across from her.

"Oh… right… Marcy. Sorry, I kinda forgot you were here."

"It's cool. So, do we still have time for my turn?"

A part of Charlie wanted to lie and say they'd run out of time. I mean, it's not like any of them had bothered to ask how long these sessions were supposed to be. No one would even know the difference. However, a much larger part wouldn't let her. She knew that if she wanted demons to change their ways then she had to set the example. And that meant being honest and giving others the benefit of the doubt; no matter how much it hurt.

"Sure, we've still got about fifteen minutes. Go right ahead."

Upon hearing this, the bat demon smiled at her. Then, after clearing her throat and readjusting her seat, she began.

"Okay, so… where to start?" she asked herself aloud as she absentmindedly stared into her cup of fruit punch, which was now just a cup of grey liquid. "Well, I guess the beginning is as good a place as any. _Sigh_. My mom was a singer. I know, _big surprise_, but it's true. Her name was Regina Saccharine, though I don't blame you if you've never heard of her. She never really hit it big. Mostly, she just played in coffee shops and those really dinky outdoor festivals. Oh, she had talent. Sweet Jesus, did she have talent. But she just never got discovered."

Okay… nothing horrible so far, but Charlie remained cautiously optimistic; mentally bracing herself just in case things took a sudden turn.

"She died when I was six years old; I remember because it happened right around my birthday. And then I went to go live with my dad. They were never technically married, but they had some kind of arrangement. I don't know, I was too young to understand it. But anyway, my dad… well, I guess he tried to be there for me, but even back then I could tell his job meant more to him than me. So one day I just sort of… bailed."

Wow… this story was actually kind of resonating with her… kind of. But still, the Demon Princess half expected some kind of crude punchline just around the corner.

"So, there I was. A seven year old girl, all alone in the big bad world. Not gonna lie, it was pretty scary. But I learned fast, and eventually I met up with this old guy named Simon and he pretty much raised me from then on. He became like my dad and best friend all in one. But after five years, his brain started to go, so when he realized he couldn't take care of me anymore, he helped me get back together with my real dad."

If this was all an act, then Marcy deserved an academy award.

"Believe it or not, my dad was actually glad to see me. He said he wanted to be a better parent and, for the most part, he wasn't lying. He blacked out whole days in his schedule to spend time with me, and when I told him I wanted to be a performer like mom he got me the best music teachers and vocal coaches he could find. He was still a selfish asshole sometimes, but at least he tried. So I tried to be more patient with him. And for a while we made it work, but then one day, around my sixteenth birthday, we had a huge fight about… something _really_ stupid and I bailed on him again."

Oh… My… God… Could this really be for real? Was Marcy actually sharing her feelings with them? Could someone actually be taking her redemption program seriously?

Charlie certainly hoped so.

"Anyway, since then I've been pretty much on my own. Drifting around from place to place. Playing my music. Making new friends. Some of them good, others… not so good. _Sigh_. Look, I tried to always do the right thing, to be the kind of person my mom and Simon wanted me to be, but… it's just so hard. Especially in a world where doing the wrong thing is usually easier and a lot more fun. I don't know, maybe I just can't do it alone. Maybe… Maybe I need someone in my life who can help me. Someone who can… keep me on the right path."

Yes.

_Yes._

**_Yes!_**

This is what she was looking for.

_This_ was sharing.

Finally, after all this time, someone was taking her program seriously.

_Yippee_!

"Hey, uh, guys, I'm not feeling so good."

"That's okay, Marcy." Charlie said while smiling warmly. "Opening up can be difficult."

"No, I mean I _really_ don't feel good. I think I'm gonna… I'm gonna… _ugh_…"

And just like that, Marceline let loose a stream of cherry colored vomit.

This seemed to cause a chain reaction, for seconds later Baxter, Crymini and Angel Dust all did the same.

"Well it's about fucking time." The spider demon said annoyedly. "Fast acting my ass!"

"Angel, what are you…" the Demon Princess began, before a sudden stomach cramp stalled her tongue. That's when she remembered. The punch. Angel Dust had offered to make the punch. "Oh my God! Angel, what did you put in the punch?"

But alas, it was too late. The spider demon was already tripping balls.

"_Heh-Heh-Heh-Heh~ _30,000 feet, baby! Cruisin' altitude~"

"Oh, God dammit, Angel!" Crymini barked as she too began to feel the effects of the drug. "I've gotta be at work in an hour, you stupid bastard!"

Just then, Charlie unleashed the contents of her stomach onto the floor and her vision began to blur.

"Oh _man_…" she said as the world around her turned into a mishmash of psychedelic colors and floating geometric shapes. "This just isn't my day."

End Notes:

Just to clarify.

In my headcanon, sometimes when Marceline drains the red from something, she also absorbs some of the properties of whatever she drained. For example, when she drains a red popsicle she gets brain freeze, when she drains a red sourball her lips pucker, and in this case when she drained Angel's magic fruit punch she felt the same effects as everyone else.

With that said, thanks for reading and I'll see you in the next one.

Peace.


	7. Ch7: Green-Eyed Monster

Here's another on for you, folks. Adventure Time is the property of Cartoon Network and Hazbin Hotel is the creation of Vivienne M. Medrano aka Vivziepop. With that said, Enjoy.

Chapter 7: Green-Eyed Monster

As I may have mentioned before, being the lover of the Princess of Hell was not an easy life. It came with its own unique set of challenges and responsibilities; one of which was holding back Charlie's hair when she had to throw up.

Such as right now.

What had been intended as the first step on the long road to redemption for five wayward demons dissolved into chaos when a certain lanky spider, who would soon have his head shoved up his own ass if she had anything to say about it, spiked the fruit punch they had all been drinking with some kind of powerful hallucinogen.

When Vaggie arrived on the scene, everyone was either puking their guts out or swatting at invisible pixies. Thankfully, this was Hell, so no one was in danger of dying from an overdose, but still, steps had to be taken. So after having Niffty clean up all the vomit, she made her, Husk and Blitz escort the others to their rooms to ride out the effects of the drug while she personally escorted Charlie to their private penthouse suite to do the same.

Which leads us back to the present, with the Demon Princess' face in a toilet.

After a few more minutes and a dozen or so dry heaves, it seemed as though the worst was finally over.

"You okay, Hon?" Vaggie asked concernedly.

"Yeah, I think I got it all out of my system." Charlie replied, sounding totally exhausted from her ordeal.

"What the Hell did Angel put in that punch? I've never seen a reaction like this before."

"I don't know, it was some long Portuguese word. He said he got it from his friend Cherri Bomb."

"Well, whatever it was you seem to be alright now. C'mon, let's get you cleaned up and into bed."

After a quick shower, a change of clothes and a thorough oral cleansing, Vaggie picked up her beloved and carried her to their bedroom in the manner most befitting a princess.

"But Vaggie, it's too early for bed." Charlie whined, much to her lover's amusement. "It's barely noon and I have so much more planned for today."

"No buts." She said, soft but firmly. "You were up all night and you spent the last half hour throwing up. You need rest. End of discussion."

"_Sigh_. Yes, ma'am." The Princess relented as they reached their queen-sized bed.

And with that, Vaggie gently set Charlie down, tucked her in all nice and cozy, and planted a tender kiss on her forehead.

"There, now you just relax and leave everything to me. And if you need anything, just call me or Niffty and one of us will be right up."

"Thanks, Vaggie. You're always taking such good care of me." The Demon Princess said warmly, before her expression fell.

"What's the matter, Hon?"

"I don't know, it's just… I thought everything would get easier once I convinced enough demons to check in, but today was so awful. Blitz had a panic attack, Angel spiked the punch and made us all throw up, and aside from Marcy no one was even trying to take this seriously. _Sigh_. Maybe my dad was right. Maybe I don't know what I'm doing."

"Oh Charlie, of course you don't." Vaggie said comfortingly as she sat down beside her on the bed. "But that's only because what you're doing has never been done before. It's never even been tried. There's no way of knowing what to expect or what techniques are gonna work or not. The only thing we can do is work hard, do our best, and try not to get discouraged. And as for your dad, he's an asshole. End of story."

The Demon Princess couldn't help but chuckle at that.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. But still, I wish they'd at least give it a chance."

"Hon, you've got to face the facts. We're not talking about kids who stole candy and skipped Sunday school, these are hardcore, lifelong sinners. I mean, God is way more lenient than most people think. He understands about grey areas, and extenuating circumstances, and what's really going through people's minds when they commit sin. So the fact that they're even down here should tell you just how much they fucked up when they were alive."

"Then what should I do?"

"Honestly, I'm not sure. But I know you can't give up just because of one bad day. Hell, we've already had six months' worth, so what's one more?"

Again, Charlie couldn't help but laugh.

"I know I said this already, but you're right, Vaggie."

"Of course I am."

"Maybe I just need to change my tactics a little."

"That might help."

"Maybe… Maybe instead of trying to save everyone at once, I should just focus my efforts on the one who has the best chance. I mean, I only need to get one soul into Heaven to prove my theory. Then everyone will start to take this more seriously."

"Makes sense."

"So I'll keep the group sessions going for now, but I'll also have lots of private sessions with Marcy so I can help her get into Heaven twice as fast!"

"Seems reasona-wait, _what_?"

"I said, I'll keep the group sessions going…"

"I heard that part, but why do you wanna spend time alone with Marceline?"

"Because, out of everyone here, she has the best chance of getting into Heaven. She's nice, she's polite, she's friendly, everyone likes her, and she doesn't drink or cause trouble like the others."

"I understand that, Charlie, but I really don't think…"

"Oh, and you should've heard her in group today. She really opened up. And she's always listening to me and offering to help. I know she must've done something really terrible back on Earth, but I think she really believes in what I'm trying to do. I think she really wants to change."

"Charlie, I know Marceline seems nice, but there's something not right about her. I can't explain it, but I know she's up to something. So please, I'm begging you, don't spend any time alone with her."

But alas, this plea fell on deaf ears.

Midway through her speech, Charlie had at last succumbed to her extreme exhaustion and drifted off into a peaceful slumber; leaving her devoted lover alone with her thoughts.

XXX

Vaggie wasn't sure how long she'd been wandering the halls of the Happy Hotel.

Three hours?

Eleven minutes?

Eighty thousand years?

Time had lost all meaning to her.

After departing from the penthouse to let Charlie get some sleep, Vaggie's initial thought was to either go down to the kitchen to make herself a chocolate milkshake or to go to Angel's room and beat the living shit out of him for causing this mess; whichever she could find first. However, her ever growing anxieties had blurred her sense of direction, as well as her sense of time, so instead of indulging in either of her favorite pastimes, she just wandered around aimlessly for who knows how long. And all because of one, seemingly insignificant thought that weighed so heavily on her mind.

Charlie wanted to spend time _alone_ with Marceline.

And to make matters worse, she didn't even understand why that bothered her so much. I mean, she understood full well that Charlie's intentions were strictly professional; she only wanted to help Marceline get into Heaven so she could legitimize what the Hotel was trying to accomplish. And as for the bat demon herself, aside from getting her name wrong once, she hadn't really done anything to make her dislike her. Like Charlie had said, she didn't drink or do drugs or cause trouble. In fact, out of everyone, she seemed the most interested in what Charlie was preaching. In many ways, she really was the ideal candidate for redemption.

So then why didn't she want them to be alone together?

Why did just the thought of that make her feel so… _strange_?

She thought back to the first time she'd had that feeling. It was when the bat demon had been performing for everyone. Out of nowhere, she had two of Alastor's shadow minions throw Charlie on stage so she could sing with her. Good God, their voices blended so perfectly together. It was almost like they were made for each other.

_Aha_!

That was it!

Charlie loved to sing. She loved it more than anything else in the entire world; excluding Vaggie. And she was damn good at it too.

Vaggie also liked to sing, but she wasn't very good at it. In fact, I'd go as far as to say she was terrible at it. Despite possessing a perfectly lovely speaking voice, her singing voice was just plain awful. Back when they'd first started dating, she'd tried to serenade Charlie with a Spanish love song, but less than a minute into her performance her beloved Demon Princess asked her to stop; complaining of a headache. A few moments later, Charlie's Father came into the room to ask them why they were torturing a cat. She'd been so humiliated that she vowed never to sing again.

But now Marceline was here, and she _could_ sing; really well too. She could sing to Charlie and with her. And pretty soon she was going to be all alone with Charlie. And then they'd realize how much they have in common. And then they'd become even closer. And then… _And then_…

**_NO!_**

What the Hell was the matter with her?

Charlie wasn't like that. She wasn't the kind of girl who'd just jump into bed with some random stranger with a pretty voice and a stupid hat. She had way too much integrity.

And so what if she couldn't sing? That never mattered to Charlie, and they'd been together for over four years. By God, they loved each other, and that love was stronger than something as trivial as the ability to carry a tune.

Charlie leaving her for Marceline?

What a load of shit!

She ought to be ashamed of herself for even thinking it.

Charlie and Marceline?

_HA!_

Not in a million years!

Just then, a familiar burst of static reached her ears; followed swiftly by an equally familiar voice and some corny music.

_Once I was happy but now I'm forlorn~_

_Like an old coat that is tattered and town~_

_Left on this wide world to fret and to mourn~_

_Betrayed by a maid in her teens~_

Unsurprisingly, she saw Alastor strolling up the hall towards her; twirling his cane and singing some goofy ass tune from the 1930s.

_The girl that I loved she was handsome~_

_I tried all I knew her to please~_

_But I could not please her one quarter so well~_

_Like that man up on the Trapeze~_

"_Take it, Sister!_"

It took a moment for Vaggie to realize it, but that last line hadn't been part of the song; the Radio Demon was now speaking to her directly.

"Take what?" she asked confusedly.

"_Why, the chorus, of course. Come on, Darling. You know the words._"

"No I don't."

"_Beg pardon?_"

"I don't know the words to this song."

"_Oh… well that's unfortunate. How about this one?_"

With a snap of his fingers the music changed and Alastor started singing a different corny tune.

_She's the girlfriend of the whirling dervish~_

_She's the sweetest one he's found~_

_But every night, in the mellow moonlight~_

_When he's out dervishing with all his might~_

_She gives him the run-around~_

"Don't know this one either." Vaggie stated bluntly.

"_You don't? Hmmm… Well, that is a pickle._"

"Whatever. I don't know what your game is, but leave me out of it."

And with that, she attempted to leave the Radio Demon in her dust, only to find him standing directly in front of her once again.

"_I've got it!_" he said excitedly. "_I don't know why I didn't see it before. A high-class dame like yourself probably prefers a little light opera._"

He then paused to clear his throat as the music changed to a familiar piece from 'Carmen'.

_Toreador, Oh~ _

_Don't spit on the floor~ _

_Please, use the cuspidor~ _

_That's what it's for~ _

"Those aren't even the right words!" Vaggie said annoyedly. "And even if they were, why would I ever want to sing them with you? Or do anything with you? _Ever_?"

"_Now, now, Miss Vagatha, there's no need for such hostility._" The Radio Demon said in an annoyingly polite tone. "_I mean, is that any way to speak to an old friend?_"

"You're not my friend!" Vaggie spat venomously. "And don't call me Vagatha!"

Once again, she tried to storm off, but as usual, Alastor stuck to her like glue.

"_Say, do you know the story of 'Carmen'?_" he asked as he strolled alongside her. "_It really is quite a tale._"

"Did you not hear what I just said?"

"_A respected military man falls in love with a young woman who causes him nothing but trouble._" The Radio Demon continued undeterred. "_He sacrifices everything for her. Does everything he can to please her and make her happy. But in the end, she leaves him for someone more dashing and exciting. And then he murders her._"

"We are _not_ having a conversation right now."

"_I just find it so interesting that an otherwise intelligent woman would choose fun and excitement over devotion and dependability. But I suppose that sort of thing must be pretty common. I mean, it happens all the time in songs and literature, and those writers had to have gotten their inspiration from somewhere._"

"I know what you're doing." Vaggie said accusingly.

"_Oh, and what am I doing?_"

"You're trying to get me all freaked out about Marceline. You want me to think that Charlie might leave me for her so I'll go beat the shit out of her like some stupid, jealous frat boy, and you can have a big laugh."

"_My dear, I haven't the foggiest idea what you're talking about. I thought we were just having a lovely conversation about classical opera._"

"Whatever. Just stay out of my love life, asshole."

"_As you wish._"

And with that, Vaggie stormed off for a third time; only this time the Radio Demon didn't follow.

Can you believe that guy?

Of all the nerve.

Trying to make her think that Charlie would leave her for some smooth-talking street performer in tight pants.

Of all the ridiculous ideas.

But then… she'd already had a few of those ideas herself.

So what?

That didn't prove anything.

Charlie was old fashioned.

A true romantic.

She wasn't the type to just throw away over four years of near perfect bliss for some cheap thrills and a pretty voice.

But then… Charlie was prone to making impulsive decisions that often ended badly.

And music did tend to make her a tad irrational.

And Marceline was a very good singer.

No!

_No! _

**_No! _**

Charlie wasn't that kind of girl.

Vaggie hated herself for even thinking such a thing.

She trusted Charlie.

She loved Charlie.

And come Hell or high water, she was going to marry Charlie.

End of story.

End of discussion.

Period.

But then… it couldn't hurt to remind Charlie just how much she loved and trusted her.

Right?

End Notes:

"The Daring Young Man on the Flying Trapeze" and "Girlfriend of the Whirling Dervish" are both in the public domain. As is the opera "Carmen" as far as I know.

Anyway, thanks for reading and I'll see you next time.

Peace.


	8. Ch8: Devil on my Shoulder

Adventure Time is the property of Cartoon Network and Hazbin Hotel is the creation of Vivienne M. Medrano aka Vivziepop. With that said, Enjoy.

Chapter 8: Devil on my Shoulder

"There's no need to take it so personally." Said Baxter in the least condescending tone he could manage. "Truth be told, I liked the first one. And I enjoy Brendan Frasier as a comedic actor. All I meant was that, as a whole, the series was not as good as it could have been."

"Okay, I think I see what you're saying." Crymini replied. "The third one was shit, I don't think anyone's gonna argue with you on that. It was a soulless, joyless cash grab, and most real fans don't even consider it canon."

"Well, as long as we're being honest, I hated the second one too."

"Really? I liked that one."

"It was the son character. He just… he made the whole thing feel awkward and it just took me out of the experience."

"Eh… I can kinda see what you mean. What do you think, Marcy?"

"What? Oh… uh… I like Poodles, I guess."

This response was met with a stunned silence.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" asked the Irish Hellhound confusedly.

"What? You asked me what my favorite kind of dog was."

"That was twenty minutes ago."

"Oh…. Sorry, I guess I've just got a lot on my mind."

Understatement of the century.

The Vampire Queen had been staying at the Happy Hotel for over six weeks and she'd made basically no progress in her quest to win Charlie's heart. Oh sure, she'd made a good impression on the Demon Princess. Thanks to everyone's shared appreciation for her musical talent, the other guests had all but stopped fighting with each other; some, like Baxter and Crymini, were even starting to become something like friends. And whenever Charlie needed help with something, Marceline was usually the first one to volunteer. But none of that really mattered all that much because she couldn't get a single fucking minute alone with her.

Ever since that disastrous first group therapy session, Charlie had expressed an interest in having a few private sessions with Marceline; claiming that certain things were better confessed to one person, rather than in a group. Naturally, the Vampire Queen was all for it, but every time they tried to get together, a certain one-eyed busybody would swoop in with some lame excuse to keep them apart.

Honestly, you should hear some of them. Last time, Vaggie sidelined Charlie with a romantic dinner to celebrate the anniversary of the first time they both said 'I love you'. Can you believe that? Even Marceline would never pull something as cheesy and desperate as that.

Probably.

Anyway, she needed to come up with a way to keep Vaggie from butting in, which is why she kept drifting in and out of the conversion.

"You mean like how you're hot for Charlie?" Crymini asked bluntly, causing Marceline to choke on her own saliva.

"_W-What?_" she replied, sounding totally aghast. "I… I have no idea what you're talking about."

The Vampire Queen paused for a moment to regain her composure before she continued.

"And even if I did know what you were talking about, how do _you_ know what you're talking about?"

"Oh, come on, Love. You're not exactly subtle about it." The Irish Hellhound responded. "I mean, you're always following her around like a little puppy. Always volunteering for shit and trying to be her knight in shining armor."

"Jesus, am I that obvious?"

"I'm afraid so." Baxter chimed in. "I barely have a reason to care and even I noticed."

"_Ugh_…" Marceline groaned in frustration. "Well, whatever! So I like Charlie. Is that really such a big deal?"

"Not if you have a hospital plan." Crymini joked. "You do know she's with Vaggie, right?"

"So what? Just because they're together right now doesn't mean they're meant to be together forever. And besides, I'm not scared of that one-eyed bitch."

"Oh yeah? Then why haven't you told Charlie how you feel yet?"

"Because… uh… shut up."

Crymini looked like she was about to give a clever rebuttal, but whatever she was about to say died in her throat when Angel Dust suddenly burst into the room.

"Hey guys, you gotta come see this!" the spider demon said with all the exuberance of a young school boy. "Blitzy's havin' another meltdown."

XXX

Several minutes and one flight of stairs later, Marceline and the others found themselves looking at a most unusual scene. Vaggie and Niffty were standing outside what appeared to be a supply closet; the former pounding her fist violently against the door.

"I have a list of inappropriate behavior not tolerated in this hotel!" the one-eyed demon said furiously. "Number 1: _This_! Stop doing _this_!"

"_Sniff. Sniff._ What's Number 2?" asked an all too familiar whimpering voice from the other side.

"Nothing! I don't have a Number 2. I don't even have a list. Now get out of the closet! Niffty needs her shit!"

"**_LOONA HATES ME!_**" Blitz wailed miserably at the top of his voice. "I gave that girl nothing but appropriate and one jillion percent legal love, and… and she just **_hates me_**! _I can't take it anymore!_"

"_Ugh_! Every week with this crap! So your pet left you for another owner. Is it really worth all this drama?"

"You shut your filthy whore mouth! Loona was not just a pet. She was the light of my life. The flower of… of my lawn. Oh God, I don't even know what I'm saying."

From there, the devil man's speech dissolved into a slew of nonsensical jabbering.

"What happened?" the Vampire Queen asked, feeling a bit of concern for her ailing housemate.

"See for yourself." Answered Angel Dust as he handed her his smartphone.

The screen was opened to the 'Top Posts of the Day' page on Pandemonium; Hell's Number 1 social media site. And at the top of the list, with a whopping sixty thousand likes, was a photo of a tall, snowy white Hellhound smiling and carrying a short Imp woman on her shoulders; both of them clad only in bath towels and mud masks.

**Spa Day with Mom **

_#BestMomEver_

_#MillieRules_

_#BlitzSucks_

Ouch.

Poor Blitz.

"_Ugh_! I can't deal with this shit right now." Vaggie groaned in frustration as she walked up to the group. "Marceline, he listens to you. You talk to him."

"Okay, Your Majesty." The Vampire Queen replied mockingly before heading over to the door to do as instructed. "Hey Blitz. How you doing, buddy?"

"Marcy, is that you?"

"Yeah, man. It's me. You wanna come out and tell me what's wrong?"

"Marcy, I'm gonna be straight with you. I am all kinds of fucked up right now. I just drank a whole bottle of… I don't know, I think it's Listerine… or maybe some cheap pharmacy knockoff. Whatever it is, it's awful."

"Yikes. Listen, I saw the post. I know what you're going through right now."

"Oh really?" Blitz asked disbelievingly. "_You_ know what it's like to be betrayed by the person you love most?"

"Yeah, I do. It's happened to me like… eighteen times." Marceline admitted. "One time, I was dating this guy named Ash. And at first he seemed really nice. For a while I even thought he might be 'the One'. But then he sold my favorite stuffed animal so he could buy something really stupid for himself. And then after I dumped him, he tried to brainwash me into getting back together with him."

"Wow… that's… that's really fucked up." The Imp man replied. "Wait, I thought you were a lesbian."

"No, I'm bisexual."

"Really?"

"Yes, but that's not important right now. Just tell me what I can do to make you feel better so you'll come out."

"Will you have sex with me?"

"No."

"How about just a hand job?"

"Still no."

"Okay… do you have your guitar with you?"

"Of course, man. Always."

"Then will you play something for me?"

"Sure, like what?"

"I don't care. Play anything. With your voice you could sing the phonebook."

While never being one to blow her own horn, Marceline was not immune to flattery, and therefore blushed at the compliment. I mean, her voice was pretty amazing. There were tons of people back home willing to cough up a fortune to hear her sing. Hell, even Breakfast Princess, who had loudly sworn vengeance upon her after the Princess Day Incident, practically begged her to perform at her little sister's birthday party.

Anyway, after searching her extensive mental library of songs, she found one that was appropriate for the situation, whipped out her bass and began to play.

_Let's go in the garden~_

_You'll find something waiting~_

_Right there where you left it~_

_Lying upside down~_

_When you finally find it~_

_You'll see how it's faded~_

_The underside is lighter~_

_When you turn it around~_

Ah… this one took her back. Her mother had written this song just for her, and she always sang it to her whenever she was feeling down. It had just the right mix of sad and sweet to really tug at the old heartstrings.

_Everything stays~_

_Right where you left it~_

_Everything stays~_

_But it still changes~_

_Ever so slightly~_

_Daily and nightly~_

_In little ways~_

_When everything stays~ _

There was a second verse to the song, but the first one seemed to do the trick just fine. Blitz emerged from the closet a few moments after she finished playing; tears in his eyes, but otherwise in a much better mood.

"Thanks, kid." The devil man said gratefully. "That was… _wow_."

"No problem." Marcy replied, trying to sound modest. "So, you good now?"

"Yeah, I think I can make it the rest of the day."

"Good, cuz I hate seeing my friends like that."

Blitz seemed to appreciate this comment, for he flashed the Vampire Queen a warm smile in return. Elsewhere, the rest of the group seemed visibly touched by this display, even Vaggie; though she was doing her best to conceal it.

Just then, the sound of vigorous clapping reached her ears. Marceline turned around and, to her great surprise, she saw Charlie standing there, applauding her.

"Ch-Charlie." She said nervously; starting to blush a little. "When did you get here?"

"A few minutes ago." The Demon Princess answered cheerfully. "And I have to say, I am _sooooooo_ impressed with how you handled that."

"R-Really?"

"Absolutely! You resolved the situation with compassion and empathy, and without even raising your voice. You really are my star pupil."

"Well, it's only because I have such a great teacher." The Vampire Queen replied as her blush intensified.

Charlie started to blush as well, though probably for different reasons.

"Yes, well, anyway, I've got some free time this afternoon, so I was thinking maybe we could finally have our first private session today. Sound good?"

"Sounds great." Marceline said excitedly as her heart skipped a beat.

"Actually Charlie, I need your help with something." Vaggie cut in sharply, once again dashing the Vampire Queen's hopes and dreams. "We've gotta go over the books again."

"But we already went over them. Three times." Charlie argued.

"I know, by when I was quadruple checking them this morning I found an error on our electric bill. So now we have to octuple check everything to make sure there aren't any more."

"Are you sure that's necessary?"

"Charlie, pretty much all of Hell is against us and demons are looking for any excuse they can find to shut us down. Do you really want to go back to your parents and tell them we failed because of a delinquent bill?"

"Well, no, but…

"Exactly. Now come on. If we do this right it should only take about four hours."

"Oh… okay then. Sorry Marcy. Maybe tomorrow then."

"Yeah, sure… tomorrow." Marceline said as her heart sank yet again.

And with that, Vaggie took Charlie by the hand and led her down the hall like a child.

Marceline stood there in silence for several minutes, waiting until she was absolutely certain they were both out of sight and earshot. And once they were, she let her true emotions show.

"**_Motherfucker!_**" she shouted at the top of her voice, before slamming her fist against a nearby wall; causing it to collapse.

This display of her raw power and fury had been enough to send Niffty scuttling away in a panic, but as for the others, they were much less intimidated. Ever the daring one, Crymini stepped forward to see how her friend was doing.

"Feeling better?" she asked casually.

"No!" the Vampire Queen barked back. "Every time it looks like I might get to spend some alone time with Charlie, _every __**fucking**__ time_, that one-eyed bitch steals her away from me! What the hell is her problem?"

"You mean besides the fact that you're trying to fuck her girlfriend." Angel Dust said tactlessly, earning a soul-burning glare from the enraged Marceline. "Whoa, easy there, toots. All I'm sayin' is that you can't really blame her for tryin' to mark her territory."

"Charlie isn't her territory, you ass!" she spat venomously. "And are my feelings for her just common knowledge at this point?"

"With all due respect, Marcy. You do lay it on kinda thick." Blitz commented before making a feeble attempt to impersonate Marceline's voice. "_Oh, Charlie, you're such a great teacher. Here, let me carry those bags for you_. I mean, for fuck's sake, if I didn't know any better, I'd swear you were actually in love with her."

The Vampire Queen said nothing; she just turned her head and blushed.

"Holy shit, you are!"

"Yeah, so what!" she shot back angrily. "Is it really so hard to believe? Are you all so rotten and shitty inside that you can't see what a warm, loving, beautiful person she is? I mean, she's actually nice to you, she even offers you a way out of this shit heap and everyone laughs in her face! Don't tell me you actually like it down here!"

This time it was everyone else's turn to avoid making eye contact; only instead of blushing they all just looked a little ashamed.

"What?"

"Look, it's not that we don't want to go to Heaven." Angel Dust admitted. "I mean, over half the guys I've slept with have told me how much they wanna get outta here. Hell, I've got a sister up there I wouldn't mind seeing again."

"Then why isn't anyone taking this seriously?"

"Because it was Charlie's idea." Crymini answered bluntly.

"I don't understand."

"Look, kid. If someone like Vox or Stolas had pitched this redemption plan then more demons might've been willing to give it a try." Blitz explained while attempting to not sound condescending. "Hell, if a Fomorian were running this place it'd be packed. But Charlie… well… she just doesn't have that much pull."

"Why not? She's Lucifer's daughter. Doesn't that count for something?"

"You'd think so, but the sad truth is that Miss Charlotte has always had a reputation for being naïve and out of touch with reality; long before she ever opened this hotel." Baxter elucidated. "It stems from the fact that she spent the majority of her early life living amongst the other fallen angels, completely cut off from the rest of Hell."

"So she was sheltered as a kid, so what? Does that automatically mean she doesn't know what she's talking about?"

"Well… no…" the Irish Hellhound admitted. "It's just… she's not like us. For Christ's sake, she grew up in a palace, with servants and parents who spoiled her shamelessly. She's never known hunger or poverty. She never even had a job until she opened this place. She has no idea what it's like to be human. So how can she help us become better people?"

Marceline hated to admit it, but that was a fair point. How could Charlie really help anyone if she didn't fully understand what they'd been through? She was starting to understand why so many demons were so dismissive of her ideals.

"Plus, you know, that interview probably didn't help much." Blitz added offhandedly.

"What interview?" Marceline asked confusedly, earning an awkward silence. "Oh come on, guys. What interview?"

"_Sigh_. Well, you were gonna find out sooner or later. Might as well be now." Crymini said begrudgingly, before she turned to the adjacent angler demon. "Baxter, go fetch your laptop. And a chair, she's gonna want to be sitting down for this.

XXX

_Life will be sweet at the Happy Hotel~_

**_Click_**

The video was only about halfway finished, but for some reason Baxter saw fit to pause it right there; for which Marceline was immeasurably grateful.

"It only gets worse from here." The angler demon said in a nonchalant yet condescending tone. "But judging by the aghast look on your face, I'm assuming you got our point."

Aghast didn't even being to cover it.

After being led to the downstairs parlor by her fellow guests, the Vampire Queen had been sat down and shown a video on Baxter's laptop, depicting a television interview from over seven months ago. In it, Charlie had been attempting to explain the purpose and goals of her new hotel while being grilled and harassed by a very familiar looking reporter. After essentially letting herself get eaten alive, the Demon Princess spontaneously broke out into a song explaining her redemption project. And it had been one of the **_worst_** songs she'd ever heard in her entire life.

Crymini had been right, she was glad she'd been sitting for this.

"Oh. _My_. **_God_**." Marceline said with shock and dismay. "I'm in love with a Disney Princess!"

"Eyup." Angel Dust replied with a toothy smirk.

Blitz just snickered.

"It's not funny!" the Irish Hellhound barked, before turning her attention back to Marceline. "You okay, Love?"

"I… I'm not sure." She stammered, still reeling from the video. "I just… I just need to think for a minute. Everybody shut up!"

And surprisingly, everyone did.

Now that she had some peace and quiet, the Vampire Queen could finally sort through her thoughts.

Okay, on the one hand, she had just seen the girl she'd been pining after for over seven weeks sing one of the sappiest, cutesiest, most nausea inducing songs to ever exist in this or any other universe, and in the process, lost a bit of respect for her.

But on the other hand, was that really worth abandoning her quest for true love? Was she really so shallow that she couldn't overlook a single faux pas? After all, she has specifically asked Prismo for someone sunny, perky and cheerful.

But on the other hand, there was sunny and then there was certifiably sunny. And what if she did something like that back on Ooo? Her reputation would be ruined.

But on the other hand, was a reputation more important than true love? After all, Charlie was warm and loving, and she genuinely loved to help people. And in many ways she really was her perfect match. She wasn't just going to find another girl like Charlie by putting out a personal ad.

But on the other hand, **_that song!_** That sickeningly saccharine song! How could she as a musician, nay as an artist, be with someone who sings like _that_?

But on the other hand, it's not like she sang like that all the time. She knew full well that Charlie wasn't just a one note girl. Hell, by that point she'd heard her express just about every emotion out there through song. She was a full spectrum songstress. Do you have any idea how rare that is? Plus, now that she thought about it, the song hadn't been that bad. Sure it was sappy to the point of nauseating, but at least it had been genuine. Not like all the crappy prepackaged garbage you hear nowadays. Charlie put raw emotion into every song she sang, and that took real talent.

But on the other hand…

No!

_No! _

**_No! _**

There was no other hand!

"You know what? I don't care." Marceline declared boldly, having finally made her decision. "I love Charlie and I'm not gonna give up on her because of one crappy song."

"Seriously?" Angel Dust asked disbelievingly. "Well, you're a trooper. I'll give you that much. So, how are you gonna get past her vicious, one-eyed guard dog?"

And just like that, the wind left her sails.

"_Sigh_. I have no idea." The Vampire Queen admitted as she slumped down into her seat.

"_Perhaps I can be of assistance_." Said an all too familiar voice.

From seemingly out of nowhere, Alastor stepped into to picture; his ever-present smile somehow even wider than usual.

"_Would you all mind stepping out for a few moments?_" he asked the others politely. "_I'd like to speak with Miss Marceline in private._"

Not needing to be told twice, the four other demons all hurried out of the room. Crymini hung back for a second to mouth the words 'be careful' before exiting with the rest.

"Okay, Stretch." The Vampire Queen said fearlessly. "So what's on your mind?"

"_Right to the point, I like that. I really do._" The Radio Demon replied cheerfully. "_Anywho, I hope you'll forgive me for eavesdropping, but I just happened to be passing by when I overheard you boldly declare your love for Miss Charlotte. And I must say, I found your passion deeply moving._"

"Uh… thanks." She said confusedly. "Is that all you wanted to say?"

"_Far from it, my dear. I've come to offer my assistance?_"

"With what?"

"_Why, with winning Miss Charlotte's heart, of course._"

"Uh-huh… And you wanna help me because…"

"_Ah-Ha-Ha! My dear, I can tell you don't trust me. And rightfully so. In my time up on Earth I've bifurcated, decapitated, eviscerated and yes, in a moment of weakness, I've even filed a false income tax return. But even with my blackened, bloodstained soul, I can clearly see that you two crazy kids are made for each other. And what kind of monster would I be if I stood in the way of true love?_"

Naturally, Marceline wasn't buying any of this for a second. This guy just oozed sleaze from every pore. However, he had piqued her curiosity.

"Okay, let's pretend I believe you. How exactly would you help me?"

"_Why, by getting Miss Vagatha out of the way, of course. So you can be alone with Miss Charlotte and work your magic on her._"

"And how would you do that? You're not gonna hurt Vaggie, are you?"

"_Of course not. In fact, I'm not going to do anything to her at all. Niffty will do everything for us._"

Okay, now she was _really_ curious. And since she didn't have any ideas of her own, it couldn't hurt to at least listen to what the Radio Demon had in mind.

Right?

"Okay, I'll bite. What's your _brilliant_ plan?"

Upon hearing this, Alastor's smile grew even wider.

"_Well…_"

End Notes:

Just to remind everyone. Prismo uploaded some basic information about this universe into Marceline's brain to help her fit in better. That's how she knows what Disney is.

With that said, thanks for reading and I'll see you in the next one.

Peace.


	9. Ch9: Confessions and Confrontations

I got nothing to say. Adventure Time is the property of Cartoon Network and Hazbin Hotel is the creation of Vivienne M. Medrano aka Vivziepop. Enjoy.

Chapter 9: Confessions and Confrontations

High up on the 11th Floor of the Happy Hotel, Marceline stood out on her balcony and looked down on the rest of the city; in more ways than one.

Seriously, what a shit heap this place was. The air was foul. The streets were full of garbage. The buildings were ugly. And the people were all either thugs, assholes, drug addicts or cretins; or at least the vast majority.

Calling this place Hell was almost too generous. Charlie deserved better than to have to live in this cesspool. She deserved to live in a world of sunshine and rainbows. To live somewhere where people at least tried to be friendly with each other. The Land of Ooo was far from perfect, but compared to this world it was a paradise. And by God, she was gonna see it; even if Marceline had to move Heaven and Earth.

"Marcy?"

Speak of the Devil, or in this case his daughter.

As if on cue, Charlie stepped out onto the balcony. For a second, the Vampire Queen wondered how she'd gotten into her room, but then remembered that, as the Owner of the Hotel, she probably had a Master Key.

"Oh, hey Charlie. What's up?" she asked nonchalantly, as if she hadn't been expecting her to show up here eventually.

"Have you seen Vaggie?" the Demon Princess asked concernedly. "She wasn't in bed when I woke up this morning, and nobody seems to know where she is."

"Did you talk to Niffty? Because she told me Vaggie was helping her with something down in the subbasement."

"The subbasement? Oh, thank God." Charlie said, breathing a sigh of relief. "It must be the water heater again. The stupid thing's always on the fritz, and Vaggie's the only one who knows how to fix it."

"Oh, well then mystery solved. So, you wanna hang out?"

"What?"

"I… I mean, now that you know Vaggie's okay and that she'll probably be busy for a while, why don't we try to have our first private session. We could do it out here on the balcony."

"Oh, that's a good idea. Sure, why not." Charlie replied cheerily as she joined her patient on the railing. "Listen, I wanna apologize for the way Vaggie's been acting these last few weeks. I don't know why, but she's just been so… clingy lately."

"It's cool. So, how do you wanna start? Should I tell you more about my Dad? My Mom? Simon?"

"Actually, I was thinking we should talk about Bonnie."

Suddenly, it felt as though there were a vice clamped around Marceline's heart.

"W-W-Why do you wanna talk about her?" she stammered nervously.

"Well, you've mentioned her several times in group, but whenever someone asks about her you change the subject. So I figured it might be easier to talk about her if it's just the two of us. Is that okay?"

"I… I guess that'd be alright… so, where do you want me to start?"

"Wherever you feel most comfortable. This is a safe space, Marcy. No one's gonna judge you, and nothing you say will ever leave this balcony. I promise."

That eased her tension, if only a little bit, but at the very least she felt comfortable enough to actually reply.

"_Sigh_. Okay…" the Vampire Queen said as she forced her Vault to open even wider. "Bonnie… she… she was a scientist. A bioengineer. Maybe the best in the world."

"Wow, sounds interesting."

"Not really. I never understood half of what she did in her lab. It was all nerd stuff. Not really my thing."

"I see… and how did you first meet?"

"It was a long time ago. I was tagging near her lab. She caught me and threatened to call the cops. But I teased her about being an uptight little nerd and she started tagging along with me just to prove me wrong. And… I don't know, we just sort of… hit it off."

"And that's when you started dating?"

"No, at first we were just friends. We hung out a lot, usually at her place. She was always under so much pressure at work, and I was pretty much the only one who could get her to relax. It was great for a while, but eventually her work got more and more complicated and she just didn't have time for me. So we just kinda drifted apart."

"I see, then how did you get back together?"

"Later on, I made some new friends. But it turns out they were already friends with her, so I guess it was inevitable that we'd meet up again. At first I was mad at her for choosing her precious job over me, but eventually I got over it and we started hanging out again. At first it was only as a group, but before too long it was just the two of us again. I don't really know how it happened. We never really used the word 'couple' or 'date'. But then one day we just sort of realized, 'hey, we're together now', and we just kinda ran with it."

"That's very sweet. So tell me, what was she like as a person?"

"That all depends on who you ask. Most people who knew her only in passing thought she was a prissy little nerd. And people who knew her a bit better thought she was an amoral sociopath. But I knew the real Bonnie. And yeah, she wasn't perfect. But she always put other people before herself. And she was just so sweet and warm and funny, kind of a dork but oh so loving and… sometimes I wonder what she ever saw in a screwed up kid like me."

"Hey now, don't be so hard on yourself. I know we haven't known each other for very long, but from what I've seen you're a wonderful person. And anyone, man or woman, would be lucky to have you as their girlfriend."

That had been pretty shmaltzy, but somehow it made Marceline felt a bit better.

"Listen, you don't have to keep going if you don't want to. We can talk about something else."

"No, I… I want to finish." The Vampire Queen said, suddenly feeling a little stronger. "We were officially together for like, I don't know, about three years, and things had been going so well that I decided to go ahead and pop the question. So I went out and got a ring with a diamond shaped like a gumdrop, she… she really loved candy. But when I proposed to her she… she…"

"She said no?"

"She said marrying me would be 'too dangerous'." Marceline answered as she gripped tightly on the railing. "She said that her work was too important and that me being there all the time would bring 'too many variables'. She told me, in the nicest way possible, that her job was more important to her than me. _Just like my fucking dad!_"

Suddenly she felt something warm wrap around her body.

Without her realizing it, Charlie had enveloped her in an impromptu, but _very_ welcome hug.

"You poor thing." She said sympathetically. "And that's when you ended up down here?"

"Actually, it was like a month later, but yeah… she's the reason I'm here."

"Oh, you _poor_ thing." The Demon Princess repeated as she tightened her embrace.

'Great. Now she thinks I'm a suicide.' The Vampire Queen thought to herself beratingly. 'Oh well, at least the hug is nice.'

"Are you okay, Marcy?" Charlie asked sweetly.

"Yeah, I'm alright." She replied. "Actually, this is the first time in a while I've been able to think about Bonnie without crying. I think you being here really helped."

"Well in that case, I'm happy I could be of assistance." The Demon Princess said blushingly. "You know, it hasn't even been ten minutes yet. Is there something you'd like to ask me now?"

Marceline was a little caught off guard by this question. Obviously there were so many things she wanted to ask Charlie. So many deep and personal secrets she was desperate to know. But for some reason, the first thing that popped into her head was…

"What's a Fomorian?"

"Oh… that's uh… interesting. Why do you wanna know about them?"

"I don't know. Blitz mentioned them yesterday and he made them sound like a big deal. So… who or what are they?"

"Oh, well… they're nothing all that special. Just Earth's original inhabitants. The ones God made before humans."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, God made them around the same time he made the dinosaurs. I guess you could call them 'prototype humans'. But they were so arrogant that they turned against him almost immediately. And after millions of years of them acting like total assholes, God finally decided he'd had enough, so he wiped them all out with a meteor and sent their souls down here for all eternity."

"Wow… How come none of that's in the Bible?"

"It was originally, but the Council of Nicaea edited it out for some reason."

"Huh… so what are they like? The Fomorians I mean."

"They're the worst. My dad tried to force me into an arranged marriage with one about a hundred years ago, but she was _horrible_. She ate like ten times a day, mostly raw meat, and yet somehow never gained a pound. Her breath was disgusting, and don't even get me started on all the weird stuff she made me do with her in bed. _Ew_!"

"Jesus. She was that bad and your dad still tried to force you to marry her? Sounds like a real jackass."

Suddenly, Charlie's expression became much more somber and the Vampire Queen realized she might've made a big mistake.

"Charlie, I'm sorry. I didn't mean…"

"No, it's fine." The Demon Princess cut her off, sounding a little deflated. "He's not… _as_ bad as most people think. At least not when it comes to me or Mom, or any of my aunts and uncles."

"Aunts and uncles? Wait… back up a sec. The Devil has siblings?"

"Eh… sort of. They're not related by blood or anything, but all angels consider themselves family. Even the ones down here."

"I see… so what are they like?"

"They're okay, I guess. They mostly just keep to themselves, unless my dad wants them to do something for him. Unlike me, they don't mind being bossed around all the time."

"So your dad's kind of a control freak, huh?"

"You have no idea. Everything always has to be his way. What I wear. What I say. What I think. I'm over three hundred years old and he still treats me like a baby. You should've heard him when I told him about my redemption plan."

"That bad, eh?"

"Worse. He was so mad he almost blew the roof off the palace. The only reason he even let me try was because Vaggie talked him into it."

"Really?"

"Yeah… he _really_ respects her opinion. Everyone in my family does. No one ever talks to her like she's a child. Or pats her on the head. Or pinches her cheeks. Or calls her 'Pumpkin'. God, I **_hate_** that nickname!"

Marceline made a mental note to never use that as a pet name.

"Sometimes I think…"

"What?"

"Nothing, it's… it's stupid."

"No, come on, tell me. I promise I won't laugh."

"_Sigh_. Fine, it's just... sometimes I think… that the only reason my dad lets me stay with Vaggie is because he wishes she was his daughter instead of me."

"Wow… that's… that's pretty messed up. Does Vaggie know you feel this way?"

"No, you're the only one I've ever told. And I'd really appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone else."

"Don't worry, I'm great at keeping secrets. You have my word."

"Thanks." The Demon Princess said warmly as she placed a hand on one of Marceline's. "You're a great friend, Marcy."

"Yeah, right… friend." The Vampire Queen said awkwardly, before plucking up the courage to finally say what she'd been wanting to for weeks. "Say, um, Charlie, there's something I've been wanting to ask you for a while, but I'm not sure if I should."

"What do you mean?

"It's just… we haven't really known each other all that long, and I don't want you to think I'm crossing a line or anything."

"Marcy, this is a safe space, remember? Nothing you say or do will be judged or repeated to anybody. So just say whatever's on your mind."

"Well… okay." Marceline said before taking a deep breath to steady her nerves. "Charlie, are you sure Vaggie's the kind of girl you want to be with?"

To her credit, Charlie's reaction wasn't nearly as negative as the Vampire Queen had expected. Instead of getting angry or defensive, her face merely deadpanned in confusion.

"Say what now?"

"I'm just saying that you're so nice, and sweet, and cheerful and fun loving. And she's just so… cold, and crabby, and bossy, and mean. I'm worried that being with her might be crushing your spirit."

"Marcy, I don't see… or like where you're going with this."

"Look, I just… don't like the way she talks to you sometimes. The way she talks down to you and leads you by the hand like you're a little girl. And after hearing everything you just said, I can't help but think that… well…"

"Well _what_?"

"Well… I can't help but think that maybe the reason your dad likes Vaggie so much is because she's exactly like him."

"Okay, now you **_are_** crossing a line!" The Demon Princess said sharply, before taking a quick breath to calm herself down. "Marcy, it sounds like you're just trying to help, and I appreciate that. But I'm not gonna stand here and let you or anyone else disrespect the woman I love. You don't know Vaggie like I do, and you _definitely_ don't know my dad. They are _nothing_ alike."

"I'm sorry, I just… I thought maybe you could do better than her."

"Do better?" the Demon Princess repeated, sounding almost insulted. "How could I do better than someone who loves me and would do anything to make my dreams come true?"

"How about someone who would do anything for you and never talk down to you or treat you like a child?"

"Oh yeah, like who?"

"Well… like me."

Once again, Charlie surprised her with just how well she could control her emotions. Instead of some kind of comedically over the top reaction, she just awkwardly said,

"Uh… What?"

"Charlie, I… Oh, God Damnit, I'm sick of dancing around it! Charlie, I'm in love with you! I have been ever since I first heard you sing. But it's more than just your voice. You're warm and sweet and loving and you're just the most wonderful person I've ever met. I know I'm flat broke and all I've got is this stupid hat and a guitar, but I know we'd be so good together. And I know I could make you so happy. So… what do you say? Do you wanna give me a chance?"

Yet again, the Demon Princess's response was almost uncharacteristically reserved. Instead of answering right away, she remained silent and gave herself a moment to think. Her expression changed more than a dozen times; from surprise to concern to pity to several others that were harder to identify. Finally, after settling on guilt, she spoke up.

"Marcy… I…"

"**_YOU!_**" roared a familiar voice from somewhere close by, cutting off whatever Charlie was about to say.

From seemingly out of nowhere, Vaggie stepped through the balcony door; practically foaming at the mouth. In place of her usual mini dress was a pink and black poodle skirt ensemble with matching shoes and earrings. Her face was caked in so much makeup that she almost looked like a whore and her new 1950s bouffant hairdo gave her the appearance of a housewife. It was all so comical that the Vampire Queen couldn't help but burst out laughing.

"It's not funny!" the one-eyed demon spat venomously as she stomped her way towards them; wincing a few times as she walked.

"Oh my God! Vaggie!" Charlie exclaimed as she rushed to her girlfriend's side; her eyes wide with loving concern. "What happened to you?"

"Niffty happened!" she said furiously, pausing to wince once again. "_Somehow_ that little psycho got it into her head that I was overworked and needed a 'special surprise makeover spa day' to cheer me up. So she kidnapped me, tied me up, and spent all day doing _this_ to me! _Ow_!"

"Why do you keep wincing like that?"

"Because she also gave me a Brazilian Wax! _Ah_!"

"_Heh-heh. _More of a razor kinda girl, huh?" Marceline joked, earning a poisonous glare from Niffty's fashion victim. "Oh, lighten up, Mrs. Cleaver. It's funny. Besides, you can't get mad at me for something Niffty did."

"Funny you should say that. Because after that little maniac _finally_ untied me, she told me that this whole thing was **_your_** idea!"

"Huh… now why would she say a thing like that?"

"**_I'M GONNA KILL YOU!_**"

"Whoa! Easy there, Vaggie." Charlie said as she attempted to restrain her enraged lover. "I'm sure Marcy had a good reason for doing this."

"Yeah, because she's obsessed with you." Vaggie replied bluntly. "I heard her little confession on my way in. I knew there was something wrong with her and now I know what. She's a crazy, pathetic stalker freak!"

"Say that again! See what happens!" the Vampire Queen said furiously, but was promptly ignored.

"Charlie, she's dangerous. We have to throw her out now."

"Don't listen to her, Charlie. She's just trying to control you. You know I'd never hurt you."

"You stay out of this! You don't know anything about anything!"

"I know a toxic relationship when I see one. And I know that Charlie deserves someone better than some rude, bossy, manipulative, ultraviolent one-eyed bitch!"

"That's it! You're gone!"

"That's not for you to decided! This is Charlie's hotel, not yours!"

"Fine! Charlie, tell her she's out of here!"

"Don't listen to her, Charlie! Tell her you want me to stay!"

By this point, the Demon Princess was just a bundle of nerves; hers eyes constantly darting between the two of them, and sweating profusely. Had they been in the right frame of mind, both the Vampire Queen and her romantic rival would've realized how much their arguing was affecting her. But since they weren't they didn't and simply allowed her to keep suffering until she finally gave them an answer.

"I… uh…"

**End Notes: **

At this time, I'd like just like to ask that everyone try not to judge Vaggie and Marceline too harshly. Neither of them is being their best selves right now. They're both being dominated by their fears and insecurities, and being manipulated by outside forces. So, you know, kinda reserve judgment until the end.

With that said, thanks for read and I'll see you in the next one.

Peace.


	10. Ch10: I Scream, You Scream

Adventure Time is the property of Cartoon Network and Hazbin Hotel is the creation of Vivienne M. Medrano aka Vivziepop. With that said, Enjoy.

Chapter 10: I Scream, You Scream

To say that yesterday had been unpleasant for the Princess of Hell would be an understatement of the highest caliber. In fact, it had been one of the worst days of her entire life; not the absolute worst, but definitely somewhere in the Top 10.

After Marcy's trick had been exposed and her true intensions revealed, she and Vaggie had been at each other's throats; each one all but demanding her to turn against the other. It had placed Charlie in a very uncomfortable position; forcing her to choose between the woman she loved and her best prospect for proving her redemption theory.

In the end, she decided to lean towards the latter and not throw Marcy out. Naturally, Vaggie had been very upset by this, but the Demon Princess assured her that she was going to set her no longer secret admirer straight and make sure she understood that they had no future together.

After 'discussing' the issue for several hours with her lover the night before, it had been decided that the best way to break things off with the bat demon was to do so one-on-one and in a public setting where she was less likely to make a scene. And so, to that end, Charlie had invited her to accompany her to her favorite ice cream parlor; under the pretense of it being a new type of therapy technique.

Which brings us to the present.

Charlie and Marcy were strolling side by side down one of Hell's many crowded sidewalks. Each one enjoying a different frozen treat courtesy of M.T. Wexler's Old Fashioned Creamery; the only ice cream parlor in all of Hell that didn't use pills or crystal meth as toppings. Sure, there was still alcohol mixed in, but it was fine as long as you didn't eat it too fast. But anyway, so far their little venture into the city had gone without incident. In fact, neither of them had said anything since leaving Wexler's about eleven minutes ago. The silence was soothing, but at the same time unnerving; sort of like the quiet just before a bomb goes off.

"You know what's weird?" Marceline asked suddenly, finally breaking the awful silence. "When I asked that lady at the counter which flavor looked the most like blood, she didn't even flinch. Like she hears that question all the time."

"Well, considering this is Hell, that's entirely possible." Charlie replied, attempting to keep the conversation light. "I mean, she had an answer for you almost immediately. By the way, how is your ice cream."

"It's okay, hold on." The bat demon said casually before sinking her fangs into the frozen confection to drain the rest of the red from it. "Ah~ _Delicious_~ Oh shit, _brain freeze_!"

The Demon Princess couldn't help but laugh at this display. For a moment she even forgot why she was there. But once Marcy's rather humorous head pain subsided, she remembered her true objective and adopted a more series expression.

"Marcy, there's something we need to talk about."

"Don't bother." The bat demon cut her off. "I know you're kicking me out of the Hotel."

"What?"

"That's why you brought me out in public, so I wouldn't make a scene. And you even bought me ice cream to soften the blow."

"Marcy, I'm not kicking you out." The Demon Princess interjected. "Not yet anyway. But I just want you to know that what you did yesterday was completely unacceptable. You coerced one of my hotel staff into kidnapping the woman I love, just so you could be alone with me. And after your confession, I must admit, there's a part of me that thinks you've been lying to me all this time. That you've just been telling me what I want to hear so I'll go to bed with you."

"No, Charlie I…

"Let me finish." She said sternly before continuing. "Now, as I was saying, part of me thinks you've been lying to me. But another, much bigger part wants to believe that you've mostly been telling the truth and that somewhere deep down you really do want to better yourself. And that's usually the part I listen to. So, for now, I'm willing to forgive you and let you stay, but if you ever pull something like that again, I'll have no choice but to banish you from my Hotel. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Ma'am. I understand." Marcy replied meekly.

"Good. I'm glad we could have this talk."

"But that doesn't change how I feel about you. I'm still in love with you, Charlie. And I know we're meant to be together."

"Marcy… _sigh_… You don't really love me. You just want to love me because you're afraid of being alone. And that's perfectly understandable, but this kind of… infatuation isn't healthy. And it certainly won't help you get into Heaven."

"I don't care about Heaven. I care about love." The bat demon said passionately. "I care about having someone to hold hands with while we walk down the street. I care about having someone beside me when I fall asleep and still be there when I wake up. And as much as I hate to admit it, I also care about having someone to cuddle with me on the couch when I'm feeling lonely. But keep that one under your hat, okay?"

Charlie just nodded in response.

"The point is that I don't know a lot of things, but I know how I feel. I really am in love with you, Charlie. And okay, maybe I jumped the gun a little with Vaggie, but I still think I'd be much better for you, and I'm willing to bet everything on it."

"What do you mean?"

"You know that big extermination thing that's coming up in a few months?"

"Uh… yeah."

"Well, if I can't convince you that we're meant to be together by the time it's over, then I'll leave the Hotel and you'll never see me again."

"Marcy, I… I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that."

"Look, I promise I'll stay out of your and Vaggie's way. I won't interfere with any of your dates or anything like that. I'll just keep showing up to our group and private sessions. That's it."

"Marcy, I really don't think…"

But before the Demon Princess could finish her thought, an unfamiliar voice derailed their conversation.

"Mom, _please_ don't make me do this." Said the voice, clearly recognizable as that of a young female. "Come on, I said I was sorry."

"Sorry isn't gonna cut it this time, young lady." Said another voice, this one also female but much more mature. "Like it or not, Moxxie is your daddy now, and that means you have to give him the same respect you give me. And when you don't, it means you have to be punished. End of story."

"But it was an accident. He just caught me off guard."

"Nobody bites someone in the face by accident, sugar. Especially not down here. Now come on, there's no talking your way out of this."

Giving in to her curiosity, Charlie turned away from Marcy to see who was talking, and to her surprise, she saw a short, dark-haired imp woman leading a much taller wolf like hellhound on a leash. Granted, this on its own was not all that unusual; hellhounds were on the low end of Hell's hierarchy and often treated as pets or sex slaves. But what caught her attention was the fact that she knew this particular hellhound, at least by reputation.

"Loona?" she said aloud without meaning to, instantly gaining their attention.

"Yeah. Who's asking?" the snowy white Hellhound asked annoyedly.

"Uh… I am." Charlie answered nervously, but thankfully before things could escalate into something violent and/or awkward, the hellhound's owner stepped in.

"Oh. _My_. **_Gosh_**!" the little imp woman said excitedly. "Princess Charlie! It is just an absolute honor to meet you. I'm a **_huge_** fan."

"It is? You are?" the Demon Princess asked confusedly.

"Oh, absolutely! I don't care what anyone else says, I thought your song was just too delightful. I'm Millie, by the way. And this is my new daughter, Loona. But you already knew that." The little imp replied with an aura of perkiness to match her own, before turning her attention to Marcy. "Oh, and I already know who you are. Blitz used to just rave about you in all the texts he sent me before my husband made me block his number. And he was right. You are just _too_ adorable. And you've got such a _gorgeous_ butt."

"Wait, Blitz said **_what_**?" the bat demon asked with equal parts anger and embarrassment.

"Oh, don't worry. That's just his way." Millie explained, before adopting a much less cheerful expression. "How is he?"

"He'd be doing a lot better if it wasn't for you two." Marcy answered crassly. "Every time you post a new status update, he loses his mind. After the last one he tried to kill himself by drinking mouth wash."

"Oh dear…"

"Hey, back off!" Loona barked as she took a defensive position in front of Millie. "It wasn't our idea. Stolas makes us post those photos. He's the one who wants Blitz to suffer, not us."

"Seriously?"

"I'm afraid so." The little imp woman replied somberly. "I wanted this lawsuit to be as quick and painless as possible, but once Stolas got involved… well, you know how vicious those upper level demons can be."

Charlie knew full well, having nearly been forced to marry one some time ago, so she sympathized with their position.

"I understand." She told them. "And my friend is sorry for snapping at you. **_Aren't you_**?"

"Yeah, my bad."

"Oh, it's quite alright, darlin'. And really, just knowing Blitz has friends who care about him that much puts my mind at ease."

"Well I'm glad that's settled. So, what brings you to this part of town?" the Demon Princess asked politely.

"Nothing much. Little Miss Grumpy Pants here pitched a fit when my husband tried to give her a belly rub and bit him right in the face. _Twelve times_. So now I've gotta punish her."

"How? By making her follow you around on a leash?" Marcy asked confusedly.

"Oh, no. She _loves_ this part. Isn't that right, Sweetie? Yes, you just love going for walkies with your new mommy~ Don't you, my cute widdle Poopsie Whoopsie~"

"_Mom_! You promised you wouldn't call me that in front of people!"

"And you promised to respect Moxxie and start calling him 'Daddy'. And yet here we are."

"_Ugh!_"

"Anyway, after I got my hubby all stitched up, I made an appointment for Loona at the Lady Cerberus Hellhound Salon so she can get a deluxe makeover." Millie explained, but upon seeing the confused looks on both their faces, she decided to elaborate. "You see, I'm strongly against child abuse and animal cruelty. So I favor creative over corporal punishment."

"Letting a bunch of fags shave my ass and turn me into a fucking poodle, you don't call that cruelty?"

"Keep up that attitude and I'll make this a regular thing."

"_Ugh_! **_Fine_**! I'll behave. But can you at least tell them not to touch my bush? I'm kinda sensitive down there."

"I think we can work something out." Millie said slyly before turning her attention back to Charlie and Marcy. "Anyway, it has just been an absolute treat meeting you two, but we've gotta get going before we miss our appointment at the salon. Have a wonderful day, Your Majesty. You too, Miss Vaggie. Oh, and tell Blitz I said Hi. _Ta-Ta_~"

And with that, the little imp woman and her hellhound daughter were already halfway up the street; leaving the two women in an awkward silence.

"They thought… I was _Vaggie_?" Marcy asked, sounding completely dumbfounded.

"So it would seem." Charlie replied, stifling a laugh.

"_How_ and _why_ would she ever think I was Vaggie?"

"Well… it might have something to do with you being out in public with me, on what probably looks like a date. Also, there's your grey skin and the fact that your hair is covering one of your eyes right now."

"Whatever!" the bat demon spat defensively as she threw her hair out of her face.

Again, the Demon Princess had to hold back a giggle.

"You know, you really should give Vaggie a chance. You two actually have a lot in common."

"Yeah, like what?"

"Ice cream."

"So what? Lots of people like ice cream."

"No, I mean yours is melting."

"What?"

And sure enough, it was true. While they'd been chatting, her ice cream had dripped all over her gardening gloves.

"Eh, whatever. I was done with it anyway."

And with that, Marcy casually tossed the half melted cone over her shoulder.

An act she would quickly come to regret.

"**_AH_**! What the shit?" an unpleasantly familiar voice said furiously. "Okay, who's tired of breathing?"

'No, not her.' Charlie thought frantically as a creeping dread washed over her body. 'Please, God, anyone but _her_.'

Slowly she turned around and, to her immense displeasure, she saw that it was in fact _her_. The disgusting yet admittedly sexy mass of tentacles, teeth and attitude who had been the bane of her existence for as long as she could remember. Her archnemesis and all-around least favorite person in all of Hell, the Future Grand Duchess of the Fomorians, Helsa von Eldritch.

Standing beside her was another Fomorian Charlie had never seen before. She was slightly shorter than Helsa and a fair bit… plushier, for lack of a more polite word. Her skin was dark blue and like all Fomorians she had a mouth full of razor sharp teeth. But by far her most striking feature was her single massive eye which was kept shut via a diamond stud in her eyelids.

For a moment, the Demon Princess thought they might get lucky and Helsa wouldn't notice them. But no sooner had the thought entered her mind then did the two Fomorians turn around and catch sight of them.

"Well, isn't this a fun surprise." Helsa said in that oh-so oily voice of hers; smiling wickedly as she and her companion approached them. "My old friend, Charlie Magne. Why, I haven't seen you since… the last time you publicly humiliated yourself. So what's it been? Twelve weeks? That's a personal best for you, isn't it?"

"Helsa." Charlie replied in the most polite but least friendly tone she could manage, while doing her best not to gag from the Fomorian's rancid, butcher shop dumpster breath. "You're looking well."

"Thanks. Ballie and I just came from the spa." The slimy cephalopod said in that disingenuous tone people use when they're trying to be polite to someone they hate. "Oh, that's right, you two haven't met, have you? Charlie, this is my new Boo, Ballora Bale-Eye. Ballora, this is Charlie. The one I told you about."

"Charmed." The other Fomorian said in a raspy voice that didn't quite match her appearance.

"Ditto." The Demon Princess replied with false decorum. "So, Helsa… I see you're branching out from your usual tastes."

"Yeah, Ballie's a little thicker than I usually like, but trust me, she's _amazing_ in bed. Plus, it never hurts to broaden your horizons." Helsa said with her usual oily snark. "But what am I telling you for? From the looks of it, you've already got yourself a hot new piece."

"Marcy isn't my girlfriend. She's a guest at my hotel." Charlie said, trying not to show how flustered she was. "And not that's it's any of your business, but out of everyone, she's the closest to getting into Heaven. Why, she'll probably be out of Hell before the next Cleansing."

At this, Helsa let out an unpleasantly throaty chuckle.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing, it's just really cute that after all these years you're still trying to impress me."

"_What_? No! I was just…"

"Look, I think it's sweet that you've still got a thing for me, but you've just gotta accept that it's never gonna happen. Our fathers couldn't agree on a dowry so the wedding was canceled. It wasn't personal. And really, it was for the best, because you're lousy in bed."

"Well maybe I could've done better if you hadn't been shoving your gross tentacles up my ass!"

"You have no appreciation for romance."

"**_I_** _have no appreciation for romance_?"

"Whoa. _Whoa_! **_Whoa_**! Back it up a second." Marcy interjected suddenly. "You two used to be together? _You're_ the Fomorian she almost married?"

"Oh, she told you about that, did she?" Helsa asked amusedly. "Yes, it's true. Our fathers arranged for us to be married about a hundred years ago. They even made us live together while they hammered out the details. Until they got into an argument and called the whole thing off. But enough about that. Let's talk about you, Cutie Pie. If you're not attached to Charlie, then how'd you like a night with a couple of real women? Ballie and I are into some really weird shit. What do you say?"

"Thanks. But I don't think I can hold my breath that long." The bat demon said sarcastically. "Seriously, your breath is dog shit. Have you ever heard of tooth paste?"

At this, the Fomorian just laughed and said,

"That's One."

She then turned her attention back to Charlie.

"So by the way, where is that yummy little ragdoll of yours? Did she finally come to her senses and dump you when she realized what a shitty girlfriend you are?"

That was the last straw.

"Hey! I am a great girlfriend!" the Demon Princess shouted as her blood began to boil. "Vaggie and I are doing just fine!"

"Yeah, sure you are. All 'great girlfriends' frequently embarrass their lovers in public, ignore their sound advice and invite dangerous psychopaths to live with them. Psychopaths, I might add, who get a kick out of humiliating said lovers."

"How do you…"

"Know about Alastor? Immaterial. What matters is that I know _you_. As well I should. I mean, one doesn't live with a woman for seven months without learning how she thinks. One doesn't taste the flower of a woman without becoming familiar with her habits. One doesn't shove one's tentacles up a woman's asshole again and again until she screams like a fucking baby…"

"Is there a point to this, or are you just trying to make us throw up?" Marcy asked derisively.

"_Heh-Heh_. That's Two. And anyway, my point is that I know Charlie better than almost anyone. I know how she thinks. And I know why her little redemption plan isn't working?"

"Oh, and why is that?" Charlie asked annoyedly.

"Because your motives are corrupt."

"_What_?"

"That's right. If you really cared about redeeming souls, you would've done it by now just by listening to Vaggie. After all, she knows more about Heaven than almost anyone else down here. But no, it's not enough for you to just get some souls into Heaven. You have to do it _your_ way, because that's the only way you can show your dad that you're not the failure he thinks you are. And at the end of the day, that's all you really care about."

"That's not true!"

"Oh yes it is. Everyone down here thinks you're just a naïve little goody two shoes. But I know better. I know that deep down you're even more self-centered than I am. No small feat, I assure you."

It was at this point that Charlie's resolve was beginning to breakdown. Helsa's words cut far deeper than she would've thought. And for a moment, she feared she might start crying. But luckily, Marcy intervened.

"That's enough!" the bat demon barked furiously. "Listen you squiggling mass of squid shit, I don't know who you think you are, but Charlie _is_ the Princess of Hell, and like it or not you are gonna show her the respect she deserves. So you'd better apologize before I kick your fucking ass!"

To emphasize her point, Marcy had poked Helsa in the chest several times as she spoke; an act which Charlie knew from experience was a _very_ bad idea.

"Did you just _poke_ me?" the Fomorian asked as her left eye began to twitch.

"Yeah, so what if I did?"

"And that's **_three_**!"

And before anyone could even try to react, Helsa wrapped Marcy in her tentacles and slammed her hard against the nearest wall. Then, with hate in her eyes, the Fomorian opened her mouth impossibly wide; revealing her many rows of razor sharp teeth.

Realizing what was about to happen, Charlie rushed to save her friend, or at least she tried to. Before she could take even a single step, the Demon Princess fell to the ground; feeling helpless and weak.

She looked up and, to her surprise, she saw that Ballora was standing over her with a cruel smile on her lips. The stud had been removed from her eyelids, unveiling her single bulbous eye. Charlie wasn't quite sure how, but she knew that that eye was draining away her strength. So she could only watch in horror as her friend was about to be brutally devoured.

Of course, Marcy wasn't just going to take this lying down. She struggled and writhed and transformed more than a dozen times, but Helsa's tentacles were just too strong.

Slowly, the Fomorian's giant maw closed in on the bat demon. For a moment it looked like it was all over for her.

Until…

_Shing_!

Suddenly, there was a long, sharp spear sticking out of the back of Helsa's head. And holding onto that spear was none other than Charlie's favorite girl, the ever fearsome and fabulous Vaggie; her hair and clothes restored to their usual loveliness.

With a wet and sickening _crack_, Vaggie pulled her weapon out of Helsa's skull, causing her to fall limply to the ground.

"Helsa!" Ballora screamed as she rushed to her girlfriend's side; taking her baleful eye off Charlie. "It's okay, baby. I've got you."

"Get this shit out of my sight." Vaggie told the shorter Fomorian in a commanding voice; glaring straight into her bulbous eye.

Not needing to be told twice, Ballora did as instructed and carried her lover off to parts unknown.

With the threat over and her strength returning, Charlie stood up just in time to see Marcy rushing over to thank her savior.

"Oh my God! Thank you so much." The bat demon said, breathing heavily.

"You're welcome." Vaggie answered gruffly, before turning her eye to glare at Charlie. "We need to talk."

**End Notes: **

Thanks for reading and I'll see you in the next one.

Peace.


	11. Ch11: Ganymede Envy

Sorry for the slight delay. Family stuff came up. Anyway, Adventure Time is the property of Cartoon Network and Hazbin Hotel is the creation of Vivienne M. Medrano aka Vivziepop. With that said, Enjoy.

Chapter 11: Ganymede Envy

Over on the southside of Pentagram City, there sits a tower over a hundred stories tall, each with an area only slightly smaller than that of Vatican City. And at the very top of that tower, there sits a gleaming palace of light; the home of Hell's Royal Family. And within this palace, in the Grand Ballroom to be precise, the undisputed and utterly terrifying King of Hell, Lucifer Morningstar Magne, was having the time of his extremely long life.

For those of you fortunate enough not to currently be in Hell, allow me to explain.

Today was the blessed/infernal anniversary of His Royal Highness' marriage to the lovely and equally terrifying Lilith of Eden, and as per their tradition, she was performing a private concert for her beloved husband and his entire extended family; minus two.

This year she'd composed an aria dedicated to her husband's all-time favorite subject; love. And not just their own love, but all the joys and pains of lovers throughout the millennia. The lyrics were all in the ancient language of the Angels, which doesn't translate well into English. So rather than trying, I shall instead attempt to summarize.

After the verse about their own whirlwind romance, she sang of Psyche, who overcame numerous trials to prove herself worthy of her beloved Eros. Then she sang of Orpheus, who ventured into the Underworld to rescue his wife Eurydice, only to stumble just before crossing the finish line. Then came Pygmalion, who carved his perfect woman out of ivory and prayed to Aphrodite until she came to life. Followed by Aphrodite herself, who watched in horror as her beloved Adonis was torn apart by a wild boar. Next came Zeus, whose extramarital escapades were as numerous as the stars. Followed by Myrrha, who was unjustly punished for the victimless crime of loving her father too much. But by far Lucifer's favorite verse was the one dedicated to Ganymede.

Oh, blessed Ganymede, the beautiful young man who won the heart of Zeus. Ganymede whose fairness earned him a place at Zeus' side as his faithful drink bearer. Ganymede who the divine ruler of the heavens loved more than anyone else, even his own wife. Ganymede whose story made the Dark King's heart swell with immeasurable joy and envy.

As per usual, Lucifer had a front row seat and was flanked by six of the seven members of his inner circle; Samael, Beelzebub, Azazel, Mammon. Moloch and Belial. The seventh member was off on an important mission for her beloved King, to whom she was eternally loyal and grateful.

But regardless, the aria soon came to a climactic finish and the host of Fallen Angels went up in thunderous applause; Lucifer, of course, clapping the loudest.

"Bravo! Bravissimo!" the Light Bearer shouted at the top of his voice. "Magnífica! Wunderbar! Fantastique! Well done, my Delightful Dove! Well done!"

Lilith gave a bow to the audience, but then left the stage without saying a word.

Naturally, this was extremely out of character for such a flashy performer and it caused some rumblings within the crowd, but luckily their Supreme Leader was there to calm them down.

"Okay, Brothers and Sisters, settle down." Lucifer said as he stood up on his chair so everyone could see him. "Now obviously my beloved is just a little tired right now, so there's not gonna be any encores. But that doesn't mean we have to stop having fun. AZ, BZ, go get the karaoke machine. Mam, Molly, break out the Twister Mat! Belle, tell the kitchen staff to bring up every bottle of champagne they can find. This is supposed to be a party, people. So let's **_party_**!"

And with that, the ballroom erupted into another round of thunderous applause.

With his Legion momentarily pacified, Lucifer silently signaled for Samael to follow him and the two snuck quietly out the back.

For those of you who don't already know, Samael, or 'Sammy' as some liked to call him, was Lucifer's right hand man and favorite brother. Which was ironic considering that they were basically polar opposites. While Lucifer was flashy and flamboyant, Samael was conservative and kind of bland. His jet black hair was always short and neatly trimmed, he was always dressed in dark business suits and his voice was always in a soft monotone. Honestly, he was kind of a drag, but he was brutally efficient in his work and he made for the perfect straight man, so the King loved having him around; especially in a crisis, such as right now.

"You know what this is about, don't you?" Samael asked his master as he adjusted his glasses.

"Of course I know what it's about. It's the same thing it's been about for eight friggin' months." Lucifer replied before groaning in exasperation. "Lily's been so upset lately she won't even spoon with me anymore. We haven't had sex in over five weeks."

"Ouch."

"Tell me about it. I thought for sure I could at least make her happy on our anniversary. But no, it's just more of the same."

Seconds later, they arrived at their destination; the Royal Bed Chamber, where the Queen was sure to be.

"Watch the door, Sammy." The King told his loyal second. "And don't let anyone disturb us, no matter what."

"As you command, my Brother." Samael replied with a bow.

And with that, Lucifer slowly opened the door and peeked his head inside.

"Hello~ My Darling Lilypad-_OOOF_!"

Once his eyes readjusted, the Dark King realized that he'd been hit in the face by a flying pillow, thrown by his beloved Queen, who was sitting on their bed and scowling at him.

"I sense that you're still upset."

"Now why would you ever think that, My Husband?" Lilith asked sarcastically, still glaring daggers at him. "Just because our Daughter isn't here to celebrate our anniversary with us for the first time since her birth? Just because she's down _there_ with the unwashed masses instead of at home where it's safe? Just because you forced me to block her number so I have to worry every second of the day whether she's been shot or stabbed or violated? No, I haven't a care in the world."

"Now, Sweetness-_OOOF_!"

Another pillow to the face.

"Will you _please_ stop doing that?"

"Bring her home and then I'll stop."

"Lilith, we've been over this. The plan only works if Charlie comes back on her own."

"Oh, fie on you and your stupid plan!" the Queen shouted as she threw another pillow at her husband's face. "Our Daughter is living amongst killers and crack addicts and all you care about is some crackpot scheme you cooked up with one of your flunkies!"

"Now, Precious-_OOOF_! I'm only thinking-_OOOF_! About what's best-_OOOF_! For our Daughter's-_OOOF_! You know you're going to run out of pillows eventually!"

"I'll have the servants bring more!"

"_Lilith_!" Lucifer shouted furiously, before taking a deep breath to calm himself down. "Can we please not do this today? Can we please just sit down and talk this out like husband and wife? After all these millennia, haven't I earned at least that much?"

"Fine." Lilith conceded, albeit begrudgingly. "You may sit beside me. But don't you dare touch me!"

"Fair enough." The Dark King replied as he took a seat on the bed beside his Queen. "See this? This is me not touching you. This is me respecting your boundaries."

"Oh shut up."

"Hey now, that is not the way husbands and wives talk to each other."

"Fine… I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted. Now look, Sweetness. _Sigh_. I know you don't approve of how I've chosen to handle this situation. And I know you're worried about Charlie's safety. But I also know _you_, and the Lilith I know has too much faith in our Daughter and our future Daughter-in-Law to think they can't take care of themselves. So please, tell me what's really bothering you."

"_Sigh_. It's just… lately it feels like you don't even care about her anymore." Lilith admitted. "You don't call her. You don't let anyone else call her. And now you've forced me to perform on our anniversary like nothing's changed."

"Forced you? But Darling, you love to perform. I was only trying to help you take your mind off all this. At least for one day." Lucifer explained, earning another, slightly less intense glare from his spouse. "But… I now realize that I was wrong, and that I should've been more sensitive to your feelings. I'm sorry, Lilith."

"Do you have any idea what it's like to sing a song about love while your heart is breaking?"

"I can't say that I do."

"It's unbearable! I just… I want everything to go back to the way it was."

"I know, Precious. But it's not going to be much longer. I promise."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because Vaggie's last update was very reassuring. According to her, none of those idiots are taking Charlie's program even remotely seriously. All they do is drink and argue over movie trivia. Hell, one of them tried to kill themselves by drinking mouthwash."

"Oh my."

"Exactly. Even Charlie can't ignore the reality of her situation forever. Before too much longer, she'll realize that those scumbags aren't worth the effort. Then she'll give up and come back home and everything can go back to normal, except that she'll be much wiser from the experience."

"I… I suppose you're right."

"Of course I am. And once she's finally over all this redemption nonsense, we can get our Daughter focused on more important matters. Like planning her and Vaggie's wedding. I know how much you've been looking forward to that."

This time Lilith said nothing, but instead offered her devoted husband a loving smile. Clearly his words had soothed her, if only for the time being.

"That's my girl." Lucifer said affectionately; treating her to his own toothy grin. "And please, try not to let this get to you. I promise, by this time next year, this whole thing will just be an ugly memory."

Again the Queen said nothing, but her expression softened considerably. And for a moment it seemed that all was well.

Until…

**_SLAM!_**

Suddenly the door flew open and two of Lucifer's younger brothers, Beelzebub and Azazel, came stumbling in; followed swiftly by Samael.

"Damnit, Sammy!" the Dark King cursed at his right hand man. "I gave you one job!"

"Sorry, Apple Daddy. But's it's important." Beelzebub said frantically.

"It's about Charlie." Azazel added.

And just like that, the Light Bearer's heart sank.

"Charlie? Oh Lord. What happened? Is she alright? What did she do now?"

"See for yourself." Samael replied before handing him his smart phone, with the screen opened to a page on the Channel 666 News Website; the headline read as follows.

**Princess Dumps Her Girlfriend**

"What the hell is this tabloid shit?" Lucifer asked furiously. "And what stupid, soon to be skinless media parasite dares to defy **_my_** gag order?"

"Watch the video." Beelzebub suggested, and the King decided to do just that.

Scrolling down just a bit, he found the video they were talking about and, to little surprise, discovered that it was a clip from a news segment by Katie Killjoy and Tom Trench that had aired earlier that same day. Understandably enraged, but also curious, Lucifer clicked the play button and shut out all distractions.

"…leaving thousands without food or water." Said the smarmy gasmask faced man as he finished up whatever story he'd been reporting. "And now onto the lighter side. Katie, I believe you've got something special for us today?"

"That's right, Tom." The insectoid whore replied with an insincere smile. "Folks, the Princess of Hell is in the news yet again, but not for the reason you might think."

Almost immediately, Lucifer's blood began to boil.

"Earlier today, this station received footage from an anonymous source, depicting a heated domestic dispute between everyone's favorite easy target and her long time fuck-buddy." Katie continued before allowing her on-air persona to slip away completely. "Oh, who am I kidding? It was me. I filmed the whole thing. Now roll the tape!"

Suddenly, the scene changed to a Blair Witch, guerilla style view of the inside of some bushes. Then, the camera slowly raised itself out of the shrubbery and zoomed into a nearby window; giving the audience and the Dark King a shaky but clear view of a very familiar looking parlor.

In it, Lucifer saw his Daughter, his future Daughter-in-Law, and an unidentified demon in a straw sunhat. And, like the news whore had said, they were having a heated argument.

"That's it! You're gone!" Vaggie shouted furiously at the unknown demon. "Go pack up your shit and get out!"

"Vaggie, you're not being fair." Charlie protested. "Marcy didn't do anything wrong."

"Stay out of this, Charlie!" her future wife barked before intensifying her glare at the one called 'Marcy'. "Messing with me is one thing, but Charlie could've been seriously hurt because of your stupid bullshit! Even a two year old knows you never pick a fight with a fucking Fomorian!"

"Hey, I didn't start shit!" 'Marcy' spat back with equal intensity. "That bitch Helsa was insulting Charlie! I was just defending her honor! What, you're telling me you wouldn't've done the same?"

"That's different!"

"How?"

"Because _I_ know what I'm doing! _I_ can handle myself in a fight! _You_ are just some lovesick, stalker dipshit!"

"Say that again! I dare you!"

"That's enough!" Charlie stepped in, looking like she was on the verge of tears. "Vaggie, please stop this. I know you feel threatened by Marcy, but you have to know that I would never…"

"**_Threatened?_**" Vaggie repeated defensively. "I am **_not_** threatened by her! What the hell do I have to be threatened by? Some talentless street performer in a stupid hat?"

"**_Talentless?_**" 'Marcy' repeated furiously.

"That's right! You heard me! Everyone thinks you're _so_ great because of your voice, but if they bothered to listen to any of your lyrics they'd realize you suck! Half your songs are just you whining about your dad, and the rest are just bland, pretentious, nihilistic bullshit! You're a hack and you know it!"

"**_I'll kill you!_**"

And once again, Charlie had to get between them; this time quite literally. After struggling to keep them apart for about a minute, she finally managed to pull Vaggie aside.

"Vaggie, please stop this. You're scaring me."

"Charlie, I… I'm just trying to look out for you. I know you always try to see the best in people, but trust me, Marceline is dangerous. So please, for my sake and yours, throw her out."

"Marcy's not dangerous. She's the best patient we have. I need her!"

"Fine! Then I'll throw her out for you."

"What? You can't do that!"

"Oh yes I can! This might be _your_ hotel, but it's running off _my_ sweat and _my_ blood, so I get a say in how we run it! And I say she's out of here!"

"No she's not!

"_Ugh_! God damn it! Will you just listen to me for once! I'm not gonna let you risk your life for one of your stupid ideas!"

'Oh shit.' Lucifer thought, and judging from the look on her face, Vaggie had thought the same thing.

"Stupid?" Charlie repeated, once again on the verge of tears. "You think my ideas are _stupid_?"

"Charlie, I… I didn't… I didn't mean… It just slipped out… I…"

"I see." The Princess said coldly as her sorrow began to mix with anger. "Well it's nice to know how you really feel."

"But Charlie…"

"You're fired."

"But Charlie, listen…"

"**_I said you're fired! Now get out!_**"

And abruptly, the scene shifted back to the news room, where the two anchors were busy laughing their asses off.

"Hot damn! That just gets better every time I see it." Said Katie Killjoy in between her cruel guffaws. "Who knew Little Miss Dancy Pants had it in her?"

"She is one nasty bitch." Said Tom Trench before adding. "Think she'd go out with me now that she's single?"

"Everything you say disgusts me, Tom."

**_FWHOOOSH!_**

Without even thinking, Lucifer incinerated the phone and then crushed the ashes in his hand.

This was not good.

This was 1000% not good!

His Daughter had just made, by far, the absolute stupidest decision of her entire life. His Wife, who had just gotten over her latest bout of hysteria, had fainted from the shock. And he was on the verge of atomizing his entire palace in a fit of rage.

But thankfully, the Dark King knew better than to succumb to such shallow emotions. So instead he just turned to his brothers and smiled.

"Oh Sammy~" he said sweetly, despite still shaking with anger.

"Yes, Brother?" Samael replied.

"I want that little muckraker **_eliminated!_**"

**End Notes:**

Remember way back at the beginning when Prismo said that traveling to a timeline outside one's own multiverse was extremely dangerous and that just the act of being there could stir up a proverbial hurricane of unforeseen consequences? This is the kind of thing he was talking about.

Anyway, thanks for reading and I'll see you in the next one.

Peace.


	12. Ch12: A Little Help from a Friend

Adventure Time is the property of Cartoon Network and Hazbin Hotel is the creation of Vivienne M. Medrano aka Vivziepop. With that said, Enjoy.

Chapter 12: A Little Help from a Friend

"Oh God… _Oh_ _God_…" Blitz said anxiously as he stared into his phone. "Loona just posted a new pic on Pandemonium. I don't know if my heart can take it."

"Then don't look at it." Baxter suggested in the most condescending tone he could muster.

"No, No, I already know it's there. If I don't look at it now, I'll just spend all day obsessing over what it might be." The lanky imp man explained before handing his phone over to another bar patron. "Angel, you look at it for me."

"Okay." The spider demon said with a shrug before examining Blitz's mobile. "Holy Shit!"

"What? What is it?"

"Looks like Loona's got herself a whole new look. She's gone from white wolf to pink poodle."

"Oh my God!"

"Actually, she doesn't look too bad. She's got streaks of black mixed in with the pink. She's like a… Goth-a-Poo or somethin'."

"Oh my _God_!"

"Oh, and it seems I'm not the only one who likes her new look. Little Loona's got herself a new girlfriend."

"_What_? _Who_? Who is it?"

"I'm not so sure I should tell ya. I don't think you can take it."

"Bullshit! I'm a grown man! I can handle the truth, no matter how ugly it is. So lay it on me, Stretch."

"Okay, but unless I miss my guess, that's Stolas' daughter Octavia, and she and Loona are…"

"I was wrong! Lie to me! _Lie, damn you!_"

"Uh… I think they're rehearsing a play. Is there a mostly naked version of 'Oklahoma'?"

"**_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!_**"

And with that, Blitz ran screaming out of the lobby; presumably to perform another ill-conceived and utterly futile suicide attempt.

Angel Dust, of course, just sat there and laughed.

"_Heh-Heh-Heh_. Holy Shit. Blitzy's losing his mind." The spider demon said with a sadistic smirk.

"Yeah, so why do you keep picking on him?" Crymini asked disapprovingly.

"Was that a rhetorical question?"

The Irish Hellhound opened her mouth to respond, but before she could, an all too familiar sound cut her off.

_Ding-Dong._

It was the doorbell, obviously, but since recent events had left the regular hotel staff in disarray, there was no one to answer it. So Crymini, for various reasons, took it upon herself to answer it for them. Upon doing so, she found a portly, armadillo like demon standing on the doorstep, holding a stack of pizzas.

"Hey, what's up?" the armadillo man asked nonchalantly. "Is this the Happy Hotel?"

"No, it's a drycleaners. We just put the giant flashing neon sign on as a gag." She replied sarcastically.

"_Ha-Ha. _Very funny. Look, I've got four 3-Person-Mafias and the boss told me to bring 'em to this address."

"What the fuck is a 3-Person-Mafia?"

"It's a large thin crust pizza topped with anchovies, veal meatballs and diced scorpion peppers."

"That sounds horrible! I'm not paying for some gross prank pizzas."

"Actually, someone already paid for these online."

"Oh, well then hand 'em over." Crymini said rudely as she took the boxes from the younger demon's hands; because after all, a disgusting free pizza is still a free pizza.

"Hey! What about my tip?"

"Dude, you're delivering pizzas in Hell. It is way too late for constructive criticism."

And with that, she promptly slammed the door in his face and went back into the lobby to show off her edible booty.

"Hey, guys! Check it out!" she called to her companions at the bar. "I got free pizza!"

"Hot Damn! I'm starvin'." Angel Dust proclaimed joyfully.

"Oh, what the hell, I could eat." Added Baxter.

And the two rushed over to enjoy the spoils. But before they could grab even a single slice, a familiar greyish blur beat them to the punch.

"Hands off!" yelled the blur, now revealed to be Vaggie, as she snatched the pizza boxes from Crymini's hands. "These are my pizzas! Go order your own!"

"Oh come on. You're seriously gonna eat four huge pizzas all by yourself?" the Irish Hellhound asked annoyedly.

"That's right." The one-eyed demon replied caustically.

"Didn't I just see you slam down a taco platter like two hours ago?" asked Angel Dust with only a hint of concern.

"Yes, and before that, I saw you inhale an entire case of Oreos." Baxter added, sounding even more detached than Angel. "Not to mention the deluxe sushi boat, the rib roast from the fridge, the pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream, those stuffed bell peppers from last thursday, that triple stacked garlic bacon cheeseburger with curly fires, the…"

"So I eat when I'm upset! So what?" Vaggie said defensively.

"Well that's one mystery solved. Now we know what you're in Hell for." The spider demon said jokingly. "Gotta say though, never took you for a glutton."

"Oh, like you're one to judge!" she shot back venomously. "I could eat like this every day and burn down an orphanage on Christmas Eve and I still wouldn't be as bad as you three fucks!"

"So… your girlfriend dumped you and your plan to win her back is to be super bitchy _and_ fat?" Crymini asked derisively. "Follow-up Question, you've been stuffing yourself for like a week, how the fuck have you not gained any weight?"

"Shut up!" Vaggie yelled furiously. "Charlie didn't dump me! She just fired me as her Hotel Manager… and kicked me out of the penthouse… and said we were on break…"

"Ah… Straight to the point and yet still somehow roundabout. Classic Charlie." Angel said mockingly; which earned him another piercing glare from Vaggie.

But before the one-eyed demon could act upon her rage, her phone began to ring. Seemingly forgetting everything else, she pulled it out to see who was calling, but upon doing so, her eye went wide, her skin grew pale and she dropped the pizza boxes to the floor.

"The pizzas!" Crymini cried out in despair.

"Take 'em." Replied Vaggie, her voice suddenly like that of a frightened child. "I just lost my appetite."

Then without another word, she excused herself from the room; presumably to answer her phone.

The Irish Hellhound briefly considered going after her to see if everything was alright, but a sudden rumble in her tummy made her reconsider; because after all, a free pizza on the floor is still a free pizza.

XXX

It had taken Vaggie about fifteen minutes to find a secluded balcony on the seventh floor where no one would bother her, and at no point did her phone ever stop ringing. Not that she ever thought it would; Lucifer was many things, but impatient wasn't one of them.

Oh, how she'd been dreading this call; ever since that media vulture Katie Killjoy posted their breakup on her stupid news show. She knew that sooner or later Charlie's Father would come demanding answers, but it was a genuine shock that he had waited this long.

Remember earlier when I said that being the Princess of Hell's lover wasn't easy? Well, this was another reason why. Lucifer Morningstar Mange, the Supreme Ruler of Hell, was a being of many frightening contrasts; one minute he was a loving, devoted husband and father, the next he was an unstoppable avatar of fire and rage. And the worst part was that he could switch between these two extremes so seamlessly that it was almost impossible to predict what he was going to do at any given time. So a big part of being Charlie's girlfriend was keeping her father happy; which, given their current relationship, was like juggling butcher knives on a high wire.

But regardless, there was no sense in putting it off any longer. So after putting her phone on Speaker, because she didn't want the Dark King screaming directly into her ear, she tapped the Answer button on her screen and said,

"Hello."

"Hello yourself." The voice on the other end said in a soothing, almost hypnotic tone. "Tough week, eh Kiddo?"

"Sir, I know you're angry, but…"

"No, No, No. We've been over this a thousand times." Lucifer cut her off, still using that eerily calm voice. "Lesser beings call me 'Sir'. _You_ are a member of my inner circle, and as such, you must call me…"

"I'm sorry. I… I just forgot. Forgive me, Apple Daddy."

"That's better." The Dark King said amusedly, before adopting a much sterner tone. "Now on to business. What the **_fuck_** is going on down there?"

"Please, I know you're angry, but let me explain."

"No, let _me_ explain. When Charlie first suggested this Redemption Plan, I wanted to nip it in the bud, but _you_ convinced me to let her try. _You_ said that all she needed was a little experience to help her mature. _You_ said that once she saw just how hopeless the lower demons were, she'd give up and come around to our way of thinking. _You_ said that _you'd_ keep me updated on any unforeseen developments and make sure that nothing interfered with our plan. _You_ said that everything would be back to normal before the next Cleansing. So tell me, why is my very impressionable daughter suddenly getting so cozy with some _lowly __**mortal sinner**_?"

"Please, I know how it looks, but I really can explain everything."

"Of that I've no doubt. And because you've proven your loyalty to me time and time again, I'm going to let you. But this is your only chance. So make it count."

Vaggie was understandably terrified. One wrong word could spell doom for herself and for Charlie. But at the same time, she couldn't just outright lie. Afterall, she was talking to the man who invented lying. Best to deflect as much of the blame from Charlie as she could.

"It all started a couple months ago. This new girl, Marceline, showed up at the Hotel and she really hit it off with Charlie. So well that I kinda… sorta… got insanely jealous. And then I got super clingy. And then… then I got so freaked out that I spat on her dreams until she cried. Oh God, just fucking kill me already. I deserve it."

"Jeez, take a pill, Kiddo. I'm not gonna kill you. I don't do that to family. What kind of monster do you think I am?"

"Well…"

"Shut up. That was obviously rhetorical. And anyway, based on what little I've seen of her, this Marceline isn't exactly a passive observer in all this. She's clearly got a thing for Charlie, which means you're only half to blame for all this. But don't worry, I can fix everything."

"How? Charlie kicked me out of the penthouse. She won't even talk to me. And now she's spending all her time with Marceline, who's filling her head with who knows what."

"What did I just say about taking a pill? And trust me, it's gonna be fine. Now here's what's gonna happen. I'll be there in like half an hour, and after I'm done turning this Marceline bitch into a giant bloody sock puppet, I'm shutting down the Hotel and bringing you both home."

"No, please…"

"_I'm bringing you both home_." Lucifer repeated, a bit more forcefully this time. "And then we're all going to sit down and talk this out like a family. No matter how long it takes."

"You can't do that!" Vaggie shouted, briefly forgetting who she was talking to.

"Oh, and why not?" the Light Bringer replied in a soft yet sinister voice.

Suddenly, Vaggie felt very, _very_ sick. She had just, albeit unintentionally, told the King of Hell what to do. And as I'm sure you've already guessed, he **_really_** doesn't like that. Now she had to think of a response that wouldn't get her erased from existence.

"Be-Because… Because Charlie's already mad at me. If you come down here now, she'll think I asked you to. And then she'll never forgive me."

There was a long pause as Lucifer thought over what she'd just said; every second felt like an eternity. But finally, after about a minute and a half of unbearable silence, the Dark King replied.

"Well, we certainly can't have that." He said calmly, much to Vaggie's relief. "But this Hotel nonsense is clearly putting a strain on your relationship, and we can't have that either. I need you two back to being in love so you can get married as soon as Charlie comes to her senses. So, Kiddo, how do you wanna handle this?"

Once again, Vaggie felt very sick. She hadn't the slightest idea how to fix this mess. But Lucifer was expecting an answer, so she had to say something. But again, any sort of lie would be detected immediately. But she had to say _something_. Something that would save herself, Charlie and the Hotel all at once.

She needed an idea.

No, she needed a miracle.

And believe it or not, that's precisely what she got.

Just as she was about to open her mouth and say something that would probably get her killed, something small and fast skittered up her leg, around her ass, past her stomach and then finally up through her cleavage.

"Hello~" said a familiar little one-eyed demon in a sugary voice as she popped out from between her breasts.

"Niffty!" Vaggie exclaimed, sounding understandably pissed. "Get the fuck off me!"

"Okay~" the little maniac singsonged before leaping out of Vaggie's cleavage, snatching her phone and landing on the ground several feet in front of her. "Hello~ Mr. Lucifer, Sir?"

"No, Niffty, for the love of God…" Vaggie said, frantically trying to warn her former coworker.

But alas, it was already too late.

"Yeah, that's me. Who the fuck are you?" Lucifer replied, sounding only slightly annoyed by the intrusion.

"Sir, my name is Niffty and I work as a maid in your Daughter's hotel." The little maniac explained politely. "I'm very sorry for eavesdropping on this private conversation that you had very loudly for some reason, but I think I can help you with your problem. I know how we can get Ms. Vaggie and Ms. Charlie back together."

'Oh Lord.' Vaggie thought in fearful exasperation.

"Okay, uh… Niffty, was it? I'll bite. What is your 'brilliant' plan?" Lucifer asked derisively.

"Well Sir, and this is just based off my own observations, so feel free to take it with a grain of salt, but I think the main reason your daughter is so drawn to Ms. Marceline is because she can fulfill certain needs that Ms. Vaggie can't."

"And what the fuck does that mean?"

"To put it simply, Ms. Charlie is an old fashioned romantic. She goes all in for the type of courtship you see in old movies; flowers, chocolates, moonlit strolls on the beach. And with her penchant for serenading, Ms. Marceline certainly fits the bill."

"_Hmmm_… Interesting theory."

"Yes, but while she's good at being romantic, she can't really take care of your daughter, not the way Ms. Vaggie can. But if Ms. Vaggie were as romantic as Ms. Marceline, then Ms. Charlie would run back to her in a heartbeat."

"I.. suppose that makes sense. Only one problem, Vaggie can't sing for shit."

"Oh, there's all kinds of ways to be romantic. And I should know, I've read every romance novel ever made, and I've written over eight hundred fanfictions. I'm basically a romance expert, so I'd be more than happy to teach Ms. Vaggie how to pitch woo so she can win Ms. Charlie back."

'That is the stupidest idea I've ever heard.' Vaggie thought annoyedly. 'There's no way Lucifer will go for this.'

"I like it!" the King of Hell proclaimed, causing Vaggie to deadpan. "It's daring, it's classic and it's just bat shit crazy enough to work. But one question, why are you so eager to help?"

"Oh golly, it's nothing all that complicated. I just think Ms. Charlie and Ms. Vaggie belong together. They're just the cutest couple in all of Hell~" Niffty explained elatedly. "Also, Ms. Marceline tricked me into kidnapping Ms. Vaggie so she could put the moves on your daughter **_and I don't like being used!_**"

"_AH-HA-HA-HA-HA_! I love it! I love this energy!" Lucifer proclaimed amusedly. "Okay, Niffty, you've convinced me. From now on, you're Vaggie's personal romance coach."

"Really? Oh Golly, that's just swell! I promise I won't let you down, Sir."

"I'm sure you won't. Now please, be a lamb and hand Vaggie back her phone."

"Righty-O~" Niffty singsonged as she returned said phone to its rightful owner.

"Good, now Vaggie, take us off Speaker. This next part is just for you."

Not wanting to anger him any further, Vaggie did as instructed and then put the device to her ear.

"Are we off Speaker?"

"Yes, Apple Daddy. It's just us now."

"Good. Now pay attention. I'm giving you this chance to fix your little fuck up because I like you, and because I truly believe there is no one else in the universe fit to marry my daughter. But don't take my mercy for granted. Lilith and I are extremely unhappy with Charlie being away from home for so long. And since that was partly your fault too, you're gonna help us fix it."

"What do you mean?"

"You're going to learn from Niffty. You're going to absorb everything you can to become a master of romance. And once you've gotten Charlie to take you back, you're going to use those same skills to convince her to give up this silly Redemption Project and come home."

"I… I'm not sure I can do that."

"You can, you will, and you're on a deadline. Lilith wants Charlie back before the next Cleansing."

"But that's only four months away!"

"I know. So you'd better not waste any time. Because if you two aren't in love and in my palace by the time the Exterminators show up, I will personally make sure you never come within a thousand miles of Charlie ever again. Do you understand me?"

"But that's not fair!"

"**_DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME, LITTLE SISTER?_**"

"Y-Y-Y-Yes, Apple Daddy. I-I understand."

"Good. I'll be in touch."

And with that, the Dark King hung up.

Leaving Vaggie to feel as though she were a field mouse in the jaws of a Bengal Tiger.

**End Notes: **

Editing this chapter took surprisingly less time than I thought it would.

Anyway, thanks for reading and I'll see you in the next one.

Peace.


	13. Ch13: That's Why I'm the King

This chapter marks the official halfway point of the story Milestone! Anyway, Adventure Time is the property of Cartoon Network and Hazbin Hotel is the creation of Vivienne M. Medrano aka Vivziepop. With that said, Enjoy.

Chapter 13: That's Why I'm the King

High above the city in his Palace of Light, Lucifer Morningstar Magne, the Supreme Ruler of Hell and Grandmaster of the Fallen Angels, fumed furiously in his favorite armchair.

It had been nearly two weeks since his Daughter's hasty and ill-conceived breakup with her ideal mate was made public by a certain media whore, and his mood had still not improved. And how could it? Charlie was throwing her life away, Lilith wasn't speaking to him, and all his plans for the future were going up in smoke. If it were physically possible, he'd have developed a stomach ulcer by now. And all because of one little bat demon.

Marceline.

_Marceline._

_**Marceline!**_

Just the sound of her name made his blood boil.

Oh, the hours he'd sat in that armchair, devising the perfect revenge for that intrusive little slut. Erasure at the hands of his Brothers in Heaven was far too lenient. No, she was going to suffer; long and hard. At least until the sun exploded.

But before he could indulge in such frivolity, he first had to get his Daughter back together with Vaggie, which brings us to our current situation.

The Dark King was, as previously mentioned, sitting in his favorite armchair in a secluded parlor in the south wing of the Palace; fuming like a dragon. His right hand man and favorite brother, Samael, had just returned from an intel gathering mission in the archives and the results were… less than satisfactory.

"Nothing?" he said with controlled frustration. "What do you mean _nothing_?"

"I mean, Brother, that there is no file on this Marceline person down in archives." Sammy replied, maintaining his usual monotone.

"How can she not have a file? Everyone has a file. That's how it works."

"In theory, yes, but more people are arriving in Hell these days than our antiquated system can keep up with. So, every now and then, someone slips through the cracks."

"And why the fuck haven't we upgraded?"

"Well, we were going to back in the early 1990s, but you said it would be funnier to keep the old system so the imps down in archives had to work twice as hard."

"Oh… right… it's all coming back to me now." Lucifer said with more than a little embarrassment. "Shit. Well what are we gonna do now?"

"There are more ways than one to gather intel, Brother." Samael replied calmly. "We could just pound the pavement and ask around. Roughly half of everyone who dies ends up down here, odds are someone knows something about her. It could at least give us a head start."

"Perhaps… but you and I are a bit too… conspicuous. Same goes for all our Brothers and Sisters. All of Hell fears us, as it should be, but that fear makes it difficult to extract information from the lesser beings. Anyone who sees us will flee on sight and even if we catch them, they'll say anything to avoid our wrath, and information extracted under duress is selfdom reliable."

"We could go in disguise." Samael suggested.

"Hmm… maybe. But without knowing where to start, it could take years to ferret out any useful intel and we just don't have the time."

"Then what shall we do, Brother?"

"I'm not sure. I need… I need to clear my head." Lucifer replied, as a perverse thought entered his brain, causing a devilish smile to spread across his lips. "Let's go play with the bug again."

XXX

The walk from the south wing to the dungeon took about eleven minutes and was so uneventful that usually it wouldn't even be worth mentioning, but for the sake of this story I'll pick things up just a few minutes before the two Fallen Angels arrived at their destination.

"I honestly don't see what the big deal is." Samael said in his signature monotone. "All couples fight from time to time. It doesn't necessarily mean they're going to breakup. And surely our Sister can win Miss Charlotte back on her own. Afterall, she is one of us. The first new addition to our kind in over a century. And this Marceline… well… she's just a nobody."

"Yes, but she's a nobody with tight pants and a guitar. And Charlie isn't known for making smart decisions." Lucifer replied gruffly. "I'm not saying I don't trust Vaggie to do what needs to be done, but that won't mean shit if Charlie is her usual obstinate self and rejects her for some smooth-talking street performer. We need something to tip the scale in our favor. Something that will make this Marceline bitch seem less attractive. For fuck's sake, she must've done something to end up down here."

"Perhaps you'll find an answer after a bit of frivolity." His Brother said supportively. "And speaking of which, we've arrived."

And sure enough, it was true. Before them was a massive door of solid adamantine; a metal so strong it was impervious to all but the Almighty Father himself. With a simple wave of the Dark King's hand, the inner mechanisms were activated and the door swung open; revealing a large mostly empty room which housed a lone figured chained to a chair.

Said figure was battered, bruised and bloody, with a swollen left eye, three missing teeth and six fewer fingernails than she had at the start, but still recognizable to any denizen of Hell as the now former anchor of Channel 666 News, Katie Killjoy.

"Oh, it's you two." The insectoid demon said, sounding just as 'pleasant' as ever. "So, what's it gonna be this time? Bamboo under my nails? Rusty screws in my teeth? Oh, I know, how about you shove a plumber's snake up my ass? That might be fun."

"_Heh-Heh. _Still as charming as ever." Lucifer said facetiously as he and Samael entered the room. "Though I must confess, I'm surprised you can keep such a cheerful demeanor, given your circumstances."

"_I must confess-blah-blah-blah~_" Katie replied mockingly. "Will you cut the bullshit already, you pretentious prick. There's nobody else here. You're not impressing anyone."

"Oh, you don't want me to put on airs? Fine. But before we start, answer me one thing. What the fuck were you thinking? I mean seriously, what was going through your bloated, glorified monkey brain when you decided to put my Daughter's breakup on your stupid news show, after I specifically told you to lay off? Did you really think there wouldn't be any consequences? Did you really think I would just sit back and take it like one of those girls you bullied into suicide in high school?"

"Fuck you! And also, how the shit do you know about that?"

"I know everything about you, Katie Scarlet. It's one of the benefits of being me." The Dark King said condescendingly, before pulling a small manilla folder from seemingly out of nowhere and opening it up to read. "Name: Katherine Scarlet Calhoun. Born in Miami, Florida on May 2, 1954. Half Swedish, Quarter Polish, Quarter Comanche. Not that you'd ever admit to any of that. From middle school all the way through college, you drove twenty people to commit suicide with your relentless bullying, including your home economics teacher and three Hispanic janitors. And you added eleven more to that list during your ten years as a local news anchor, including two priests and the manager of a soup kitchen, all of whom you falsely accused of being either drug dealers or pederasts. And your sex and drug related sins are so numerous they're not even worth mentioning. So just to summarize, you are an absolute piece of shit and it baffles my mind that both my Father and my Daughter think your existence is worth anything."

"Oh, don't act all high and mighty. You're down here too, dipshit. Just because you used to be Daddy's favorite, doesn't mean you're not a total fuck up."

"I'm down here because I'm a dutiful son who tried to spare his Father the pain of having to flush another one of his pet projects down the drain by pulling the plug myself. It's not my fault he didn't appreciate the gesture. And what the shit do you know about anything? You died because of a botched facelift. You have no idea what it's like to serve the Almighty and be a part of something much greater than yourself."

"So the great and powerful Satan is all butthurt because he doesn't get to suck God's dick anymore. Jesus Christ, you're an even bigger loser than your daughter."

"My Daughter might be naïve in many respects, but she's right about one thing. Inside every demon is a fragment of my Father's grace; a rainbow, if you will. And that's the part I'm gonna use to make the rest of your existence a living nightmare."

"What are you gonna do? Sing me a song?"

"You wish, bitch."

And with that, Lucifer raised his right hand, extended his index finger and began to draw a large circle in the air. At first the action seemed pointless, but when he connected the two points together, a circular, mirrorlike screen suddenly materialized. And in that mirror, the image of a man in a business suit sitting on a barstool appeared in relatively high definition.

"What the… is that… Carl?" Katie asked before bursting out in mocking laughter. "My dipshit ex-husband? That's it? That's your insidious plot to torture me? To make me watch that dumbass kill off whatever's left of his liver? I don't give a fuck about that loser. I cheated on him with just about every good looking guy in Miami. You can slit his throat for all I care."

Now it was Lucifer's turn to laugh.

"What's so funny?" the insectoid asked confusedly.

"Oh, nothing. It just never ceases to amuse me how easily you vermin lose track of time." The Dark King said amusedly. "That's not your husband, genius. That's your son."

And just like that, what little color she had drained from Katie's face.

"D-D-Danny?" she said aloud in a voice that was much different than her usual callous bravado; so much softer and full of fear.

"That's right. Little Danny Calhoun, all grown up." Lucifer said condescendingly as he thumbed through Katie's file. "_Aw_~ Here's a picture of him taking his first steps. Look how proud you are. Oh, and here you are dropping him off on his first day of school. _Aw_~ He's crying. _Aw_~ So are you. And here you are kissing his widdle owie after he scrapped his knee. Oh, I'm getting diabetes just looking at it. Hard to believe that such a loathsome, wretched person could also be such a loving and devoted mother. But then you humans have always been so contradictory."

"Please, do whatever you want to me, just don't hurt my baby."

"_You're_ baby?" the Dark King repeated, sounding insulted. "What about _my_ baby? Or better yet, what about all the people you bullied into killing themselves? They were all someone's baby too, you know. Where was this compassion when you were ruining people's lives for fun and profit? Where was it when you told the whole school that Becky Tannen's mom worked in a strip club? Or when you spearheaded that vicious smear campaign against Father Jefferson all for the sake of ratings? Why can you only show genuine love and kindness to your own child?"

"I… I don't know." She answered meekly.

"Exactly. Because people like you are the reason your species is a failure and why trying to reform you worthless, self-serving cockroaches is a waste of time!" Lucifer paused for a moment to calm himself down before he continued. "But let's get back on topic. The last time you saw your son he was only eight years old. Since then, Little Danny's grown up to become a very successful stock broker. Bit of a nerd honestly. Super straight-laced. Except for an obvious weakness for the sauce, which I presume he inherited from his dad. Ordinarily, someone like him would be resistant to my influence, but when he's this drunk and his defenses are down, well… just watch."

And with that, the Dark King stuck his finger into the mirror; making it turn a dark purplish color.

"_That's enough for tonight, chief. You've got a busy day tomorrow. Better head home and get some sleep_." Lucifer whispered creepily; causing the man on the screen to get up from his stool. "_It's all good, baby. You only had five beers. You can make it home on your own. It's only twelve blocks. You can make that with your eyes closed. Hell, why not give it a try?_"

"Please! I'll do whatever you want! Just leave Danny alone!"

Upon hearing this, Lucifer removed his finger from the mirror and scowled.

"I only wanted you to do one thing; to leave my Daughter alone. But you didn't! You just kept right on stalking her. And then you took what should've been a private moment and turned it into a fucking media circus! I hope those precious ratings were worth watching Little Danny get his carcass scraped off the road like a flattened armadillo!"

"No! Please! I wasn't even following your daughter! I was following Marceline!"

Now that had caught Lucifer off-guard; especially since she was, or at least believed she was, telling the truth.

"You… were following Marceline?" he repeated confusedly. "Why?"

"I… I've been keeping tabs on her for months. Ever since she first arrived in Hell. I saw her take down the 6th Street Wine-Os like they were nothing, so I thought she might have what it takes to become the next Overlord. So instead of turning in the footage right away, I thought I'd shadow her for a while. You know, document her rise to power. But it turns out she's just a lovesick idiot."

"She was powerful enough to defeat a Pit Lord and his entire gang?" Lucifer asked in disbelief. And rightfully so, hardly any demon's ever been that strong so soon after dying. "What makes you think she'd just arrived?"

"I talked to her and she had no idea who I was. My face is all over town, so even if she'd been living on the streets without a phone, she'd 've at least recognized me."

"I see… and what did you talk about?"

"Nothing much. She just wanted to know where your daughter lived."

"What?"

"I said…."

"I heard what you said, but it makes no sense. How could someone who just died know about my Daughter? No one in the Living World even knows she exists."

"Well somehow she knew. She ever asked for her by name."

Now this was an unexpected development, but it gave the Dark King one hell of an idea.

Quickly, he turned around to his View Screen and saw that the drunken broker was still fumbling around with his keys. So he plunged his finger back into the portal and said,

"_Fuck it. Just call an Uber_."

And the man immediately pulled out his phone.

With that disaster averted, Lucifer then waved his hand across the screen, causing it to dissipate.

"Why on Earth did you do that?" Samael asked confusedly.

"Because the situation has changed." He replied to his brother before turning back to his captive. "Oh Ms. Killjoy~ I've decided to give your son a stay of execution. How long that lasts depends on you."

"I don't understand."

"To put it simply, Ms. Killjoy, I need dirt. On Marceline. Something that will turn my Daughter's stomach and set her back on the right path. And since you've got the skills and a head start, you're going to help me."

"I am?"

"That's right. Find me something I can use before the next Cleansing and I'll let you and your son off the hook. Fail me, and I'll make Danny Boy slit his own throat. And I'll make you watch. _**Forever**_. Do you understand me?"

"Y-Y-Y-Yes Sir."

"Good." The Dark King said maliciously as he placed a hand on Katie's shoulder; grinning from ear to ear. "And now that we've established who's in charge, _**get to work!**_"

**End Notes:**

BOOOM!

Halfway point of the story.

Thanks for reading and I'll see you in the next one.

Peace.


	14. Ch14: Life in the Red Light

Adventure Time is the property of Cartoon Network and Hazbin Hotel is the creation of Vivienne M. Medrano aka Vivziepop. With that said, Enjoy.

Chapter 14: Life in the Red Light

Although she was currently in the depths of Hell, Marceline felt like she was in Heaven. The last few weeks had been some of the best of her entire life; all 1000+ years of it. Ever since Charlie kicked Vaggie to the curb, she'd been sticking to her like glue. At first the Vampire Queen was just a sympathetic ear and a shoulder to cry on, but in time she became much more to the Demon Princess. They spent almost every hour of the day together. Group Sessions, Private Sessions, Jam Sessions, sometimes even helping her balance the books on the Hotel; although math was never her strong suit, so Baxter usually had to check their work.

And the best part was, there was no guilt. Marceline hadn't done anything sneaky or dishonest to get this. Vaggie had screwed herself. She was free and clear. So there was absolutely no reason at all for her to feel guilty about any of this.

Nope.

No reason at all.

"Marcy?"

"No I didn't!" the Vampire Queen blurted out suddenly, before remembering where she was and who she was with. "Oh, uh… sorry, Charlie. My mind was somewhere else. You were saying?"

"I was saying that I really appreciate everything you've been doing these last few weeks." The Demon Princess said as they continued their leisurely stroll down one of the Hotel's many hallways. "To be honest, after I fired Vaggie, a part of me was worried I was making a huge mistake. We'd been together for so long that I was beginning to think I couldn't do anything without her; let alone run this Hotel. But you've just been so supportive throughout this whole ordeal, I… I don't know what I'd do without you. Thank you so much."

"No problem." Marceline replied, blushing a little at the compliment. "Listen, I know this is kinda personal, so feel free not to answer if you don't want to. But… since you mentioned her, how are things between you and Vaggie? I mean, have you given any thought to, you know, getting back together?"

"_Sigh_. To tell you the truth I'm not sure." The Demon Princess admitted somberly. "I was so mad at her at first that I never wanted to see her again. But then when I saw her crying and stuffing herself I just felt so bad for her. But now that I know she doesn't really believe in my Redemption Plan, it makes me wonder what else she's been lying to me about. I just… I don't know what to think anymore. It's just so weird not having her around."

"What are you talking about?"

"I just meant it feels so strange not having Vaggie here, ever since she moved out."

"Uh… Vaggie didn't move out. She moved in with Niffty." The Vampire Queen explained, genuinely surprised that Charlie didn't already know this.

"What? No, that can't be right. I would've seen… Vaggie would've at least tried to… She and Niffty aren't even… Why would she move in with Niffty?"

"I don't know, but it's been going on for weeks now. And ever since they moved in together, I haven't heard Vaggie cry once. In fact, I've heard them both laughing a couple of times. Seems like they're getting pretty close, if you know what I mean."

"Oh… I see…" Charlie replied somberly before forcing herself to smile. "Well… good for them."

And with that, the Demon Princess turned away from Marceline and started walking down the hall in the opposite direct.

"Is something wrong?" the Vampire Queen asked concernedly.

"No, it's… it's nothing. I just… need to be alone for a little bit."

"Oh, well… okay. Sure, you do whatever you want. So, I guess we'll hang out later then?"

"Yeah… later."

And before Marceline could say another word, she was gone.

Okay, so that hadn't gone exactly as planned. Bumming Charlie out was pretty much the opposite of what she was trying to do. But no matter. Her pretty, pretty princess wouldn't even remember Vaggie's name once she enacted her cleverest and most romantic plan to date. Soon Charlie would be all hers and they would be that much closer to leaving this God forsaken pit forever.

But as she floated down the hall, snickering about her impending triumph, a familiar figure blocked her path. It was Crymini, with her arms crossed and a disapproving scowl on her face.

"Can I help you?"

"You disgust me." The Irish Hellhound said bluntly.

"What?"

"Don't you 'what' me. I heard the whole thing. You're trying to trick Charlie into falling in love with you."

"No I'm not!" Marceline said defensively.

"Then why did you just lie to her about Vaggie?"

"Hey, everything I said was true! She did move in with Niffty and I really did hear them laugh a couple times."

"Yeah, but the way you told it, you made it sound like they were falling in love."

"Do you know for sure that they aren't?"

"You make me sick. I can't even look at you right now."

"Hey, I'm just trying to help Charlie get over her breakup. And if she just happens to fall in love with me in the process, then that's her decision." The Vampire Queen rationalized. "And anyway, where the fuck do you get off trying to highroad me? You once broke a guy's kneecaps because you didn't like his tie."

"At least I didn't destroy his relationship."

"You don't know that!"

"Look, all I'm saying is that if you stopped to think about it, you'd realize that what you're doing to Charlie is no better than what that Ash bloke once tried to do to you."

Suddenly, Marceline's blood began to boil.

"That is completely different!" she yelled defensively.

"How? You're trying to make her think what you want her to. So if it's not exactly the same, it's pretty damn close and it makes me sick."

"You know what. Fuck you. You don't know anything about anything. You're just a stupid, messed up kid. I didn't make Charlie kick Vaggie to the curb. I didn't make her come to me for comfort. I haven't done anything wrong, so just back off!"

But the Irish Hellhound was not fazed by her shouting. So instead of retaliating, she just shrugged and said,

"Whatever you say, Svengali."

And with that, she left Marceline to fume in solitude.

And fume she did. How dare that little brat compare her to a weenis like Ash. She was nothing like that vain, lying, selfish prick. Sure, she was technically lying to Charlie to get her to fall in love with her, but it was more for her benefit than her own. Once they were both in love, she could whisk the Demon Princess far away from this horrible place. To the Land of Ooo, where there was sunshine, flowers and loads of friendly people. Yes Sir, Marceline was definitely the hero of this story.

Definitely.

Just then, a familiar snicker caught her ear. As expected, it was Angel Dust, who strolled up beside her from seemingly out of nowhere.

"Nice performance." The spider demon said amusedly. "But what do you do for an encore?"

"Go away, Angel. I'm not in the mood." The Vampire Queen said gruffly before attempting to turn away, only for the porn star to pop up right in front of her.

"Hey, what's with all the hostility? I'm on your side, baby."

"Yeah right."

"No, I'm serious. Honest Injun. I think you and Charlie are made for each other and I wanna help make it happen."

"You wanna help me win Charlie's heart?" Marceline asked suspiciously. "Why?"

"Because I'm a sucker for romance."

"No seriously, why do you wanna help?"

"_Ugh_. Fine. It's my day off, I'm out of drugs and I'm bored as shit. So do you want my help or not?"

Naturally, the Vampire Queen was dubious of Angel's sudden interest in her quest for true love. He was, after all, a notorious troublemaker. But on the other hand, there was a slight hiccup with her cleverest, most romantic plan to date, and the spider demon was in a unique position to help her.

"Well… I just wrote a new song for Charlie, and I was hoping to make it into a music video. Know where I can get a camera?"

"Sure, I got a spare one down at the office. Just give me a ride and we can pick it up before lunch." Angel Dust replied casually. "You can fly, right?"

XXX

The headquarters of the aptly named Porn Studios was in the heart of Hell's Red Light District.

But how, you ask, as well you should, can one tell the difference between the Red Light District and the rest of this Inferno of Suffering? Well, the answer is actually quite simple.

In the Red Light District, the rent is much higher.

Which made sense, at least to Marceline, as she and Angel exited the elevator onto the 23rd Floor.

When you hear a name like 'Porn Studios', you get these pictures in your head of seedy motel rooms and dark, dingy basements hastily transformed into sets for malnourished smack addicts to fornicate upon in front of an old camcorder. However, the genuine article was much more upscale. The outside resembled some sort of vintage Las Vegas hotel, albeit a tastelessly decorated one, while the interior was setup like a legitimate movie studio.

The ground floor was setup like the lobby of an ordinary office building and it seemed to serve no other purpose than to allow visitors to buy souvenirs or ask about tours. From the directory next to the elevator, Marceline learned that the next seven floors were designated as 'Administration and Accounting', 'Props and Costumes', 'Writing and Set Design', 'Music and Merchandise', 'Publication and Public Relations' and 'Asset Habitation Levels 1 and 2'. While all subsequent floors were listed as 'Production', with the exception of Floor 28, which was labeled 'VIP Lounge'.

As they exited the elevator, Marceline found herself in a long, neon lit hallway lined with at least a dozen steel doors. Each door had a small paper sign taped to the outside with words like 'Burning Bushes', 'Battle of the Bulge' and 'Red Hot Kaiju Love' written in black. The Vampire Queen quickly realized that these must be porno titles and that the doors much lead to soundstages where they were being filmed. This Valentino guy might've been a demonic scumbag, but he ran a pretty slick operation.

Anyway, as they reached the end of the hall, the duo entered a large, open area filled with makeup tables and changing curtains. All around them, demons of every size, shape and orientation darted about like spider monkeys on speed; swapping outfits and fixing their hair as if their lives depended on it. And considering that this was Hell, they probably did.

They had gotten about halfway through this sea of confusion when something caught Angel's eye, causing him to veer off course.

"Candy! Ginger! Snowflake!" the spider demon called out excitedly to a trio of 'actors' who had been chatting amongst themselves. "Guess who came to visit?"

"Is that Angel Dust I hear? Well I'll be dipped." Said a stout little boar demon delightedly.

"Uh-oh~ Call Chris Hansen. We got a predator in the house." Joked a tall thin deer demon.

"Say, Angel, who's the cutie pie?" asked a stork demon, the only male of the trio. "When I heard you were trying to go straight, I didn't think you meant like this."

"Nah, Nah, it ain't like that. Marcy's just a friend." Angel Dust explained casually. "Gang, this is Marcy. Marcy, this is Candy, Ginger and Snowflake. Some of the best and brightest in the business."

"Oh, go on." Said Candy the boar, feigning modesty.

"So Angie? Is your friend here for an audition?" asked Ginger the doe. "She's a little flat in the chest, but with an ass like hers, _eh_… she just might have a future in this industry."

Marceline blushed profusely at the 'compliment'.

'Why is everyone staring at my butt down here?' she asked herself internally.

"Nah, she ain't into that. She just needs a camera for a little pet project, so we're gonna borrow one from storage." Angel Dust explained.

"Yeah, well, whatever you're doing, you better make it fast. Big V's on a fucking warpath. Something's got him pissed." Warned Snowflake the stork.

"So what? He's always pissed. Everyone's pissed. We're in Hell."

"Not like this, Angel. He's torching Soul Contracts like they're going out of style. Hell, he's so ticked he might even burn yours."

"But wouldn't that be a good thing?" asked the Vampire Queen, earning some confused stares from the porn star trio. "What? If Valentino burns his contract, that means he doesn't own his soul anymore. He'd be free."

The trio continued to stare at her like she'd just drooled on herself, until Angel finally elucidated.

"She's new."

And then they immediately understood.

"Am I missing something?" Marceline asked confusedly.

"Look, Cupcake, working for Big V might not be glamourous, but it's a hell of a lot better than being a free agent. Especially this close to the next Cleansing." Candy said matter-of-factly.

"I don't understand."

"It's like this," Snowflake began. "When you sell your soul to an upper level demon like Valentino, it puts a sort of… invisible mark on you. So everyone knows who you belong to, and so that no other demons will fuck with you without getting your boss' permission."

"Okay, but what does that have to do with the Cleansing?"

"You see, the Exterminators, the Angels that come down here to do the Cleansing, they wear these creepy masks that keep them from seeing or hearing any of the demons they kill. Keeps the whole thing impersonal." The stork demon explained. "All they 'see' is a demon's aura. And when they look at a marked demon, to them it's the same as looking at an upper level demon. Get the picture?"

"Not really."

"_Oy vey_." Angel Dust groaned in exasperation. "Look, Angels don't wanna be down here anymore than we do, but they're not allowed to go home until they've culled about 45% of the population. So to get their job over with quicker, they always target the lower demons first. Imps, Hellhounds, demons like us, the kind that usually go down with one hit. But higher ups like the Overlords and the Goetic Demons, they usually avoid like the plague because they take too much effort. You know, unless one of them does something stupid to piss them off. So as long as you're marked, you'll look like an upper level demon to them and they'll leave you alone. Get it now?"

"Yeah, I get it." Marceline replied, somewhat sullenly. "So you have to choose between slaving away for some abusive dickhead or getting erased from existence? That's so unfair."

"If life were ever gonna start being fair, it wouldn't start in Hell." Ginger postulated.

"Ah, it ain't so bad down here." Angel asserted confidently. "Sure, the air stinks and the sky looks like blood, but at least you know who your friends are. Heaven for climate, Hell for company. _Heh-Heh_. That's Shakespeare, by the way. Who says I ain't cultured."

"Just everyone who knows you." Said a new voice with dry condescension. "And that quote was from Mark Twain, not Shakespeare. Not that I'd expect a cretin like you to know the difference."

Moments later, the owner of said voice walked into the picture, revealing himself to be a tall, lanky peacock demon dressed like an extra from Rocky Horror.

"Oh, Hello Dalton." The spider demon said dryly. "I thought I smelled mediocrity."

"So, the old man decides to grace us with his presence today? How charming." Dalton replied, clearly unfazed by Angel's jab. "And what's this? Touring the straight scene for a change? Finally expanding your repertoire? About damn time."

"We're just friends. We're not sleeping together." The Vampire Queen asserted before mentally adding, 'There's not enough money or penicillin in the world.'

"A wise decision." The peacock demon replied amusedly. "Because in spite of the hype, the old man over there is just a one trick pony. Whereas I've been playing for both teams since Oswald was framed. Let me know if you're ever in the mood for a real virtuoso."

Marceline silently repeated her last thought.

"Buzz off, Dalton." Angel Dust spoke up annoyedly. "Don't you have an S&M flic to half-ass?"

"Go ahead. Make your little jokes." Dalton replied before getting all up in the spider demon's face. "But we both know it's just a cover. We both know that your days around here are numbered."

"You don't know jack shit."

"I know that you're losing your edge. Hell, you've been relying on the same old moves for the last two decades, and the fans are starting to notice it too. Face it, Grandpa, you've run out of steam. No wonder everyone laughs at you."

"Nobody laughs at me!"

"Oh yes they do. They laugh at you. They laugh at your moves. They laugh at that stupid, Al Capone, Bugs Bunny way you talk. You're nothing but a tired old joke."

For reasons even she didn't fully understand, Marceline did not like the way this Dalton guy was talking to Angel Dust. So without even thinking, she grabbed a handful of the peacock demon's tailfeathers and yanked them out as hard as she could; ripping off a fair bit of flesh in the process.

Almost instantly, Dalton let out a loud, girlish shriek as he grabbed hold of his injured ass and bolted out of the room in tears. Naturally, everyone had themselves a good laugh at his expense, including the Vampire Queen herself, who felt strangely proud of herself for standing up for her 'friend'.

"Nice work, toots." The spider demon said gratefully as he placed an arm around her shoulder. "No let's go get that camera."

**End Notes:**

Thanks for reading. See you in the next one.

Peace.


	15. Ch15: Old Devil Consequence

I have no doubt in my mind that this chapter piss some people off, but I'm prepared to take that chance for the sake of my story. With that said, Adventure Time is the property of Cartoon Network and Hazbin Hotel is the creation of Vivienne M. Medrano aka Vivziepop. Enjoy.

Chapter 15: Old Devil Consequence

In the far left corner of Porn Studios' 23rd Floor, there sits a mostly forgotten room jokingly referred to as 'The Morgue'. Despite the grim name, it was little more than just a storage room for used but still usable materials, such as old sets, props, costumes and even outdated video equipment. And it was for the latter of these that our two intrepid 'heroes' had stopped by.

"Found it!" Angel Dust declared triumphantly as he emerged from the dark and dusty room; holding his find aloft like a trophy.

"That's it?" Marceline responded; visibly disillusioned by the size and relatively cheap design of their prize. "We came all this way for some junky old camcorder?"

"Well what were you expecting? One of those billion dollar HD movie cameras? Use your head, toots. We can't just walk out the front door with one of those. They're too big."

"Alright, alright, I see your point. I guess it doesn't matter as long as it works. But why does your boss even have this when he's got all those fancy new cameras?"

"Because in addition to his jillion other sins, Big V's also a major pack rat. Now come on, let's get outta here. I wanna grab a bite on our way home."

And with that, the duo began to make their way back to the elevator.

They were about halfway down the hall that led back to the changing area when a mysterious voice sudden spoke up.

"Gee, I hope that asshole Valentino doesn't catch us stealing from him."

"Don't worry about it, babe." The spider demon said to his companion reassuringly. "I pull shit like this all the time and Big V never notices. Trust me, we're gonna be fine."

"Uh… Angel." Said Marceline nervously.

"What?"

"I didn't say that."

It was at this moment that the duo finally noticed the large shadow looming over them. They quickly spun around and, to their mutual shock and horror, they saw to whom it belonged.

He, for there was no doubt in the Vampire Queen's mind that it was a he, was a tall, thin insect-like demon; at least two or three times her own height. He had dark blue skin and blazing red eyes hidden behind rose colored shades with heart shaped frames. He wore a dark red top hat with a strange looking feather and a matching coat with white fur around the collar. But by far his most striking feature, at least from Marceline's perspective, was his wide, crooked smile; each tooth like a tiny spear made of ivory, except for one which was made of gold.

Based on the intense aura he was giving off and how much Angel was sweating, it was painfully obvious who this must be.

The self-proclaimed Prince of Vice himself.

Valentino.

"Angel Cakes~" the insect man said in a voice both melodious and malevolent.

"Big V! Hey, how's it going?" the spider demon asked, clearly trying to play this off as no big thing. "Listen, I know how this looks, but trust me…"

Valentino help up a single finger, which Angel took as a cue to stop talking.

"Let me see if I understand this." The crimson pimp said, still sounding calm and collected. "I suppose you think disrespecting me is okay for you, Angel Baby? That you can just waltz right in here and take whatever you want, whenever you feel like it?"

"Well, it's a funny story actually…"

But Valentino just raised his finger again, signaling him to shut up.

"I gotta say, Angel. I really underestimated you." He said, still using that unnervingly calm tone. "All this time, I thought you were just a stupid, spoiled little whore. It didn't think, not for one second, that you had the balls, the _**fucking arrogance**_, to steal from me. I tell you, it just… it just blows my mind. No joke."

"So… does that mean I'm not in trouble?"

"What do you think, baby?"

"Uh… I think… I think you need some time to cool off. So I'm just gonna leave the camera here and we can discuss this when it's not my day off."

"Mind running that last part by me again?"

"I… I said I'm gonna leave the camera…"

"Not that! The other thing. What do you mean by 'day off'?"

"You know, I get Tuesdays and Thursdays off. It's in my contract."

"It's Friday, dipshit."

"Eh… say what now?"

"I said, it's Friday. As in the day _after_ your day off."

"Oh… shit." Said Angel Dust as he began to sweat even more profusely. "You know what, I think I know what happened. Wednesday night, I had a little too much of the Green Fairy, if you know what I mean, and it must've fucked up my internal clock. Honest mistake really. _Heh-Heh-Heh_. So, uh… do we have a shoot today?"

"No, but we had one _**three fucking hours ago!**_" the insectoid pimp exploded, before forcing himself to calm back down.

"Okay… I can see that you're pissed, and yeah, I might've fucked up on this. But I'm here now, and I'm feelin' horny as ever, so let's just jump right into it and forget the whole thing. Whaddya say, Big V?"

At first, 'Big V' said nothing. He just stared down at the smaller spider demon in annoyed disbelief. But after a few moments he let out a sigh of exasperation and began massaging his temples with his upper right thumb and index finger.

"Angel Cakes, do you know what a deadline is?"

"Yeah, it's…"

"Shut up! That was obviously rhetorical! _Sigh_. A deadline is a promise, made by me, to the consuming public, that we will have a certain product finished and on the shelves at a specific time. Now, do you know why Porn Studios is the Number 1 supplier of adult entertainment in all of Hell?"

"Was that also rhetorical?"

"_**Shut up! **_It's because unlike the rest of those hacks, we have integrity! We do not skimp on image or sound quality. We do not enhance our performers with CG. And we _**never**_ _miss deadlines_! That's why I gave your slot to Dalton."

"_What_!" Angel Dust shouted; momentarily forgetting his fear to express his outrage. "You gave my slot to Dalton? How could you do this to me? He's a hack! A punk! A poser! He can't do half the fucked up shit I can!"

"All true, baby. But at least he knows what a deadline is." Valentino replied casually. "Look, Angel, I like you. You make me laugh and you make me a shit ton of money, but business is business. And I'm not gonna lose any business just because you don't know how to look at a fucking calendar!"

"Well why didn't you just call me?"

"I did. I called you six times. I called the front desk at the Hotel. I even called the Princess' private number. Nobody answered. What the fuck is going on over there?"

Suddenly, Marceline, who had been totally silent up to this point, felt a pang of guilt in her chest. It was possible, however slightly, that some of this was her fault. Charlie's breakup with Vaggie had seriously messed the Demon Princess up, and her own attempts to win her over had kept her so distracted that she probably hadn't been checking her phone.

"So… what? Does this mean I have to move back into the studio?" asked the spider demon fearfully.

"Why? So you can give me a headache every day?" replied the crimson pimp derisively. "Oh, no, no, no, Angel Cakes. You ain't moving back in. I got something else in mind. Oh, this has been building up for a long time, baby. You're showing up late, you're scheduling public appearances without my permission, and now I find out you've been stealing from me too. And since we both know you'd just enjoy a good beating, you've forced me to get creative."

With that said, Valentino reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a blackberry. Then, after a minute or so of tapping the buttons he said,

"There, it's done."

"What did you do?" asked Angel nervously.

"I just cleared your schedule. As of this moment, you're on indefinite, unpaid sabbatical."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that you don't work until I say so. And you'd better break some records getting here when I do. Because if you're late one more time, you're outta here. And I won't just burn your soul contract. I'll force it up your dickhole, and then burn it. You got that, bitch?"

"Yes, Sir." The spider demon replied, sounding uncharacteristically meek.

"Good. Now get the fuck outta my studio." The Overlord said as he prepared to leave, only to pause briefly before adding, "And put that camera back where you found it!"

And then he turned and walked away.

Marceline still stood there in silence; the pangs in her chest growing more intense by the second. Somehow, it just tore her up inside to see Angel Dust standing there, looking so broken and defeated. For all his pettiness and lude behavior, he truly did regard himself as an artist. And now that he'd been denied a chance to perform, as well as a steady paycheck, for who knows how long, his spirit had been crushed.

Well, she wasn't just going to stand there and let him suffer.

No Sir!

She was going to make this right.

To that end, the Vampire Queen flew after Valentino until she was right in front of him.

"Wait! Mr. Valentino!" she shouted as she floated up to his eyelevel.

"Can I help you, baby?"

"Please, it's not all Angel's fault. I... I've been keeping Charlie distracted lately. That's why she didn't answer her phone. That's why he was late."

"Good to know. Now get lost." The crimson pimp answered bluntly before brushing her aside.

"But I just told you it's not all his fault. Come on, give him another chance." Marceline pleaded as she flew back in front of him.

"Bitch, I don't care who's fault it is. That dipshit's been fucking with my money and my street cred for years. And I already gave him a hundred more chances than he deserves. If I don't put my foot down now, the other Overlords 'll think I've gone soft. So unless you're an Overlord, a Fallen Angel, or here for an audition, we've got nothing else to talk about. Now scram!"

And with that, he pushed her aside again.

Not one to be easily deterred, the Vampire Queen gave it one more try.

"Angel is one of your best performers. If you phase him out like this, his fans will riot. You'll lose money."

"I'll take that chance." Valentino said nonchalantly.

"Look! I told you it wasn't his fault! So just forgive him already and quit being such an asshole!" she shouted most passionately.

But alas, this only served to annoy the Overlord even further.

"Look, baby. I was happy to just ignore you, you know, since I'm such a nice guy. But if you don't get outta my face, you're gonna be wearing my ostrich boot up your ass."

"Well I'm not going anywhere! So just give Angel his gigs back or I'll… I'll… I'll make you!"

"Is that right?" Valentino asked, forcing himself not to laugh uncontrollably. "And how you gonna do that?"

"Like this!"

Acting purely on instinct and adrenaline, Marceline summoned every ounce of her shapeshifting abilities to transform herself into a nightmarish demon form that dwarfed even Valentino's impressive stature. Horns like a ram, teeth like a wolf, wings like a bat, eyes like fiery embers, claws that could tear trough steel, and muscles that could barely be contained within the relatively tiny hallway.

Yes, the Vampire Queen was truly a horrific sight.

And yet for some reason, the Overlord still looked unimpressed.

"You're just set on doing this, aren't you?" he asked, sounding almost bored.

"_**Yes I am!**_" the monster Marcy roared back in intimidation.

"Alright, have it your way." Valentino replied casually as he began to take off his coat.

And just like that, Marceline knew she'd made a huge mistake.

All of a sudden, she was struck by an immense pressure; one that seemed to have compressed her body to less than half its original size. However, the Vampire Queen soon realized that she hadn't shrunk, but the hallway had grown. All around her, space was warped and distorted; expanding the walls and ceiling well beyond their normal limits in order to accommodate the Overlord's true demon form.

Without his coat and hat to conceal it, Valentino's nude body was on full display. It was a nightmarish amalgamation of at least a hundred insect-like heads with sharp teeth and lolling tongues, and over a dozen multijointed insectoid limbs that ended in long, mantis-like talons, suspended in midair by an enormous pair of snowy white moth wings decorated with blood red hearts.

And as she starred up at this hecatoncheirian horror, a single thought ran through Marceline's head.

'Oh Shit… I might've fucked up on this one.'

XXX

Forty-five minutes later, the side door on Porn Studios' ground floor suddenly flew open and two human sized masses were flung out of it like a couple of garbage bags. One, appropriately enough, landed in a nearby dumpster, while the second collided with the adjacent brick wall and fell to the ground in a groaning heap.

This second mass was, of course, Marceline.

As she laid there, flesh bruised, bones broken and insides bleeding, she pondered how she could have allowed herself to get in such a state. How could she, one of the most powerful and dangerous dark entities in all of Ooo, have been defeated so effortlessly by a mere skin flick hawker?

Just then, she noticed that her sun hat was lying just a few feet in front of her, but when she tried to reach for it, a familiar ostrich boot stomped it into a pile of broken straw. Unsurprisingly, it was Valentino, back in his default form and chuckling maliciously at her suffering. And to add even more insult to injury, he had her beloved bass in his long creepy hands.

As if on a whim, the insectoid Overlord started to strum a slow but jazzy tune on the guitar. And then, believe it or not, he began to sing.

_Life's full of consequence~_

_That old devil consequence~ _

_He takes all the frivols outta fun~ _

_When you got the candle lit~_

_At both ends, the scandal it~_

_Creates oughta keep you on the run~_

_Just when you're weakenin'~ _

_Christ sends the deacon in~ _

_Crash! Now your soul ain't worth an ounce~ _

_Cuz then comes the consequence~_

_That old devil consequence~ _

_Flings you back with a bounce~_

For some reason, the crimson pimp chose to punctuate that last line by kicking the Vampire Queen hard in the stomach.

_It's consequences what counts~_

With his song completed, Valentino burst out into a fit of raucous laughter, which lasted for several minutes until he apparently got bored and smashed her beloved bass against the ground; shattering the ax blade into a million pieces and then tossing the now useless neck into the dumpster.

"Not bad, huh baby? _Heh-Heh_. And Alastor thinks he's all that." The Prince of Vice said amusedly. "What? Did you think the Princess was the only one who likes musicals down here? Bitch, I've seen 'Cabin in the Sky' fifty-two times."

Marceline didn't reply. Instead she just glared up at the Overlord's smug, shit-eating grin.

"Oh, I know that look. You're wondering how I whooped your ass so easily. Well, baby, I'm gonna tell you. It's because you ain't in my league. Oh sure, you're stronger than most, I'll give you that. And you might've been the baddest bitch in your own neighborhood, but you're in Hell now. You're in the big leagues. And down here, you ain't nothin' but chum for the sharks. Remember that, and you just might survive."

Just then, Angel Dust regained consciousness and started looking around the alley in a daze.

"Oh, Angel Cakes. I'm sorry, I almost forgot you were there." Valentino said mockingly to the injured spider demon. "Listen, I know this goes without saying, but… you're fired."

"_What_?"

"You heard me, you're fired. F-I-R-E-D, Canned! You're more trouble than you're worth. And believe me, that's saying a lot."

"But… But we have a contract."

"Not anymore." The Overlord replied, snapping his fingers, which caused an orange aura to wash over Angel for a split second. "There, now you're a free agent, and with only three months 'til the next Cleansing too. Good luck, baby. You're gonna need it."

"But, Sir… Big V, can't we talk about…"

But alas, Valentino cut off his pleading to sing another verse from his song.

_So here comes the consequence~_

_That old devil consequence~ _

_You were warned more than twice~_

_And now you're paying the price~_

_**SLAM!**_

And just like that, they were alone in the filthy alley.

Marceline's brain struggled to comprehend everything that had happened, while every cell in her body screamed out in agony, and in the midst of this, Angel Dust had apparently managed to climb out of the dumpster.

"You okay, toots?" he asked, sounding at least marginally concerned.

"Yeah… I think so." Marceline lied to preserve her image. "Listen, I'm really sorry."

"What? About this?" the spider demon asked, gesturing to his bruised and bloody face. "_Pfft_. This is nothin'. I took worse beatings from my old man when I was twelve. Sorry about your guitar though."

"Never mind that, I can get it fixed later. What about your job?"

"It's fine, I was gonna retire soon anyway. In like… eighty years."

"But what about your protection? The Cleansing's coming soon."

"Don't worry. Big V ain't the only game in town. There's plenty of upper level demons I can sell my soul to. And until then, I've got a backup plan."

"What is it?"

"Charlie."

"What?"

"You heard me. Charlie's half angel, and angels never kill one of their own. It's one of Heaven's oldest rules, even Lucifer's too scared to break it. During the last Cleansing, the Exterminators didn't come within two miles of the Hotel. So as long as Charlie's around, we're all safe."

Oh… that's interesting.

So Charlie acts as a deterrent to keep the angels away during the Cleansing?

But wait, her deadline ends just before the Cleansing starts.

So if Marceline succeeds and convinces Charlie to come back with her to Ooo, then Angel Dust and everyone else in the Hotel will be…

'Oh my God…' the Vampire Queen thought fearfully as the blood drained from her face.

"Eh… you okay?" the spider demon asked confusedly.

"What? Oh, no… I mean yes! Everything's fine." Marceline lied as the icy hand of guilt seized her fragile heart. "Everything's just… fine."

**End Notes: **

"Life's Full of Consequences" is a song from the 1943 film "Cabin in the Sky", which is owned by MGM studios. I tweaked several of the lyrics so they'd be a bit more appropriate to the situation.

Anyway, thanks for reading and I'll see you in the next one.

Peace.


	16. Ch16: Ballad of a Fallen Angel

Before we start, I'd like to give a shoutout to the good people at Ted-Ed and Extra Credits. Their adult educational videos on YouTube were a big help to me while I was doing research for this story; this chapter in particular. Plus their just so damned entertaining. Give them a look if you've ever got the time. With that said, Adventure Time is the property of Cartoon Network and Hazbin Hotel is the creation of Vivienne M. Medrano aka Vivziepop. With that said, Enjoy.

Chapter 16: Ballad of a Fallen Angel

Around the same time that Marceline and Angel Dust were getting their clocks cleaned by Valentino, Vaggie and Niffty were in the midst of one of their 'romance lessons'.

After failing miserably at knitting and arts and crafts, learning that she was allergic to nearly every kind of flower on Earth, and narrowly avoiding another 1950s makeover, Vaggie was, understandably, starting to worry about her chances of winning Charlie back. Thankfully, her teacher, who was optimistic to the point of being certifiable, was not willing to give up so easily. To that end, the little demon decided to instruct her much taller pupil in the fine art of preparing a romantic meal.

The results, however, were… less than satisfactory.

"Okay, let's see…" Niffty said as she went over her checklist in the tiny kitchen of her surprisingly large hotel room. "Your soup was mostly water, your salad had too much dressing and not enough lettuce, your chicken was somehow burnt and frozen, and your red velvet cake… well, the less said about that the better."

"Oh, come on. I must've done something right." Vaggie said, sounding more than slightly annoyed at the whole situation.

"Well… you managed to pour the wine correctly; even though it was the wrong kind to serve with chicken." The smaller demon replied. "Honestly, I'm surprised that someone who eats as much as you doesn't know how to cook."

"Well excuse me for having an eating disorder!" the taller demon spat defensively. "And anyway, I thought you were supposed to be teaching me how to be romantic, not how to be a housewife!"

"_**HOUSEWIVES ARE ROMANTIC!**_" Niffty roared furiously, rattling all the pots and pans, before forcing herself to calm back down. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I don't know what got into me."

"It's fine. I… I'm sorry too." Vaggie replied, feeling ashamed of her own outburst. "I guess I'm just a little stressed out. We've only got three months left and I'm nowhere closer to winning Charlie back."

"It's okay, sweetie." The little one-eyed demon said sympathetically, before a manic smile threatened to split her face in half. "Oh! I know just the thing to cheer you up! Take off your clothes!"

XXX

Eleven minutes later, Vaggie was relaxing in a tub filled with aromatherapeutic bubbles. Needless to say, this was a thousand times better than what she'd thought Niffty was going to do with her, but it was still pretty weird; especially with the little maniac standing close beside her with a loofah.

"Uh… I can clean myself, you know." Vaggie said uncomfortably.

"I know that, sweetie. It's just that your back can be so hard to reach, so I thought I'd give you a hand." Niffty replied innocently.

"That's… uh… very nice of you, Niffty, but I really don't…" she began, only to look into the smaller demon's large, pleading eye and reluctantly cave in. "_Sigh_… Fine, go ahead."

"Really?"

"Yeah, but keep it above the waist, okay. And don't touch my breasts either."

"Wouldn't dream of it." Niffty said excitedly before getting right to work.

As completely batshit bizarre as this whole situation was, Vaggie had to admit that this did feel somewhat nice. In fact, it was actually quite pleasant. The smaller demon was surprisingly proficient with that loofa. It was almost like getting a massage. All the stress from the last few months just seemed to melt away.

"Oh Golly." Niffty exclaimed softly as she started to work on Vaggie's upper back. "You're carrying an awful lot of tension in these shoulders."

"Can you blame me? I mean, we've only got a few months left before I lose Charlie forever."

"Now don't think like that, dearie. Sure, things haven't gone exactly as planned, but that's no reason to give up. I'm sure we'll find some way you can win Miss Charlie back before the deadline. And by this time next year, you and your widdle poopsiekins will be married and more in love than ever~"

"My _what_?"

"You know, Miss Charlie. That's your pet name for her in one of the fanfics I wrote about you two."

"Okay, but that's not what _I_ call her. And _please_ stop writing stories about me."

"No. But then what do you call Miss Charlie to let her know how much you love her?"

"Uh… Charlie." Vaggie answered awkwardly. "I mean, sometimes I call her 'Hon', but for the most part, I'm just not into the whole lovey dovey, cutesy pet name thing."

"Oh, I see." Niffty replied, sounding mildly disappointed. "Listen, I know it might seem silly from the outside, but trust me, when you're the one doing it and it's with that one special someone, it's the most magical thing in the world. At least that's how it was with me and my husband."

"Yeah, but didn't you… you know… murder him?"

"Only because he left me no choice. _Nobody says my scalloped potatoes need salt! __**NOBODY!**_" the little manic said, once again going to the 'bad place', before quickly regaining her composure. "There we go~ Your back's all nice and clean~ Now it's time to wash your hair~"

"I can do that my…" Vaggie began, only to be cut off once again by Niffty's soulful, pleading eye. "_Ugh_! Fine! But just wash it! No styling!"

"Righty-O~" the smaller demon singsonged, before squirting a dollop of rose scented shampoo into the larger demon's damp hair and working it into a fine lather.

Once again, this was totally weird, but oddly relaxing. Niffty's tiny fingers were like magic.

"Um… Excuse me, Miss Vaggie?" the little demon asked out of the blue.

"Yeah, what is it?"

"There's something I've been meaning to ask you for a while, and since you're in a good mood, now seems like the perfect time."

"Sure, Niffty. What's on your mind?"

"Why did Mr. Lucifer call you his little sister?"

And just like that, things were awkward again.

"Oh… you, uh… you heard that, did you?"

"Well, it was kinda hard not to with the way he was screaming at you. I was gonna ask about it back then, but you seemed really upset so I didn't say anything."

"Well… thank you for that."

"You're welcome. But anyway, it just seems like a really weird thing for a person to call his daughter's girlfriend. Especially if that person is the Devil, you know, since his only brothers and sisters are all angels. And you're not an angel… are you?"

Vaggie felt a bit of unease well up in her stomach. On the one hand, this was kind of a personal matter; not something one usually discusses with, for lack of a better word, the Help. But on the other hand, it wasn't like it was a huge secret or anything. Lots of demons already knew, and Niffty was helping her out for free, so…

"_Sigh_. Yes, Niffty, I'm an angel." She replied in the least threatening tone she could manage. "But you don't need to be afraid of me. I'm not like the others."

"Oh, I'm not afraid of you, Ms. Vaggie. I was just surprised. Well, not all that surprised. I mean, I've suspected it for a while now. It's just… you don't really advertise it like the others do and I find that really weird. No offense."

"None taken. I just… Well, it's not like it's a big secret or anything. Most of the upper level demons already know. Lucifer used to love introducing me at parties as his 'favorite sister'. I just kinda… downplay it with the lesser beings. No offense."

"None taken. But why? If more demons knew what you were, they'd probably be too scared to be mean to Ms. Charlie. And you could've strong-armed a lot more demons into checking into the hotel."

"I know… but that's something Lucifer would do. I don't wanna force demons to listen to Charlie. I want her to earn their resect so they'll want to listen. I want her dreams to come true because of her. Not because everyone's afraid of me."

"I think I understand." Niffty said sweetly, before changing the subject. "But still, it must be pretty awkward, dating someone you watched grow up since she was a baby."

"Oh, I wasn't around for any of that."

"Really? I thought all Fallen Angels lived in the Royal Palace together?"

"We do, but… I'm not one of the originals. I've only been down here about… four years."

"Oh Golly… well, what happened? I mean, if it's not rude for me to ask, what did you do to get banished?"

"It's kind of a long story."

"Well, the shampoo needs to sit for a few minutes, so you might as well tell me."

"_Sigh_. Fair enough." She said, realizing that it was already too late to turn back. "You're kinda low on the totem pole down here, so you probably don't know this, but… not all angels are born that way. Some of them, like me, used to be human."

"Oh golly…" Niffty replied in hushed disbelief. "I just… I had no idea things like that could happen."

"Well, it doesn't happen very often. Before me, only nine people in all of human history had even been chosen. And none of us know why we were chosen. I mean, we weren't exactly the most virtuous people when we were alive; at least not all of us. But when God says you're worthy, it's kinda pointless to argue."

"Wowzers… so who else was chosen?"

"Well… the first was Enheduahna, she was from Mesopotamia. Then there was Nuada Silver-Hand, Siddartha Gautama, Hypatia, Vainamoinen, Ibn Battuta, Jigonhsasee, Federico da Montefeltro, Ned Kelly, and then me."

"Oh… I have no idea who any of those people are."

"I figured, but it's okay. This isn't their story, it's mine." Vaggie said good-naturedly, before moving on. "Anyway, when I was still human my name was Vivienne Guevara and I lived in the city of San Miguel in El Salvador. My family owned a small bookstore on the upper-westside of town. We never had that much money, but we got by. My father was a devout Christian, or at least he thought he was. He was the kind of guy who would go out drinking until six in the morning but still acted like he was better than most people just because he never missed Sunday Mass. You know the type."

Niffty said nothing, but nodded in agreement.

"Anyway, since I wasn't the son he always wanted, my dad barely paid any attention to me. Which suited me just fine, since it allowed me to explore my sexuality without worrying what he would think. And that's pretty much how it was until around my 19th birthday. Around that time, some rich guy, Ernesto… something or other, started hanging around the store almost every day. He owned some big textile company on the other side of town and for some reason he took a liking to me. I mean sure, I was nice to him, but I guess he mistook that for something else, because one day he asked me to marry him."

"Oh my…. What did you do?"

"Well… when I explained to Ernesto why we couldn't be together, he took it surprisingly well. But my father… he completely flipped his shit. He started screaming about how I'd 'disgraced the family' and 'offended God', but really I think he was just pissed because he wasn't gonna get to sponge off Ernesto's millions. So he threw me out, Mom said nothing, and from then on I was on my own. Typical story."

"You poor thing… then what happened?"

"Well, you probably don't know this, but street gangs are a big problem in El Salvador; especially the ones with connections to drug cartels and human traffickers. So, and don't ask me how, I joined up with this paramilitary vigilante group; mostly rogue cops and other outraged citizens. Our goal was to wipe out the gangs so that San Miguel would be a safe place to live again. Everyone else believed that our actions were justified, but I knew better. Murder is murder, no matter what the reason."

"Then why did you stay?"

"I had nowhere else to go. I couldn't go to any of my friends without outing them to their parents. And besides, I figured if God was as closedminded as my dad then I was going to Hell anyway. So why not do a little good before I get there? You can imagine my surprise when I took a bullet to the face one day and suddenly woke up in Heaven."

"Jeepers… what was it like?"

"It's… hard to explain. The more I stay down here, the more fuzzy my memories of it get. But I remember being so happy while I was up there. I had a new family. Thousands of brothers and sisters, and a Father who loved me for who I was. It was so wonderful. And yet… somehow it always felt like something was missing. I talked to some of the other angels about it and they figured that I just needed something to help me feel useful. So they made me an Exterminator."

"You were an Exterminator?"

"For a little bit, yes. During my first Cleansing my helmet fell off for some reason and I could suddenly see and hear everything around me. There was so much chaos and confusion that at first I couldn't handle the overload, so I flew up high to clear my head. That's when I heard someone singing."

"Singing? You mean…"

"That's right. It was Charlie. Up in the Palace's Butterfly Garden. Crying her eyes out and singing dirges for all the demons being erased. Obviously, I'd been told who she was, but I had no idea what to expect, so I approached cautiously. Our first meeting was… awkward, but once I convinced her that I wasn't a threat things got better. We started talking, I'm not sure for how long, felt like hours, but before I knew it we were being summoned back to Heaven and I had to say goodbye. But even when I was back in Paradise, all I could think about was her."

"So what did you do?"

"At first I tried to forget her and just enjoy being in Heaven with my new family, but it didn't work. There was no one else like her in Heaven or anywhere else, so I started sneaking down to see her, every chance I could. But eventually I got caught."

"Oh dear, what happened?"

"I was brought before God to explain myself. And when I told him how I felt about Charlie he understood, but he said I had to make a choice. I could either stay in Heaven and have my memories of Charlie erased, or I could leave forever to be with her. I guess it's pretty obvious which one I chose."

This time Niffty didn't say anything. She just stared at Vaggie with wide-eyed disbelief.

"What?"

"You… you gave up Heaven… just to be with Miss Charlie?"

"That's right. And I know it sounds insane, but despite everything that's happened I have no regrets. I spent my whole life as a cynic, and even when I made it to Heaven it always felt like something was missing. Well, Charlie was that something. With her warmth and energy, she was like the missing half of my soul. And even if some of her ideas are a little out there, when I'm with her… I don't know, she makes me want to believe in them. That things really can get better. So I guess I don't miss Heaven because… for me, being with Charlie is Heaven."

Yet again, the smaller demon said nothing, but her large, single eye started to tear up.

"What?"

"_Sniff. Sniff_. That was beautiful."

"What was?"

"That monologue, you silly goose. It was so sweet and moving. It was almost like a love poem."

Just then, Niffty's eyes went dry and her mouth stretched into an impossibly wide grin.

"O-M-Golly! That's it!"

"What's it?"

"That's how you'll win Miss Charlie back! You're going to write her a love poem!"

"Love poem? But I don't know how to do that."

"Then what was all that stuff you said before?"

"I wasn't trying to be poetic, I was just… saying how I feel."

"Exactly! You have a naturally gift for words! And if you can learn how to express yourself like that in front of Miss Charlie, then I'm sure she'd take you back."

"You really think so?"

"I know so! You just need a little polishing up, and I'm just the gal to help."

"Well… okay. Why not? Let's give it a shot."

And with that, Niffty let out a high-pitched squeal of delight and wrapped Vaggie's head in one of her inescapable hugs.

"Stop touching my face!" the fallen angel said annoyedly.

To which the smaller demon plainly replied,

"No."

**End Notes:**

So far, this was one of my favorite chapters to write. I hope you all enjoyed it.

Anyway, thanks for reading and I'll see you in the next one.

Peace.


	17. Ch17: Detective Katie takes the Case

Sorry this chapter is late. Been busy with work and other stuff. Anyway, Adventure Time is the property of Cartoon Network and Hazbin Hotel is the creation of Vivienne M. Medrano aka Vivziepop. Blah. Blah. Blah. You know the drill. Enjoy.

Chapter 17: Detective Katie takes the Case

_Journal Entry: 2814_

_Another failure. _

_After usual sources for gossip turned up jack shit, tried new approach. _

_Remembered conversation between Marceline and the Princess, referenced mother in the indy music scene. Decided to call on Raphael. Overlord. Big into all kinds of music. Especially unknown artists. Thought he might know something._

_Spoiler Alert._

_He didn't know shit either._

_Stupid parrot faggot. _

_Running out of time._

_Only three months left._

_Need new-new approach._

_First encountered Marceline in 6__th__ Street Wine-O territory._

_They might know something._

XXX

The lair of the infamous 6th Street Wine-Os was, as one might expect, totally disgusting. Garbage on the floor, dust everywhere, rusty chains hanging from the ceiling for no apparent reason; it was like one of those old abandoned warehouses that homeless people like to squat in.

Actually, now that she thought about it, that's exactly what it was.

Anyway, it was about eleven past noon, and the majority of the gang was still passed out from the previous night's bender, but fortunately their fearless leader, Bacchus von Brute, had managed to rouse himself back to consciousness upon smelling the sweat off Katie's naughty bits a block away.

And even more fortunately, it turned out that he was a fan.

"Yeah, I remember that little cunt." The hyena-swine said in a low, throaty voice while sitting upon a throne made from old wooden crates. "Kinda hard to forget someone who rips your spine out through your nose."

"I can imagine." Katie replied, feigning politeness as she forced herself not gag on his stench. "So tell me, Mr. Brute. How did she find her way into your territory? Did she take a wrong turn or was she looking for trouble?"

"Ah-Ah-Ah, cutie pie. Nothing's free down here. That information's gonna cost yah."

"I already gave you an autograph."

"That was just an entrance free. A little something to keep me from waking up the boys and letting them go to town on your sweet, spankable ass. But real info is gonna cost you big time. Cuz I got me a powerful hangover, and I think we both know there's only one surefire cure for that."

"Yeah… not gonna happen. There's not enough soap or penicillin in the world." Katie replied flatly, throwing out her reporter's decorum. "So here's my counteroffer. You're gonna tell me everything you know for free, and then I'm gonna leave and try to forget that you made a pass at me."

"And why would I agree to that?" Bacchus asked amusedly.

"Because I'm under direct orders from Lucifer, and if I can't get him the intel he needs before my deadline, I'm gonna tell him it was because you refused to cooperate."

Suddenly the hyena-swine's face went sickly pale.

"Uh… right… as… as I recall, she just kinda showed up there." He said nervously, much to Katie's delight. "Just stepped right through a portal in the middle of the alley?"

"A Portal?" the insectoid demon repeated confusedly. "That's unusual."

"I know right. Usually new arrivals just fall from the sky. But I didn't think much of it at the time. Figured the ruling class was just trying something new. Anyway, that's all I remember before getting my guts ripped out."

"Okay, thank you, Mr. Brute. That was very… helpful."

"No problem, babe. And just remember, my offer still stands if you ever change your mind."

XXX

_Journal Entry: 2815_

_Speaking with Bacchus left bad taste in mouth. _

_Will need at least ten showers before I can even think about having sex again._

_But at least it wasn't a total loss. Finally have some information about Marceline._

_Not sure if it's useful though. Bacchus' account of the incident is sketchy at best. Also, he is well known lush. Could've imagined or misremembered the whole thing. Need someone to verify story._

_Only other witnesses equally unreliable. Need visual record of this so-called 'Portal'. Only one demon I know might have one._

_Must catch him in good mood._

_Must wait 'til breakfast. _

XXX

_They're Crispy and Elicious Day~_

_For Breakfast or for Acking Snay~_

_Made with real Fruit Avor Flay~ _

_Orange, Cherry, Lemon, Yay!_

_Oot Fray Oops Lay~ _

With his 'charming' little ditty completed, Vox, also known as the TV Demon, returned to the kitchen table with a box of the aforementioned cereal and a carton of milk.

"AH-HA-_**HA**_! Don't you just love that old tune?" he asked as he sat down at the table and proceeded to pour the sugar spangled oat loops into a bowl. "So much better than all that 'Follow Your Nose' shit. No Ma'am, the old song was a real Earworm. Guaranteed to rattle around in your skull until you either bought the damn things or blew your brains out. Ah… they just don't write 'em like that anymore."

"Er… right." Katie said, doing her best to sound polite. "Listen, Voxxie, this isn't a social call. I…"

"Say no more." The TV Demon interrupted, still apparently in a very good mood. "I know you came here looking for an apology."

"What? No, I…"

"Now, now, my little katydid, there's no need to take it personally. Honestly, I thought what you did was _**really**_ funny. But… when the Ruler of Hell suddenly shows up at your door and demands a soul contract, well… you just can't say no."

"Look, I don't care that you sold me out to Lucifer. I would've done the same thing." Katie admitted bluntly. "I'm just here because I need some information."

"Oh… What sort of information?"

"King Dickhead needs dirt on Marceline, the little bat demon trying to put the moves on his daughter. And since you have hidden cameras stashed all over Hell, I figured maybe you could help."

"I'd love to, doll, but as far as I can tell, this Marceline character spends almost all her time at the Happy Hotel, and Lucifer made me take all the bugs out of there months ago."

"I just need footage of her arriving in Hell. It would've been a little over three months ago, somewhere on 6th Street near where the Wine-Os do their shakedowns."

"Hmm… Fuck You Alley…" Vox said as he mused for a moment, stroking his nonexistent chin. "Let me check my files."

Suddenly, Vox's face turned into a screensaver; one of those really old ones with the never ending pipes. He remained like this for several minutes, until finally returning with an extra wide grin on his face.

"_BINGO~_" the TV Demon said ecstatically. "I think I found what you're looking for."

"You did?"

"Oh my, yes. And it's some pretty freaky shit too."

"Well, what is it?"

"Ah-Ah-Ah~ Not so fast, my little katydid. For intel this juicy, you're gonna have to earn it."

"_Ugh_. Fine." Katie acquiesced, realizing that at the very least Vox was of higher status and practiced much better hygiene than the likes of Bacchus. "But no butt stuff, okay."

"Oh, no, no, no. Nothing like that. I just want you to stay and have breakfast with me." He said, snapping his fingers to make a second bowl appear in front of her. "And I expect you to participate _fully_."

Upon realizing what the TV Demon meant my 'participate', the ex-reporter cringed in disgust.

"You can't be serious."

"It's either that or I delete the footage. Your choice."

'Do it for Danny. Do it for Danny.' She told herself as she grabbed the box of Froot Loops and poured it into her bowl. "Fine."

And with that, she let out a deep sigh and gave the Overlord what he wanted.

_Sparkling with Ugar Shay~_

_They Ell Smay So Elicious Day~ _

XXX

_Journal Entry: 2816_

_It took three bowls of cereal and 800 verses of that stupid jingle, but Vox finally gave me what I wanted. Footage confirms Bacchus' story. Marceline arrived in Hell through swirling vortex of golden light. _

_Very weird, but still no idea what it means. Must consult expert._

_Only two names come to mind. _

_Stolas, Prince of Owls, is collector of rare books and hoarder of forbidden knowledge. _

_Fredrick von Eldritch, Grand Duke of Fomorians, as leader of God's first Chosen People, is privy to many secrets not shared with humanity. _

_One of them might know something._

_Better ask both._

_Wait for Tuesday, when both are in same place._

XXX

In the months leading up to the annual Cleansing, many Demons like to double down on their indulgence and debauchery, since you never know when it will be your turn to be erased from existence. And while Overlords and Goetic Demons were usually exempt from the massacre, they were not immune like the Fallen Angels were, so they like to pack in as much fun while they can as well; you know, just in case.

It is for this reason that, once a year, the upper echelons of Hell gather together in one place for the Feast of Earthly Delights; a wild, drunken orgy the likes of which have not been seen on Earth since the days of old Caligula. And while lower level demons were usually barred from entering, certain exceptions could be made. Like, for example, if you were on official business for Lucifer himself.

Anyway, upon finding her two targets in the midst of rehydrating themselves, Katie politely but sternly explained her situation, and more importantly who she was working for, and the infernal aristocrats graciously agreed to have a look at the footage; in the privacy of a different room, for obvious reasons.

"_Hmm_…" went Stolas as he replayed the video for what felt like the billionth time. "This doesn't appear to be an ordinary portal. Normally, when one opens a doorway between Hell and Earth, it's surrounded by a ring of fire. But this one is completely different. If I had to guess, I'd say it was the work of a jinn."

"What? Let me see that." Fredrick said, sounding almost annoyed by his colleague's hypothesis, before snatching the phone away from him. "Oh, go have your eyes checked, you old buzzard! A jinn's portal is surrounded by plumes of smoke. Does that look like smoke to you?"

"Huh… well, now that you mention it, I suppose it doesn't, but you know… the picture quality isn't that good and I was looking at it from a weird angle."

"Yeah right. Just admit it, you need glasses."

"_NO I DON'T!_"

"Gentlemen, please!" Katie said, trying very hard not to show how desperate she was. "Can we stay on topic?"

"Terribly sorry, darling." The Head Fomorian said politely. "Anyway, from the looks of that golden radiance, I'd say this is the work of that insufferable prick, Algernon."

"Alger-who?"

"Algernon. Also known as the Wish Master. He's an ancient and powerful entity who dwells at the center of the multiverse. Any being, from any timeline, who stands before him will be granted one wish, but it usually comes with some kind of ironic twist. I've faced him before. He's the worst."

"_HA_!" Stolas jumped in suddenly. "Now who needs glasses?"

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"Algernon's portals always spin clockwise, but look here. This one is spinning counterclockwise. So it can't be one of his."

"What? That's ridicu… well I'll be damned. You're right."

"What was that? I didn't quite hear you?"

"Don't push it."

"Uh… hello, ignorant mortal here." Katie jumped in, feeling like a third wheel. "What does any of that mean?"

"It means, that this Marceline person, whoever she is, didn't come to Hell in the usual way. She was sent here of her own volition by someone or something extremely powerful." Fredrick explained.

"So she came to Hell willingly?" the insectoid reporter asked confusedly. "Why?"

"That we cannot say." Stolas replied. "To find that out, you'll have to ask someone else. And there's only one demon I can think of who might have an answer. And unfortunately for you, she thinks she's too good for any of our parties."

"Who?"

"Who do you think, Darling?" the Head Fomorian asked with a sinister smirk. "Good ol' Rosie."

XXX

_Journal Entry Whatever_

_This case just keeps getting weirder. _

_Portals? Multiverse? Wish Master? It's all Greek to me. _

_All I understand is that Marceline came to Hell of her own freewill, and to find out why I am forced to negotiate with a psychotic._

_Do it for Danny. Do it for Danny. Do it for Danny. Do it for Danny._

XXX

In Hell, there is one simple rule that all intelligent demons follow if they want to survive.

_Never speak your dreams aloud, you never know who's listening._

Well, 9 times out of 10, the 'who' is Rosie, and trust me, she's the last person you want listening.

For Rosie, my dear readers, fancies herself a fairy godmother, who can and will do anything to make your dreams a reality, but at a terrible cost. Even a few of the other Overlords were terrified of her demented parlor games, but to save her son from Lucifer's wrath, Katie was willing to risk it all.

"_So Sugar, what can ol' Rosie do for you?_" the pale woman asked in an ethereal southern drawl.

"Well, Ma'am, I… I need some information about a certain demon." The insectoid reporter answered nervously as the Overlord circled her like a shark.

"_Ah yes, that would be Marceline, right? That cute little bat demon making googly eyes at the Princess?_"

"Yeah, but… h-how did you…"

"_Oh, ol' Rosie knows about lots of things. All the dreams and desires of every demon in Hell are written down in her ledger._" She explained as she pulled a small, leather-bound book from out of nowhere. "_Very useful in her line of work. Also makes for a good bedtime story. Would you like Rosie to tell you one?_"

"Any information you can give will be useful, and… and my employer will be very grateful for your cooperation."

"_Rosie's sure he will, but let's not talk about him right now. Let's talk about you._" The pale woman said as she finally ceased her circling and stood before the much smaller demon. "_Rosie knows about your dreams too, Katie Scarlett. And she's willing to let you have what you want. For a price._"

"Yeah… _gulp_ I know the routine. Just tell me what you want."

"_All Rosie wants is to know how far you're willing to go to save your baby boy. Tell her, have you ever read 'The Merchant of Venice'?_"

"Well, not like word for word, but…"

Suddenly, a small table appeared in the space between them; on which sat a bronze balance scale with a one pound weight on one side and a long rusty dagger on the other.

"You… you can't be serious." Katie said as the blood drained from her face.

"_Just how much do you love your son?_" Rosie asked with a toothy smirk.

To which the reporter's only reply was another terrified _gulp_.

XXX

The walls of the Royal Palace echoed with Lucifer's laughter as he reviewed the intel he'd just been given. He had hoped that enlisting Killjoy's help would turn up something scandalous, like maybe Marceline had stomped a puppy to death or something, but _this_, this was better than he ever could have dreamed.

"_Heh-Heh-Heh_. Well done, Katie Scarlett, well done." The Prince of Darkness said amusedly as he leaned back into his favorite desk chair; his faithful brother Samael standing close beside him. "You really are something else, you know that? I don't think anyone else in all of Hell could've gotten me this intel."

"Yeah, whatever." Katie replied bitterly as she clutched the still gaping wound in her side. "So… are we square?"

"Yes, yes, you and your son are off my shit list. So long as you stay away from my daughter, but listen, you've got a real talent for this line of work and I could always use a new spook. How would you like it if I bought your soul? No other demon could touch you and you'd be safe when my brothers come for the next Cleansing. What do you say?"

But Katie did not accept Lucifer's generous offer. Instead she just glared at him and said,

"Fuck you."

And then she stood up and limped out of the room without saying another word.

Once he was sure she was out of earshot, the King of Hell started laughing again.

"Sammy, I think I'm coming down with something." He said amusedly.

"Why is that?" Samael asked, maintaining his usual monotone.

"Because I'm starting to like her. _Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh_."

"You give her too much credit. You and I could have easily forced Rosie to give up this information."

"Yeah, but we didn't. We didn't even think to ask. And besides, how many people can you name who'd cut off a pound of their own flesh just to save a child they haven't seen for almost thirty years? _Heh-Heh_. Humans are such fascinating creatures."

"I thought you hated humans?"

"As a species yes, but over the years a fair few have managed to earn my respect. Lilith, of course, and our half-brother the Carpenter, and a few others, like that guy who played Mr. Miyagi. What was his name again?"

"I don't know, Brother. But perhaps we should focus on the task at hand."

"Right, right. Marceline. So… that little vampire bitch thinks she can just waltz right on into my universe and take my precious Pumpkin away from me? Well, she's got another thing coming."

"Agreed, Brother. So how shall we handle this? Trick her into revealing her true origin so she'll be forced out of our realm forever?"

"Oh, ye of little imagination. No, I've got something _much_ more interesting in mind. Bring me my rolodex."

"At once, Brother."

And with that, Samael left the room to retrieve the desired organizer.

Once he was alone, Lucifer took a moment to look at the photo of Marceline that Rosie had tastefully pasted to the page.

"Oh~ You poor, sweet, heartbroken thing." He said mockingly as his mouth twisted into a cruel smirk. "You are in for such a mindfuck."

**End Notes:**

1) Just to clarify, the rules state that Marceline is only disqualified if she herself verbally or nonverbally reveals to someone that she is from another universe. It doesn't count if someone else figures it out on their own.

2) Yes, that really is the original Froot Loops jingle from the 1950s, and both it and the aforementioned cereal are owned by Kellogg's.

With that said, thanks for reading and I'll see you in the next one.

Peace.


	18. Ch18: The Guilt of Hades

Sorry for posting this so late. I've had a stressful couple of days. Personal stuff. Nothing to worry about. Anyway, Adventure Time is the property of Cartoon Network and Hazbin Hotel is the creation of Vivienne M. Medrano aka Vivziepop. With that said, Enjoy.

Chapter 18: The Guilt of Hades

It was a beautiful day in the Land of Ooo.

The sun was shining.

The sky was clear.

And there was a hint of clover on the wind which seemed to induce a mild euphoria.

All was right with the world.

On a hilltop overlooking a field of wildflowers, Marceline sat in the shade of a large oak tree with Charlie sitting close beside her. Their wedding had ended several hours ago, so they were now officially on their honeymoon, but they had yet to change out of their ceremonial garb. Somehow, neither of them felt like it was the right time to take them off.

So there they were, Marceline still in her white silk wedding dress, Charlie still in her jet black tuxedo, sitting together and holding hands as a married couple, watching a pair of rainicorns dancing in the sky.

Life just couldn't get much better.

"I never thought I'd live to see this." Charlie said in a soft and dreamy voice.

"See what?" Marceline asked amusedly.

"All of this. Real sunshine, a field of flowers, flying rainbow unicorns. You're world really is beautiful."

"It's your world too now."

"I know, and it's all thanks to you."

Suddenly, and without any prompting from Marceline, the Demon Princess closed her eyes and leaned in to kiss the Vampire Queen on the lips, which the latter gratefully accepted.

As they kissed, Marceline surrendered herself to the ecstasy of the moment and closed her eyes as well. But after several minutes of pure bliss, Charlie finally broke off the kiss and whispered softly into her lover's ear.

"Shall I pleasure you now, my Empress?"

Naturally, this question, as well as the soulless tone in which it was asked, raised a bunch of red flags in the Vampire Queen's brain. So, on a reflex, she pushed Charlie away and, upon opening her eyes, she saw that the scene had changed dramatically.

No longer were they sitting under a shady tree overlooking a field of flowers, but on a large heart shaped bed in a dark, candlelit chamber. The subtle hint of clover had been replaced by an intoxicating miasma of exotic perfume, and her own white wedding dress had been replaced by one of black silk. But by far the most shocking difference was that of Charlie; for instead of her black tuxedo she now wore a skimpy, hot pink harem girl outfit and a collar that was attached to the bed by a long golden chain. But even more horrifying than her clothes was the look on her face; glazed eyes wide and unblinking, and a creepy smile that made it look like her mouth had been stitched.

She almost looked like a doll.

"Is something that matter, my Empress?" Charlie asked in a soft, robotlike voice. "Does my body not please you?"

"Charlie… wha… what's going on? What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing's wrong, my Empress. Everything is as it should be. I am your obedient little love doll. I exist only for your enjoyment. Please, fuck my soft and tender pussy until it bleeds. Or my asshole. Whichever you prefer."

Needless to say, Marceline found this all very unsettling; for a long list of reasons. So rather than stick around to see where this madness was going, she bolted as fast as her legs could carry her.

"Is something the matter, my Empress?"

"Stop calling me that!" she yelled as she continued to run away from the Charlie-Zombie, but the only place she could go was into an infinite black void that seemed to expand in all directions.

Farther and farther she ran into the darkness, never once daring to look back. Until finally, after what felt like hours, she collided with something solid. At first the impact left her discombobulated, but after taking a moment to regain her composure, Marceline realized that what she'd run into was a mirror.

Or at least it seemed to be a mirror. Only the reflection wasn't her own. That strange black dress. Those puffy lips. That golden asp necklace. And that single ruby eye in the middle of her forehead.

This was not her reflection. This was the form of that horrible Vampire known as the Empress; a heartless witch who enslaved so-called 'lesser beings' with her hypnotic gaze. Poor Simon had fallen victim to her cruelty several centuries ago, until the future Vampire Queen staked her black heart and absorbed her soul to gain her power. But why was this mirror showing _her_ reflection instead of her own?

Marceline looked down and almost immediately felt her heart stop. The black dress she was wearing was not her dress. And her hands were not her hands. She reached up to touch her face, and her face was not her face. It wasn't the mirror, it was _**her**_. Somehow, she had become the Empress.

"_No_…" she said meekly as the cruel, nightmarish reality of her situation finally sink in. "_**NO!**_"

Acting on fear induced adrenaline, Marceline lunged at the mirror and struck her fists against it with all her might; causing both it and the void around her to shatter into a billion pieces. And when the dust settled, she found herself in a whole new nightmare.

Suddenly, the Vampire Queen was back in Hell, only it was somehow much worse than she remembered it. The air was filled with screaming, all of the buildings were either in ruins or on fire, and the ground beneath her feet was just a great mass of bones.

In the distance, she caught sight of a familiar face. It was Crymini, running at top speed in a mad panic. Marceline attempted to call out to her, but the words died in her throat once she saw what she was running from. The young Hellhound was being pursued by a horrifying monstrosity with long skeletal limbs, gigantic black vulture wings and a face hidden behind a grotesque Hannya mask.

Before the Vampire Queen could even process what was happening, the winged horror pulled out a large, crooked scythe and swung it at the fleeing youth; causing her to crumble into a pile of dust.

"_Crymini_!" she cried out in terror, only to have her voice drowned out by a dozen other horrified shrieks.

All around her, familiar faces were being mowed down by the terrible scythe wielding monsters. First Angel Dust. Then Baxter. Followed by Blitz, Husk, Niffty and even Vaggie. All of them turned to dust.

It was all just so horrifying. Marceline wanted to scream but for some reason her voice wasn't working. So instead she tried to run, but as soon as she turned her head she came face to face with yet another unexpected sight.

"B-B-B-B-Bonnie…" she managed to choke out, as she stared at the unmistakable form of her ex-girlfriend.

"Marceline, what have you done?" the Candy Princess asked solemnly.

But before the Vampire Queen could even attempt to answer, another winged horror emerged from the mass of bones and swung its massive scythe directly at her beloved Bonnibel.

Seconds later, Marceline felt herself jerk upright.

Suddenly she was back in her room at the Happy Hotel; her skin damp with sweat.

Just another nightmare.

After she finally stopped hyperventilating, she climbed out of bed and went to the bathroom to splash some cold water in her face.

This helped, but not much.

And while it was a relief to not see the Empress staring back at her in the mirror, her own reflection wasn't much better. Those dark circles under her eyes, that paler than usual skin, she looked like a zombie; as opposed to the sexy Vampire Lady she truly was.

This was her eighth straight night of nightmares, and while this was nothing new to her, what with all the shit she'd experienced over her 1000+ years of life, these latest night terrors were of a decidedly more disturbing nature. And although she'd done her best to dismiss them and stay focused on her mission, she could no longer deny their source.

Guilt.

It had been exactly eight days since she'd gotten Angel Dust fired and cost him his protection. But more than that, it had been exactly eight days since she realized that taking Charlie back to Ooo with her might not be such a good idea. For one thing, doing so would put at least a half a dozen relatively innocent demons in danger of being permanently erased from existence. For another, she was beginning to question her own intentions.

From the beginning, Marceline envisioned herself as the hero of this story; like those of Greek Mythology. More than once, she'd compared herself to Orpheus, the poet and musician who'd braved he depths of the Underworld to rescue his beloved Eurydice. But that analogy didn't quite fit anymore.

For one thing, Charlie didn't need rescuing. She hadn't died at the bite of a snake, she was born here. For better or worse, this pit of suffering was her home. This is where her friends and family were, she didn't want to leave it. For fuck's sake, she opened this Hotel just to try and make it better.

No, the Vampire Queen had gotten it wrong. This wasn't the story of Orpheus and Eurydice, it was the story of Hades and Persephone. And _she_ was Hades.

Hades, the God of Death who kidnapped the beautiful Goddess of Spring and took her down to the Underworld to be his bride; and in so doing, condemned the world above to an endless winter. Granted, it was sort of a reversal, but the analogy still applied.

Here she was, trying to convince an innocent girl into unwitting abandoning her home and family forever just so she could be her wife, and all at the expense of people she'd called her friends.

And for what?

Just so she wouldn't be lonely anymore?

_No!_

This was wrong.

This was all wrong.

Coming to this universe was a horrible, stupid, selfish mistake.

"_Sigh_. I have to fix this." She told herself as she looked into her haggard reflection. "I have to get out of here before I make things any worse."

"_Oh, but why would you wanna do that?_" a familiar voice asked, causing Marceline to nearly jump out of her skin.

She spun around and, sure enough, she saw Alastor standing right behind her; his ever-present smile as wide as ever.

"Alastor! Wha… What the fuck are you doing here?"

"_Your door was unlocked, so I thought I'd let myself in._"

"I don't care if my door was unlocked! That doesn't mean you can just come in whenever you want!"

"_Actually, it does. You should've thought of that._"

"Look, I don't know what your game is, but I'm no mood for any of your crap right now."

"_Why not? Too busy thinking about going back home to Ooo?_"

Once again, Marceline felt her heart stop. How on Earth did he know about Ooo? She was about to ask this question aloud when the Radio Demon placed a finger on her lips.

"_Ah-Ah-Ah. Don't speak. Don't even nod_." He said in a casual yet authoritative tone. "_The rules say you're only disqualified if you blab your secret yourself. It doesn't count if someone else figures it out on their own. As for how I know all this, well… let's just say I have an old acquaintance who loves to gossip_."

The Vampire Queen did as instructed. She did not speak. Nor did she resist when Alastor put his arm around her shoulder and started leading her back into the bedroom.

"_Now, now, Dearie. I know you've had a tough time recently. You've got all this guilt welling up inside you and you just wanna try to fix things so you can go back home with a clear conscience. But I'm afraid you haven't thought things through._" The Radio Demon explained as he sat Marceline down at the foot of her bed. "_You see, there are three fatal flaws with your logic. Do you know what they are?_"

Marceline just shook her head.

"_I didn't think so, but that's okay. I'll explain it to you nice and simple_." He said politely before pausing to clear his throat. "_Flaw Number 1: You've forgotten where you are. Namely Hell, Darling. You pity those creatures down stairs because you shared a few laughs with them, but you forget that they're down here for a reason. They're down here because they squandered the lives God gave them on selfishness and vice. They had their chance and they blew it. And there's no way out, no matter what Miss Charlotte thinks. And as for the Cleansing, well… it happens to everyone eventually. Even me someday. We're all just on borrowed time. So there's really no point in feeling sorry for us._"

Marceline hated to admit it, but there was a certain dark logic to what he was saying.

"_Flaw Number 2: Ending things now would just be so… anticlimactic. I mean, there's just been so much build up so far. So many ups and downs and crazy plot twists, that pulling the plug now would just be so… so… __**BORING**__!_"

For a split second, Alastor dropped his signature smile and allowed his true burning rage to shine through. But fortunately for her, he quickly regained his composure.

"_Anyway, that leads me to my final point. Flaw Number 3: Your escape route comes with a delay timer. Even if you were to go out right now and spill the beans to some drunken vagrant, you'd still have to wait 24 hours before you could leave. And I can get a lot done in just one day. Heck, I once crammed an entire lifetime's worth of pain and suffering into 90 minutes. Oh sure, you could try to run and hide, but there's nowhere in Hell I can't find you. And I suppose you could try to fight, but given your performance with Valentino, I wouldn't bet on you wining. Not that I ever engage in such things_."

The Vampire Queen suddenly felt very small and _very_ afraid. It was like she was a field mouse caught in the jaws of a hungry leopard.

"_What I guess I'm trying to say is that I'm dying to see where this little drama is going. I'm genuinely curious to see which one of you Miss Charlotte will choose, and I'd __**hate**__ for anyone to spoil my fun. Do you understand me, Dearie?_"

Marceline nodded, still too scared to speak.

"_Good. You don't have to do anything else if you don't want to. You've already done quite enough. Just don't leave the Hotel until after Miss Charlotte makes her decision. And don't do anything that might push her back to Miss Vagatha. Oh, and don't breathe a word about this conversation to anyone. Understand?_"

She nodded once again.

"_Good girl. Well, I've kept you up long enough. I'll leave you alone now._"

And with that, the Radio Demon made his grand exit. But not before pausing to add.

"_Pleasant dreams_."

**End Notes:**

Nothing else to add this time.

Thanks for reading and I'll see you in the next one.

Peace.


	19. Ch19: Flipping the Script

I meant to have this up yesterday, but there was a bad storm and my power went out twice. Anyway, Adventure Time is the property of Cartoon Network and Hazbin Hotel is the creation of Vivienne M. Medrano aka Vivziepop. With that said, Enjoy.

Chapter 19: Flipping the Script

While Alastor was busy making sure Marceline didn't spoil his favorite romantic drama, Vaggie was burning the midnight oil on her own passion project; namely her love poem for Charlie.

Despite her initial doubts, the Fallen Angel soon discovered that she did indeed have a natural aptitude for this sort of thing; just as Niffty had suspected. And now after days of writing, rewriting, proofreading and revision, she had at last completed her masterpiece. A two and a half page composition detailing her true feelings for the Demon Princess through use of vivid imagery and metaphor without resorting to an overuse of flowery language. It didn't have a title yet, but that was of little importance to Vaggie; for all she cared, it could just be called 'Love Poem for Charlie'. All that mattered was the content and the effect it had on her intended target.

As she skimmed over it one last time to make sure there weren't any spelling or grammatic errors, she felt, for the first time in months, a great sense of pride and confidence. This was really going to work. This was really going to save her relationship with Charlie. This simple little poem was going to make sure that she would marry the woman she loved. Everything was finally going to be okay.

"Nice work, Kiddo." Said a familiar voice, causing Vaggie to nearly jump out of her chair.

She quickly spun around and, as expected, there was Lucifer standing over her.

"Sir! I-I-I mean, Apple Daddy. W-W-What are you doing here?" the Fallen Angel asked nervously.

"Take it easy, Kiddo. I'm just here to see how you're doing, and to deliver some good news." The King of Hell replied casually, keeping his voice as low as possible so as not to alert anyone else of his presence. "But before we get into that, I just want to say how impressed I am with how far you've come in such a short time. I had no idea you could be so… well… poetic."

"Thank you, Apple Daddy." Vaggie replied, blushing a little at the complement. "But it's only because I had such a great teacher. I never would've even thought to try poetry if it wasn't for Niffty."

"Which reminds me, where is that delightful little maniac? I was going to ask her if she'd be interested in joining the Palace Staff. I dare say her positive energy would be a welcome change of pace."

"Oh, she's asleep right now. Over there in that chest of drawers next to the bed. But I wouldn't wake her if I were you."

"If you were me, you'd have a much better fashion sense." Lucifer commented dryly before raising an eyebrow. "Wait, she owns a bed but she sleeps in a drawer?"

"I… try not to ask her too many personal questions."

"Fair enough, but listen, about that good news. I had a freelancer do some digging, and she turned up something interesting. We've got some real dirt on this Marceline bitch that just might turn Charlie away from her for good."

"Really? Well, what is it?"

"It would take too long to explain. Best if you just see for yourself. Hold out your hand."

Vaggie did as instructed and Lucifer placed a pair of small metallic bands in her palm; one silver and one gold.

"Uh… wedding rings?"

"No. Well… I suppose you could use them for that, but that's not what you'll be doing with them tonight." The Dark King explained. "You see, these little beauties are called Soulmaters, and basically what they do is link the souls of the two people wearing them; allowing each one to know everything the other one knows."

"Okay… but what am I supposed to do with them?"

"Must I draw you a diagram? First, you bond your soul to Marceline's so you can learn all her shameful secrets. Then you bond your soul to Charlie's so she can learn them too."

"You want me to bond my soul to Marceline's?"

"It's the quickest and easiest way to get concrete intel she can't dispute. Besides, it's temporary. Soul Bonding's only permanent if someone performs a ritual while you're wearing the rings."

"I… I don't know. Can I have some time to think about it?"

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Kiddo. I must've misspoken. This is not a request, it's an order. And I need it done tonight."

"_Tonight_?"

"Is there an echo in here?"

"B-But why so soon? I still have over two months."

"Exactly. You only have slightly over two months. And in case you've forgotten, this isn't just about getting you and Charlie back together. It's about getting Charlie off this Redemption nonsense. Which will take time, which is something we don't have, which is why you two need to get back together immediately. Got it?"

"Yes, Apple Daddy. I understand, it's just… linking my soul to a stranger's… I don't know if I'm comfortable with that."

"_Oh_, so now you're not _comfortable_ with following my orders, is that it?" Lucifer said as his voice began to darken. "Tell me, Kiddo, how was living in my castle these last few years? Was that _comfortable_ for you?"

"That's not what I meant."

"Because you seemed quite _comfortable_ while you were eating my food and watching my tv and wearing out all the springs in my furniture while I let you _**FUCK MY ONLY DAUGHTER**_!"

The entire room shook as Lucifer's voice echoed off the high walls. It was nothing short of a miracle that Niffty hadn't been awakened by all the noise.

"I… I'm sorry." Said the Dark King, sounding genuinely ashamed of his outburst. "It's just been a very stressful time for me. Lilith still won't talk to me, and now all this Marceline business. I just _**really**_ need you two to get back together. Then you can move back into the Palace, get married, and everything can be… _right_."

As scared as she was, and rightfully so, that last bit brought up something that had been nagging at the back of Vaggie's mind for some time now. So, putting her fear aside for the moment, the Fallen Angel plucked up the courage to finally speak her mind.

"Why do you care so much about me marrying Charlie?" she asked tentatively. "I mean, not that I'm complaining, but… you seem kind of… obsessed."

The Fallen Angel had expected another outburst from her King, but instead her question seemed to help calm him down.

"You know, sometimes, you really do sound just like her." Lucifer said with a sort of quiet nostalgia.

"Who? Charlie?"

"No, silly. Vagatha. The original I mean. The one I named you after." He explained dreamily. "Yes, she was always my favorite sister. Even if she did turn against me and forced me to… well, anyway, I think that's why Father chose you to become one of his New Angels. Maybe that's why he chose all of them, to replace the children he lost during the war. I never met any of the others, so I can't say for sure. But Father always was the sentimental type."

"So… you want me to marry Charlie because I remind you of your dead sister?"

"No, no, no, Kiddo. You're oversimplifying. It's more like… Look, you know I love Charlie. She's my precious little Pumpkin. But she's just so… well, barring some kind of paradigm shifting personal cataclysm, she's never going to be the kind of Queen Hell needs her to be. But that won't be a problem anymore, once you're officially in the family."

"Um… Apple Daddy, would you mind repeating that last part?" Vaggie said, suddenly feeling very, _very_ uneasy. "Because now it sounds like you want me to marry Charlie so you can make me your replacement daughter."

"_Heh-Heh-Heh-Heh_. Oh, Kiddo. You take such wild leaps." Lucifer said amusedly. "The word 'replacement' implies that I'd be getting rid of Charlie, which I would obviously never do. No, once you two are married, we're just going to gradually nudge Charlie out of the spotlight and put you front and center. Build you up in the eyes of the people, as it were. That way in oh… five to ten years, when I announce that you're the new Heir to the Throne, no one will question it."

"Y-Y-Y-You want _me_ to be the next Queen of Hell?" the Fallen Angel said as her brain struggled to comprehend this revelation. "_Why_?"

"Why not? You've got the brains, you've got the killer instinct, you've got my Father's seal of approval, and if we're being honest, you've been a much better daughter to me than Charlie ever was or will be. So really, it's kind of a no-brainer."

"But what happens to Charlie?"

"Nothing. She'll still be Princess. She'll just be… more of an ornament. And that's really the best thing for her. No one will bother her and she'll have time to catch up on all her new hobbies. Ones that don't involve the R word."

"But Sir, uh, Apple Daddy. I really don't think…"

"Did I forget to mention that this is not up for discussion?" Lucifer interrupted. "It's either my way or the highway. The highway in this scenario being that I never let you see Charlie again and you spend the rest of eternity alone. Is that what you want?"

"No, Apple Daddy." Vaggie answered meekly.

"I thought not. So, are you gonna go along with my plan?"

"Yes, Apple Daddy."

"Good. Now listen up, because there's a few things you need to know. First off, when you link your souls, make sure that you're wearing the silver ring and that Marceline is wearing the gold one. Got it?"

"Yes, Apple Daddy."

"Great. Second, make sure you're both wearing the rings on your left ring fingers. Your _left_. Otherwise it won't work. Understand?"

"Yes, Apple Daddy."

"Fantastic. One last thing, but it's the most important. Bonding your soul to someone else's can be an… intense experience, and very disorientating. It might make you say or do things you normally wouldn't. But just stay focused on your objective and you should be fine. Got it?"

"Yes, Apple Daddy. I understand. I won't let you down."

"I know you won't, Kiddo." The Dark King said as he affectionately tussled Vaggie's hair. "Now get to work."

XXX

By the time Lucifer finally left it was around 2 in the morning, and at almost the exact same moment the sky opened up and let loose a dreadful downpour. Granted this was Hell, so spontaneous bad weather was nothing new, but somehow this random thunderstorm seemed particularly ominous.

While the rest of the Hotel was sound asleep, Vaggie was silently sculking the hall outside of Marceline's room; mentally grappling with her conscience.

She couldn't believe she was really going to do this. I mean, forcibly bonding her soul to someone else's to extract incriminating intel. This was wrong on so many levels.

But on the other hand, what choice did she have? Lucifer made it clear that if she didn't do this, she'd never be allowed anywhere near Charlie ever again. This was the only way to stay on his good side.

But on the other hand, what about Charlie's good side? Even if the intel was as bad as Lucifer said, would Charlie forgive her for how she got it? And even more importantly, would she ever forgive herself? And besides, she didn't want to be Queen. She didn't want to rip away Charlie's birthright and turn her into a powerless puppet princess.

But on the other hand, Lucifer had a point. Taking Charlie out of the spotlight was the easiest way to protect her. And no one would dare make fun of her once she assumed the Throne.

But on the other hand, this was _**WRONG**_! This was wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, one billion times _**wrong**_! And there were no more hands after that.

A sudden thunderclap brought the Fallen Angel out of her internal musings and she found herself crouching beside her target's bed. Apparently while her heart and mind were debating, her body had been running on autopilot. And as luck would have it, the Bat Demon was still asleep, and with her left arm hanging over the bed no less.

This was the perfect opportunity. All she had to do was slip the gold ring on her left ring finger, the silver one already on her own, and then she'd know whatever it was that Lucifer wanted her to know. And with any luck, the Bat Demon would simply write off the whole thing as a bad dream.

Yep, it was the ideal setup.

If she could bring herself to actually do it.

Again, this was all kinds of wrong, but she didn't really have an alternatives.

It was either this or an eternity of loneliness.

But was that really enough of a justification?

While Vaggie continued to debate this in her head, Marceline began to stir in her bed.

She thrashed and flailed about like mad; muttering fearfully in her sleep. Until at last she sprang up like a Pop Tart and shouted,

"_I didn't tell anyone, I swear!_"

Naturally, this had caught Vaggie off-guard. So much so that she could do nothing but stand there in a stunned silence while Marceline regained her senses.

"Huh? What the… What's… Vaggie?" the Bat Demon asked groggily as her awareness returned. "What the hell are you doing in my room?"

"Uh… nothing." The Fallen Angel answered awkwardly as she palmed the golden Soulmater and hid it behind her back.

"What was that?" Marceline asked suspiciously.

"What was what?"

"That thing you just hid behind your back. What was it?"

"Uh… also nothing."

"Oh… my… _God_!" the Bat Demon exclaimed before pointing an accusatory finger at Vaggie. "You were trying to kill me, weren't you!"

"What? No! That's ridiculous."

"So you're not holding a knife behind your back?"

"No, of course not."

"Then what is it?"

"Uh… that's kind of hard to explain."

"Oh my God! I can't believe I was actually starting to feel sorry for you!"

"Now hold on, I swear it's not… wait, _**you**_ were feeling sorry for _**me**_?"

"That's right! I started to feel bad because you looked so pathetic while you were crying and stuffing yourself with ice cream, but not anymore! And by the way, I hope all that stress eating turns you into a blimp!"

"Oh yeah, well I hope Lucifer shoves his hand up your ass and uses you as a sock puppet!"

"I hate you!"

"I hate you more!"

"Bitch!"

"Slut!"

"Cunt!"

"Hack!"

And just like that, the spirited bout of childish name calling erupted into physical violence. With no one to restrain them, the two lunged at each other with all their might and started trying to claw each other's eyes out. Hair was pulled. Clothes were torn. There was even some biting involved.

Eventually, Vaggie managed to pin Marceline on the bed by her wrists. Then, with great difficulty, she attempted to force the gold ring on the desired finger. It took several minutes of struggling and cursing, but finally she managed to slip it on and then…

_**WHAM-O!**_

Over a thousand years' worth of memories washed over her like a tidal wave.

Marceline's childhood. Her Mother. Her Father. Priscilla. The Mushroom War. The Wastelands. The Goo Monsters. Wait… Priscilla? Seriously? Simon. Hambo. The Crown. The Nightosphere. The Fries. The Fool. The Empress. Mr. Belvedere? The Moon. The Hierophant. The King. Ghosts. Zombies. Over a hundred toxic relationships. Finn. Jake. Bonnie. Love. Sorrow. Pain. Rejection. And an overwhelming fear of waking up alone every day for the rest of eternity.

Half a second later it was over, and Vaggie was left feeling like she'd just run a double marathon. And as she looked down at the poor, sad, lonely creature she had pinned beneath her, she realized that she'd made a horrible mistake.

Without hesitation, the Fallen Angel released her captive and allowed her to take a seated position on the bed. She opened her mouth to apologize for her shameful actions, but before she could, the Bat Demon… no, the Vampire Queen began to sob uncontrollably.

"No, Marceline, please don't cry." She said remorsefully. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, I just… I mean I was only trying to… I thought you were bad."

"_Sniff. Sniff._ I am bad." Marceline replied pitifully as the tears continued to stream down her cheeks like a pair of tiny waterfalls. "You… You gave up Heaven just to be with Charlie, and I… _Sniff_… I… _Sniff_… I was trying to take her away from you. _I'm horrible!_"

"No you're not."

"_**I'm a monster**_!"

"No…"

But alas, her pleas fell on deaf ears. The Vampire Queen had fallen into a deep, _deep_ pit of despair, and it was all her fault. How could she have allowed herself to get talked into this? And more importantly, how could she have so misjudged this poor girl? Marceline wasn't the villain here. She was just a sad, sweet, sensitive, beautiful, artistic, creative, beautiful, warm, affectionate, beautiful, loving, beautiful, heartbroken soul. She didn't deserve this kind of torture. She just needed love and compassion. Affection and understanding. She needed… she needed… _her_.

Acting on either Angelic Instinct or something else entirely, Vaggie unveiled her seraphic wings; their glistening white feathers instantly gaining the Vampire Queen's attention. She then grabbed the poor girl into a tight but gentle hug; wrapping her wings around her to intensify the experience.

"Vaggie, wha… what are you doing?" Marceline asked confusedly as the tears finally stopped flowing.

"_Shh_~ It's okay, I've got you." Vaggie said soothingly as she wiped the remaining tears from the Vampire Queen's face. "I'm so sorry for everything that's happened to you. And for everything I've said. But you are not a monster. You are a warm, sweet, loving person with one of the biggest heart's I've ever seen."

"But I was trying to…"

"I know, but you didn't mean to hurt anyone. You were just scared and hurt and… I know what that feels like."

"I know you do. I saw it… and I thought my life was depressing." Marceline replied, allowing herself to smile, if only for a second.

"Yeah, we've both had it pretty rough, and that's how I know you don't deserve to feel this way. You deserve to find happiness. To be loved. Because you have so much love to give. And you're so… so… _beautiful_…"

Just then, a switch was flipped somewhere deep down inside of Vaggie. Whether it was in her heart or her head she couldn't say. But wherever it was it opened the floodgates and allowed a surge of strange new thoughts and feelings to overwhelm her senses. And apparently Marceline was going through something similar, for soon they were both staring dreamily into each other's eyes.

Then, perhaps inevitably, they surrendered to their newfound passions…

And kissed.

**End Notes:**

_**WHAT A TWIST!**_

Anyway, Pop Tarts are owned by Kellogg's and Mr. Belvedere is owned by ABC and I guess now Disney.

Thanks for reading.

Peace.


	20. Ch20: Pillow Talk

I've got nothing to say. Adventure Time is the property of Cartoon Network and Hazbin Hotel is the creation of Vivienne M. Medrano aka Vivziepop. Blah. Blah. Blah. Enjoy.

Chapter 20: Pillow Talk

For the first time in what felt like forever, Marceline didn't wake up feeling exhausted; either physically or emotionally. In fact, she felt better than she had in months. She felt all warm and safe and snuggly; like a baby kangaroo in its mommy's pouch. Or something that sounds much less embarrassing.

Anyway, as her eyes slowly fluttered open, the Vampire Queen found herself staring into the face of the most beautiful and wonderful person in this or any other universe.

Vaggie~

Her sweet, supportive, emotionally available angel.

Oh~ Last night had been amazing~ They'd kissed and cuddled and snuggled and _made love_~

Oh~ How she adored that expression. 'Make Love'. So much more romantic than 'fuck' or 'screw'.

To think, just a few short hours ago she'd been crying her eyes out, and now here she was, in the warm and loving embrace of a real-life Angel whom she adored with all her heart and soul.

Just then, Vaggie began to stir. Her one eye slowly fluttered open, and after the grogginess wore off, her gaze fixed upon the Vampire Queen and she smiled warmly.

"Morning, Sleepyhead." Marceline said sweetly to her beloved angel, to which she warmly replied,

"Morning, Priscilla."

And just like that, all her warm and fuzzy feelings were gone.

"Don't call me that." The Vampire Queen said annoyedly as both her tone and her cheeks began to darken slightly.

"Why not? That's your name, isn't it?" the Fallen Angel replied, feigning innocence.

"It's my middle name, and I _hate_ it."

"But why? It's so cute. And it suits you so much better than Marceline."

"No it doesn't. Priscilla is something you name a spoiled little girl who loves tea parties, or a librarian. I am _not_ a Priscilla."

"Too bad, because that's what I'm calling you from now on. My pretty, pretty Priscilla Pussycat~"

"Pussycat? Where's that coming from?"

"You remind me of a cat I used to have when I was six. Her name was Muffin and she used to walk around, acting all grumpy and mean, but all she really wanted was someone to cuddle with. Just like you~"

Vaggie chose to punctuate that last statement by playfully booping Marceline on the nose; much to the latter's chagrin.

"I don't have to take this, you know." The Vampire Queen said confidently. "If you're gonna keep teasing me, I can fight back."

"Oh yeah, and how are you gonna do that?"

"Well… from now on, I think I'm gonna call you… Baby Doll."

"_Pfft_. That doesn't even make sense."

"Yes it does. With your cute widdle dress and your big pink bow and your missing eye, you look just like a giant ragdoll."

"No I don't."

"Yes you do, but don't worry, because you're my ragdoll now and I love you so much~"

"You are such a dork."

"Look who's talking."

"Yeah, okay, you got me."

And with that, the new couple shared a pleasant laugh.

"_Sigh_… So here we are. Priscilla Pussycat and Baby Doll." Vaggie said dreamily, before pausing to giggle. "Oh my God, we sound like a bad children's book."

"Yeah…" Marceline replied. "Why do we do it?"

"Do what? Make up dumb pet names?"

"No, I mean why do we both work so hard to convince everyone that we're all tough and cool when all we really wanna do is, you know, be like this?"

"Well, I don't know about you, but I need to look tough for Charlie's sake. Otherwise…"

The words died in the Fallen Angel's throat as her one eye went wide with horror. Likewise, the Vampire Queen felt her heart stop as the sobering reality of their situation finally dawned on her.

They'd forgotten about Charlie.

With their minds finally free from all that saccharine, sentimental fluff, the two… whatever they were, pushed away from each other and sprang into upright positions.

"Oh my God, _Oh my God._" Vaggie said in a panic as she retracted her wings back into her body. "What have I done? I… I've completely destroyed my relationship with Charlie. Now she'll never take me back."

While the Fallen Angel continued to freak out, Marceline felt an intense wave of guilt wash over her like a tsunami. Once again, her actions had brought nothing but misery and misfortune to the denizens of this reality.

"Seems like all I do is cause trouble." The Vampire Queen muttered sadly, not even realizing she'd said that aloud.

"What? No, Marceline. This is _my_ fault." Vaggie said sympathetically, momentarily forgetting her own problems. "I let Lucifer talk me into this crazy scheme. _I_ came on to _you_."

"Yeah, but none of that would've happened if I'd just stayed home where I belong. Prismo warned me this was dangerous, but I didn't listen. And now I've completely ruined at least three people's lives. Christ, I suck."

"Don't say that. You didn't mean for any of this to happen. You just wanted someone to share your life with. There's nothing more natural than that. And for what it's worth, Angel's a piece of shit. He was never going to get into Heaven anyway, so he's not worth crying over."

"But what about Charlie? She's already a zombie because of me. When she finds out about this, it'll push her over the edge. She might never smile again."

"Don't worry about her. Charlie's tougher than she looks. She might hurt for a little while, but she'll get over it."

"Maybe… but what if she gets over it, but still won't take you back? What if she never forgives you?"

"That's… possible." Vaggie admitted as some of her confidence began to drain away. "I mean… once Charlie gets an idea in her head, it's damn near impossible to get her to change her mind. And even if she does forgive me, as soon as Lucifer finds out about this I'm screwed."

"Yeah, but… what if he doesn't find out?"

"You can't keep a secret like this from Lucifer forever. It's impossible to lie to him."

"No, I meant… what if, instead of waiting around for Lucifer to find out and kill you, you came back home… with me?" Marceline asked, as her cheeks began to burn a little. "Of course we'd have to tell Charlie. You know, help her understand that we're not doing this to hurt her and make sure she's okay emotionally. But once that's done, we can just, you know, be together."

Naturally, Vaggie didn't respond to this right away; instead she just stared back at her with a strange look on her face. Almost immediately, the Vampire Queen felt ashamed of herself for even suggesting such a proposal. After everything that had happened, why the Hell would she think it would be even remotely okay to ask her something like that? What the fuck was wrong with her?

"Yeah… I guess we could do that." The Fallen Angel replied, much to Marceline's surprise.

"R-R-Really?"

"Sure, I mean, it'd certainly be the smart thing to do. You're much less maintenance than Charlie, and in a weird way we are kind of perfect for each other. And if I went with you I'd never have to worry about hotels, or asshole sinners, or Lucifer ever again. I could just be in a relationship, which is all I've ever really wanted. Yup, being with you would be _so_ much easier for me."

"But if being in love was easy, it wouldn't be worth doing." The Vampire Queen said, finishing the other's train of thought.

"Exactly." Vaggie replied, smiling warmly. "Look, Marceline, last night was something special, and I really do like you, but I'm in love with Charlie and I always will be. So even if it's the harder path. Even if she hates me for this and Lucifer chains me to a mountain and then buries it under a different mountain, I will never stop trying to make things right between us."

"And people think I'm the romantic one." Marceline said jokingly. "I get it. I used to feel that way about Bonnie. Hell, maybe I still do. Maybe Charlie was right. Maybe I was just so hurt after she rejected me that I've been forcing myself to fall in love with other people so I wouldn't have to think about it. Maybe…

"Maybe you say maybe too much." The Fallen Angel interrupted teasingly. "Marceline, I can't tell you what you should do next, but I know that someone with a heart as big as yours deserves to find true love. And you're not gonna find it by hanging around this dump."

"I know, but if it's alright with you, I think I'm gonna stick around a little longer. I'd like to at least try to fix some of the mess I've made."

"I understand. But for right now, just stay out of my way. I have to talk to Charlie and I'd prefer to do it alone. Okay?"

"Okay."

And with that, Vaggie climbed out of bed and made her way towards the door. But before she could get too far, Marceline called to her.

"Wait." She said, before her cheeks started to burn again. "Can I… Can I ask you something, real quick?"

"Sure, what's up?"

"It's just… If things had been different, I mean, if you'd met me first, somehow, and you never knew Charlie, do you think…"

"Oh, we'd definitely be married by now." Vaggie interrupted, apparently sensing where the Vampire Queen was going with this. "And I would consider it an honor to be Mrs. Priscilla Pussycat."

As if to emphasize her point, the Fallen Angel walked back over to gently boop Marceline on the nose, before confidently strolling out the door.

Once she was alone, Marceline let out a long, dreamy sigh and said,

"What a woman~"

But alas, the moment was ruined when Vaggie returned a few seconds later; looking much less confident, with her right arm covering her breasts and her left one covering her crotch.

"Have you seen my clothes?"

**End Notes:**

Thanks for reading.

Peace.


	21. Ch21: A Happy Ending?

Before we begin, I'd just like to apologize for the lateness of this new chapter. They've got me on a new schedule at work and it's got my inner sense of time all mixed up. Also, I've recently become reacquainted with a certain Canadian Animated Sitcom from my youth and the binge watching has left me quite distracted. With that said, Adventure Time is the property of Cartoon Network and Hazbin Hotel is the creation of Vivienne M. Medrano aka Vivziepop. Blah. Blah. Blah. Enjoy.

Chapter 21: A Happy Ending?

After about eleven minutes of searching, Vaggie finally managed to find her clothes. They still reeked of the events of the previous night, but at the moment that was the least of her problems. She needed to talk to Charlie right away and tell her what happened. Sure, the Demon Princess probably wouldn't take this news well, but it would be even worse if she heard it from someone else. No, she had to do this herself and in person; no matter how big a scene it caused.

With her mind made up, the Fallen Angel searched high and low for her beloved, but couldn't find her anywhere. She wasn't in the penthouse, or the kitchen, or any other place you might expect her to be. For a moment or two, Vaggie was starting to get worried. However these thoughts were quickly derailed when she stepped into the Main Lobby and found herself in the middle of a disaster area.

Furniture was knocked over. Paintings were askew. Wine bottles and beer cans were everywhere. The whole room looked like a fucking frat house.

"What the fuck happened?" she asked aloud, not expecting anyone to answer.

"Blitz happened." Replied an all too familiar voice from somewhere close by.

Vaggie slowly turned her head and, sure enough, there was Charlie; sporting a pair of rubber gloves and holding a large trash bag.

"Ch-Charlie." The Fallen Angel managed to choke out nervously. "Hey."

"Hey" the Demon Princess responded, sounding just as uneasy.

"So… you're looking well."

"Thanks… you too."

What followed was an awkward silence that seemed to drag on forever, but fortunately Vaggie eventually plucked up the courage to break it.

"So… Blitz did all this?" she asked in an attempt to break the ice.

"Sort of. Apparently the judge declared a mistrial in that lawsuit against him, so the case was thrown out. Blitz was so happy when he came home that he started raiding the liquor cabinet. Next thing I knew, everyone else was getting in on it. And when I gently reminded them about the two drink limit, they all called me a buzzkill and took their party on the road. I'll be surprised if any of them come back before next week. _Sigh_."

"Jesus. Well, where are Husk and Niffty?"

"Niffty had a panic attack when she saw this mess, so I sent her back to her room to recover. And when I asked Husk to help he reminded me that this was not part of his job and went down to the race track. I tried to get Alastor to use his powers to clean this up, but I can't find him anywhere. So, yeah, it's been a pretty awful morning."

"I'm so sorry."

"No, I'm the one who should be sorry." The Demon Princess admitted shamefully. "Vaggie, I never should've fired you. Or put us on break. Or thrown you out of the penthouse. I'm the worst girlfriend in the universe."

"What, no, Charlie, don't say that."

"Why not, it's true. I've been acting like a spoiled brat this whole time. You've been sacrificing all of your dreams just to help make mine come true. You stood by me when no one else would and I threw you away just for speaking your mind. Helsa was right, I am self-centered."

"No you're not. You're trying to help these ungrateful fucks get into Heaven. That's as far away from selfish as you can get."

"Yeah, but I neglected the one person I should've cared about, and you gave up Heaven for me." Charlie said remorsefully. "I mean, it's not like I ever forgot that, but I guess I never really appreciated what that meant. At least not until I read this."

The Demon Princess reached into her back pocket and pulled out a fistful of crumpled papers; which Vaggie somehow recognized automatically.

"My poem?"

"Yeah, I found it on your desk when I was putting Niffty to bed. It's beautiful."

"Really? You like it?"

"I do. I had no idea you could be so artistic. And more importantly, it made me realize that maybe I haven't always been the kind of girlfriend you deserve."

"Charlie, no…"

"Let me finish." The Demon Princess said insistently. "Vaggie, I… someone put this idea in my head that maybe the reason my Dad likes you so much is because you're just like him. And when I heard you call my ideas stupid I started to think that it might be true, but I should've known better. I mean, come on, I know you. I know that underneath that gruff exterior is a sweet, sensitive girl who just wants to feel loved, and I… I took you for granted."

"Charlie, stop…"

"But I'm only trying to apologize for being such a terrible…"

"I've been spying on you for your dad!" the Fallen Angel cut her off, unable to stand anymore of her self-degradation.

"W-What?" Charlie stuttered; clearly thrown off by this sudden confession.

"I… I've been sending him reports almost every week. To let him know how you're doing and… how close you are to giving up." Vaggie admitted, feeling totally ashamed of herself. "At first I only said yes because it seemed like the only way he'd let us open the Hotel. But then… I don't know, he made me feel like I had to do it because it was the only way to keep you safe. And now he's saying that if I don't get you to quit and go back home before the next Cleansing he'll never let me see you again. He wants _me_ to be the next Queen of Hell!"

Just then, Vaggie felt her beloved Princess place a hand on her shoulder.

"It's okay, I know what he can be like." She said sympathetically. "I spent pretty much my whole life letting him manipulate me, but you gave me the courage to stand up to him. And if we pull together we can do it again. I won't let him separate up, or shut down this Hotel."

For a brief moment, the Fallen Angel felt a great sense of relief. Although it seemed an impossible task, Charlie's words somehow made her feel like they could pull it off.

That is, until she remembered the other little thing she needed to discuss.

"Charlie, there's… something else I need to tell you." She admitted, looking down to avoid making eye contact. "And you're _really_ not gonna like it."

"It's okay, Vaggie. Whatever it is, I know we can work through it."

"I had sex with Marceline last night."

And just like that, all of Hell seemed to freeze.

Charlie didn't stutter, stammer, gasp or even flinch. She just stared back at Vaggie with wide, unblinking eyes; her expression totally unreadable.

"You… what?" she asked in a tone that made the Fallen Angel feel two inches tall.

"I… had sex with Marceline… last night."

"You had sex with Marceline last night." The Demon Princess repeated, still using that unnervingly even tone. "_Why_?"

"I… I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I mean it's hard to explain why I did it."

"Did my Dad order you to do it?"

"No, he doesn't know anything about this."

"Did she come on to you?"

"Not exactly."

"So you're saying Marcy forced herself on you?"

"No! Of course not! Actually, it was… sort of… my idea."

"So what then? Were you mad at me? Were you trying to get back at me for firing you?"

"No! I would never do that!"

"Then why did you have sex with Marcy?"

"Because she felt sorry for me." A new but familiar voice suddenly spoke up; instantly earning everyone's attention.

The two of them turned their heads and, to their mutual surprise, they saw Marceline standing just a few feet away; looking slightly less pitiful than the Fallen Angel felt.

"Marceline?" Vaggie said in mild disbelief.

"Yeah, it's me." The Vampire Queen answered. "I know you told me to stay out of this, but I wanted to make sure everything went okay, and well… it didn't. So I'm stepping in."

"Marcy, I don't really understand what's going on right now, but…"

"Shut up, Charlie." She cut the Demon Princess off abruptly. "Both of you just shut up and let me have my say."

Naturally, Vaggie was worried. The situation was already less than ideal, and Marceline had a bad habit of making things worse when trying to help. And yet for some strange reason, she felt compelled to let the Vampire Queen have the floor.

"_Sigh_. Look, I know you're both confused and upset right now, but don't take it out on each other. Take it out on me." Marceline said boldly, before turning to face the Demon Princess directly. "Charlie, you were right about me all along. I was never really in love with you. I just convinced myself that I was because I was afraid of being alone. So afraid that I kept going after you even after I found out you had a girlfriend. And I just… I fucked everything up."

The Vampire Queen paused for a moment to compose herself before she continued.

"I destroyed a relationship. I turned you into a zombie with all my lies. I got Angel Dust fired and cost him his protection. And when the weight of all that finally hit me last night I started crying like a little baby. That's when Vaggie showed up. She was just trying to comfort me and it got out of hand. But it didn't mean anything. You're the one she loves. You're the one she belongs with. And me, I'm just a selfish bitch who almost ruined everything."

She paused yet again, before turning to face Vaggie.

"But don't worry. I know I said I was gonna stick around awhile, but now I think the best way I can help is to just leave before I do anymore damage. I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused and I promise I'll never bother either of you ever again. Goodbye."

Then without another word, she turned away from them and slowly floated towards the front door. Within moments, Marceline would be out of their lives forever, which is exactly what she'd been praying for all these months.

And yet for some strange reason, Vaggie just couldn't accept this.

She just couldn't let Marceline leave.

Not like this.

So, without even thinking, Vaggie rushed after the Vampire Queen to give her a hug; shocking everyone else in the room.

"Vaggie, wh-what are you doing?" Marceline asked confusedly.

"I don't know, I just… I don't want you to go. Not like this."

"But I'm trying to help you fix everything."

"I know that, and I think it's sweet, but how am I supposed to fix things if I know you're out there feeling sorry for yourself. So come on, stay. We can start over. As friends this time. Think of it as your second chance."

"I don't deserve a second chance."

"I know, but you're getting one anyway. So please don't go."

Just then, a strange twinkle flashed in Marceline's eye, and a half smile spread across her lips.

"Well, alright. If it will make _you_ happy. I guess I can stick around a little longer." She said teasingly, before returning the Fallen Angel's hug.

Suddenly, this touching moment was interrupted by a vigorous round of applause. Charlie, who was still standing right where they'd left her, was clapping her hands like mad as tears of joy ran down her smiling face.

"_Bravo_!" the Demon Princess proclaimed joyfully. "This is exactly what I've been looking for."

"What is?" Vaggie asked confusedly.

"_This_! Forgiveness. Reconciliation. People learning to put others before themselves. People making friends with people they used to hate. This is what I've been waiting for. This is what the Happy Hotel is supposed to be about. This validates everything I've been trying to do."

"So… you're not mad that I slept with another woman?"

"Oh Honey, of course I am, but we can work through that later. Right now, I'm so proud of you two I could just… Oh, what the Hell, come here you goofballs."

And with that, Charlie pulled the two of them into one of her famously inescapable hugs.

For a moment, it seemed as though all was finally well again. She and Marceline were friends now. She and Charlie were essentially back together again, pending a lengthy and unpleasant discussion about last night. And none of the stupid, asshole guests were around to ruin the moment.

Everything was perfect.

Until…

"_Well, isn't this a lovely sight_." Said Alastor as he casually stepped out of the shadows. "_And to think I almost missed this_."

Then the Radio Demon snapped his fingers and instantly the lobby was transformed into an eerie facsimile of a gothic wedding chapel. Likewise, everyone's outfits, minus Charlie's, were changed to fit the venue. Marceline now wore a jet black tuxedo, while Vaggie sported an ivory white wedding dress.

Alastor, now dressed in the garb of a Catholic priest, smirked maliciously as he walked over, false holy book in hand, and said,

"_So, shall we begin?_"

**End Notes: **

Again, so sorry for how late this is.

Thanks for reading and I'll see you in the next one.

Peace.


	22. Ch22: The Happy Couple

Super sorry for the delay, the last couple of days have been weird for me. Anyway, Adventure Time is the property of Cartoon Network and Hazbin Hotel is the creation of Vivienne M. Medrano aka Vivziepop. Blah, Blah, Blah. Enjoy.

Chapter 22: The Happy Couple

A cold chill fell over the lobby as Alastor sauntered over in his blasphemous costume; his signature shit eating grin as wide and toothy as ever.

Naturally, Vaggie was on high alert. The Radio Demon was well known and feared for his unpredictability, but all of this, turning the lobby into a chapel and dressing up her and Marceline as a bride and groom, was bizarre even by his standards. There was no telling what sort of sick and twisted game he'd concocted this time, but just to be on the safe side, the Fallen Angel put herself in front of Charlie to act as a human shield.

"What do you want, Alastor?" she asked, glaring daggers at the smiling Overlord.

"_What do I want? Why, nothing more than to share in this momentous occasion. To be a part of this blessed event. To revel in this monumental…_"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"_Why, your wedding of course._" Alastor said matter-of-factly. "_The blessed union between you, Lady Vagatha of Paradise and Her Royal Highness, Queen Marceline of the Vampires. Oh, I haven't seen an event like this since the wedding of King Edward._"

"Queen of the what?" Charlie asked confusedly.

"Ignore him, Charlie. He's just trying to cause trouble again." Marceline answered, before shifting her focus back on the Radio Demon. "And _you_. I'm done letting you manipulate me. So if you wanna kill me for spoiling all your fun then go ahead, but I'm not gonna live in fear anymore."

"You touch one hair on her head and I'll shove _this_ straight up your dickhole!" Vaggie chimed in, brandishing her trusty spear, which she materialized out of thin air.

But alas, Alastor was not intimidated.

In fact, he seemed to find the whole scene quite amusing.

"_Ah-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha. Oh, Miss Vagatha, you and your dry wit._" He said teasingly. "_Why on Earth would I ever want to hurt your darling groom? Especially on your wedding day._"

"Will you stop that!" the Fallen Angel shouted in cold frustration. "I don't know what your game is, but it's not gonna work. Charlie already knows that what happened last night was just a onetime thing. Marceline and I are _**not**_ getting married."

"_Oh you silly goose. Of course you're not getting married. You already are_."

Once again, time seemed to come to a grinding halt.

"Uh… what?"

"_You and Miss Marceline are married. Did I not make that clear? I performed the ceremony myself last night_."

"Don't give me that shit!" the Vampire Queen barked venomously. "All we did last night was make love and fall asleep in each other's arms. There was no wedding."

"_Perhaps a visual aid is in order_." the smiling man said before snapping his fingers.

Suddenly, Vaggie felt some sort of strange, invisible force takeover her body, forcing her to raise her left hand. The same thing must've happened to Marceline, for she held her hand up as well.

"_Now then, you see those lovely little bands you're both wearing_." Alastor said, directing everyone's attention to their respective ring fingers. "_Those are called Soulmaters, and as the name implies, they are used to bind the souls of whomever is wearing them. Usually for the purposes of a Dark Wedding. Like the one you two had last night_."

"We didn't have a wedding, you psycho! We just had sex!" Vaggie shouted angrily; now free from the Radio Demon's influence.

"_My dear, a Dark Wedding isn't your garden variety marriage ceremony. It is an ancient ritual. Only slightly younger than the Garden of Eden. And all that is required is for two people to bond their souls and consummate the union by making love. At night, during a thunderstorm, in a Satanic Temple. And the deed must be witnessed and blessed by a Dark Priest. That's me._"

"You were watching us have sex?" Marceline asked furiously; her cheeks burning.

"_Yes, but I assure you it was purely in a professional capacity. I derive no pleasure from that sort of thing._"

"Wait a minute!" Vaggie interjected. "We didn't sleep together in a Temple. We were in a Hotel room last night. Your story doesn't hold up."

"_My dear, the word 'temple' has many meanings. In ancient times, it revered to any structure a god or higher being called home. And as you may recall, Lucifer used to live in this very hotel. So in a sense, this is a Satanic Temple. Which means~_"

"Which means… Oh my _God_!" the Fallen Angel exclaimed as the reality of her situation fully sank in. "We're _married_! _You_ married _us_! _Against our will_! Why the fuck would you do this?"

"_I have my reasons_." The Radio Demon said plainly. "_The biggest one being that I thought it might be fun._"

"Yeah, well whatever! We'll just have it annulled. It's super easy down here."

"_Ooo… Sorry, Dearie, but it's not that simple. A Dark Wedding isn't something you can just erase with some legal mumbo jumbo. You're souls are linked, now and forever. Miss Marceline is quite literally your soulmate. Your one true love._"

"That's the stupidest thing I ever heard! I don't love Charlie!"

An awkward silence fell over the room.

What did she just say?

"Uh… I meant Marceline. Obviously. Marceline. _Marceline_. I love Marceline."

Vaggie placed a hand over her mouth as she gasped in disbelief.

"What the _fuck_ is going on here?"

"_I'll field that one._" The Radio Demon said cheerfully. "_It's like I said, Darling. Your souls are linked now. You understand each other in the most intimate way possible. After that, no other relationship will ever satisfy you. Your hearts already know that, but it'll take your brains a little while to catch up. Call it a delayed reaction. Give it a few weeks. Two months tops. And you'll 've forgotten all about Miss Charlotte._"

"You're lying!"

"_I'm really not_."

"Then you're full of shit! I love Marce-_God Damnit_! I love Charlie! And I don't care what your stupid fucked up ritual did to my brain! She's the only girl for me!"

"_Is that right?_"

"Yeah, that's right!"

"_Well then, let's put your theory to the test_."

With a snap of his fingers, Alastor materialized two spinning buzz saw blades, which floated in midair just above his shoulders. Then, with a flick of his wrist, the Radio Demon shot the whirling blades in different directions; one at Charlie and one at Marceline.

With only seconds to react, the Fallen Angel sprang into action. She dove headfirst into her beloved and pushed her to the ground; the spinning sawblade just barely missing them both.

"Are you okay, Pussycat?" Vaggie asked her precious Vampire Queen concernedly.

"Yeah, I'm okay." Marceline answered, sounding a little dazed.

"Oh thank God. I don't know what I'd do if anything ever happened to my precious widdle-_What the hell am I saying_?"

Suddenly regaining her senses, Vaggie shot up like a toaster pastry and looked around for Charlie. As luck would have it, the Demon Princess was standing a few feet away, with a gash in her left side and tears running down her cheeks; presumably from the pain.

She hoped.

"Charlie, I… I can explain. I wasn't thinking. My body was just running on autopilot. I still love you… I think."

She had no idea why she'd added that last part, but it did nothing to improve her mood. If anything, it seemed to make things worse.

Seconds later, the wound in Charlie's side healed, but the tears did not stop flowing. Suddenly her eyes turned a hellish red and her horns began to show. She was going into her full demonic form.

Not good.

For a second, Vaggie was afraid the Demon Princess wound attack her and Marceline, but those fears were soon put to rest when Charlie turned away from them and marched straight toward Alastor.

"Undo this now!" she roared furiously.

"_Sorry, doll. I can't_." he replied casually.

"I wasn't asking!"

"_And apparently you're not listening either. I didn't say 'I won't', I said 'I can't'. As in, I don't know how. Soul bonding is powerful magic. I wouldn't even know where to begin_."

"Then who would?"

"_How should I know? Why don't you ask your father? This was all his idea._"

"_What_? My Dad made you do this? Why?"

A very good question, Vaggie thought. After all, Lucifer had been most insistent that she and Charlie wed. Hell, it was practically an obsession for him. So why would he have enlisted Alastor in marrying her off to someone else? It just didn't make any sense.

Unless…

"Oh my God…" the Fallen Angel murmured in horror as the grim reality of her situation dawned on her. "This was his plan all along."

"What are you talking about?" Marceline asked concernedly.

"Yeah, what plan?" asked Charlie, sounding just as worried, if not more so.

"This is what Lucifer wanted from the start. He never wanted me to be Queen. He only said that because he knew it would upset me. To make me lose my focus when I slipped the ring on Marceline's finger. He wanted us to have sex so Alastor could perform the Dark Wedding Ceremony."

"But that doesn't make any sense." The Demon Princess replied. "He wants us to be together more than anyone. Why would he force you to fall in love with someone else?"

"Because that's the only way he can make you give up on the Hotel." The Fallen Angel clarified. "He knows your love for me is just as strong as your conviction to your redemption plan. So he's forced you into a no-win scenario. Either you grovel to him to make him undo the spell and give up on your dream forever, or you keep the Hotel and lose me forever. _Ugh_! This is just the sort of twisted thing he would do."

Still sitting close beside her, Vaggie heard Marceline gulp. She could practically sense what the Vampire Queen must've been thinking.

How could anyone do such a thing to their own daughter?

"_Ugh_! This is just _so_ classic him!" Charlie barked in frustration. "Well I'm not gonna let him get away with this! He's not gonna manipulate me this time! We don't need him or any of his shady deals! We'll figure out someway to undo this ourselves!"

"_What a charming notion_." The Radio Demon commented. "_But whatever you do, you'd better do it fast. The Next Cleansing is close at hand, and Miss Marceline's time in our reality is coming to an end. And now that she and Miss Vagatha's souls are linked, so are their fates. Which means that when Miss Marceline leaves Hell, Miss Vagatha must go with her. And since the rules forbid the former from ever returning, the latter is likewise forever banished. Or in other words…_"

"If we can't undo this spell, Charlie and I will never see each other again." Vaggie said, finishing his train of thought. "Oh my God! What are we gonna do?"

The Fallen Angel was on the verge of having a full-scale panic attack, but luckily her beloved Vampire Queen was there to comfort her with the silent but sympathetic gesture of placing an arm around her shoulder.

Unfortunately, this moment was spoiled when her equally beloved Demon Princess asked them something that made their blood run cold.

"What are you guys talking about?" she asked with a hint of worry in her voice. "What do you mean we'll never see each other again? And what's all this stuff about you having to leave Hell? And why did he call Marcy Queen of the Vampires? Vaggie, what the fuck is going on?"

Naturally, Vaggie was at a loss for words. She didn't know what, if anything, she was supposed to say in a situation like this. However, Marceline took the lead on this one.

"Well…" she said awkwardly, scratching the back of her head and sweating like a sinner in church. "It's kind of a long story."

**End Notes:**

Again, sorry for the delay. It's been a weird couple of days.

With that said, thanks for reading and I'll see you in the next one.

Peace.


	23. Ch23: The Scream of Uranus

Only three chapters left and then I'm throwing myself back into Yin-Yang. Anyway, Adventure Time is the property of Cartoon Network and Hazbin Hotel is the creation of Vivienne M. Medrano aka Vivziepop. Yadda. Yadda. Yadda. Enjoy.

Chapter 23: The Scream of Uranus

Deep within the imposing and luminescent walls of Lucifer's infamous Palace of Light, the Queen of Hell, the lovely and equally infamous Lilith of Eden, was sitting in her favorite chair in a secluded parlor, quietly reading a trashy romance novel she'd confiscated from one of the chambermaids.

All was right with the world.

Until…

"Guess who~" a familiar voice singsonged as a pair of hands obstructed her view.

"Go away." She replied flatly; in no mood for her husband's foolishness.

"Oh come on. Don't I at least get an A for effort?" Lucifer asked; half joking, half whining.

But again, Lilith was in no mood for such nonsense, so instead of answering, she just passively shooed his hands away and went back to her reading.

"Now see here, enough is enough." The King of Hell said childishly. "Lilith, for Heaven's sake we're married, we live in the same house, you can't stay mad at me forever."

"Sure I can, it's one of the perks of being immortal."

"But Darling, please, I'm an Angel. I need your love to sustain me in this putrid shit heap. Without it my body and soul will start to rot."

"Now you're just blowing smoke."

"Okay, so I exaggerate, but I still can't live without your love. Come on, give me something. A peck on the cheek. A little baby talk. A wink. Anything to let me know you still care. What do you say?"

"Fuck off."

"But Lilith…"

"Don't you 'But Lilith' me!" the Succubus spat venomously. "You let our daughter go down _there_ to live with the scum of humanity! You let that horrible woman humiliate her on live television! You let her go into business with the Radio Demon! And now because of you, my precious baby could be married to a _street performer_!"

"Darling, I promise that will never happen. I have a plan in motion that will…"

"To Hell with you and your stupid plans! It's because of them that our daughter is throwing away her future! _Ugh_! I don't even know why I bother. Just get out of my sight!"

"But Precious…"

"I said get out! And don't come back without Charlie!"

And that probably would have been the end of it, had the door on the far side of the room not suddenly been blown straight into the opposite wall by an enormous stream of fire. When the blaze finally died down, all that remained of the door was a pile of ash. Seconds later, a bloodcurdling roar echoed down the hall.

"_**DAAAADDDDY**__!_"

Suddenly, a tall, thin, skeletal creature emerged from the open archway. A horrifying abomination with long boney talons, leathery bat wings, horns like an antelope, teeth like a shark and eyes the color of blood. The sight of which made Lilith's heart swell with joy.

"Charlie, my baby!" the Queen squealed with elation. "You're home at last!"

"Wow, that was quick." Her husband muttered confusedly, but she paid him no mind.

Instead she rushed over to embrace her beloved daughter in an escapable hug, but alas the younger demon had other plans. She pushed past her mother and flew straight for her father; easily towering over him by at least two feet. She opened her extra wide mouth to let out a deafening roar, however neither of her parents were intimidated.

"Is something the matter, Sweetheart?" Lilith asked concernedly.

"Yes, Pumpkin, what has you so upset?" Lucifer asked innocently.

"_**YOU BASTARD!**_" the Monster-Charlie roared furiously. "_**YOU LYING, SELFISH, MATCHMAKING MOTHERFUCKER!**_"

"Inside voices, please." The King of Hell said, calm yet sternly.

The Demon Princess rolled her eyes, but complied. Within seconds she shrank down to her standard adorable form; all the while fixing her father with the most venomous glare she could muster.

"Much better." Lucifer said casually. "Now then, Pumpkin, what seems to be the trouble?"

"You tricked my girlfriend into marrying someone else!" Charlie snapped at him while pointing an accusatory finger.

Needless to say, Lilith was at a loss for words; both because of the accusation and because of the ferocity with which it was delivered. The Queen was about to chime in to try and get some answers, when a familiar pair of figures came through the door behind her. It was her supposedly future daughter-in-law Vaggie and the bat demon Marceline who had been the cause of all their recent troubles. Unsurprisingly, the two of them still had their respective wings out; which made sense, since they were on the top floor of tower and likely had to fly to get there. But what was a surprise, at least from her perspective, was the fact that they were holding hands.

Something very strange was going on here.

"Darling, I'm sorry you're upset, but I swear, I don't know what you're talking about." Lucifer said casually.

"Don't give me that crap!" Charlie spat back furiously. "Your little toady already told us the whole story! Your deal with Katie Killjoy. The Dark Wedding. Everything."

"_**That little weasel!**_" the Dark King exploded suddenly. "I'll have his teeth for a necklace for this! Uh… I mean, what are you talking about?"

Despite the 'sincerity' in his toothy grin, it was clear to everyone, especially Lilith, that Lucifer was lying through his teeth; and quite poorly at that.

"What did you do?" the Queen asked; crossing her arms disapprovingly.

"Uh… nothing." Her husband answered; starting to sweat a little.

"You wanna know what he did? I'll tell you what he did!" her daughter said caustically. "_Your_ husband tricked _my_ girlfriend into having sex with another woman. Then he paid someone to perform a Dark Wedding Ritual to make them fall in love. All so he could blackmail me into giving up the Hotel!"

"What! _**Blackmail**_!" the Dark King shouted, sounding deeply offended by the accusation. "Is that what that little twerp told you? That son of a bitch. What does he think I am, some common thug?"

"You are not allowed to have hurt feelings right now, Daddy!" Charlie exploded. "Now you undo it before I really lose my temper!"

"Undo what?"

"Don't play dumb! Alastor said you'd know how to nullify the Wedding, so just do it so Vaggie will love me again!"

"Alastor? How the fuck does he know anything about this?"

"Because you hired him!"

"No I didn't!"

"Both of you, stop yelling!" Lilith shouted in exasperation, before turning her attention directly on her husband. "Now _you_ start explaining."

"_Sigh_. Okay. Okay. I admit it. I set Vaggie up so she'd end up in a Dark Wedding with Marceline. But I didn't do it for something as bland as blackmail. And I _definitely_ didn't enlist the help of that pinstriped screwball."

"You… You didn't?" Charlie asked confusedly.

"Of course not. As if I would ever trust something this important to that sicko. I just bribed one of your guests. The annoying one. What was his name again? Binky? Blinko?"

"_Blitz_?" the Demon Princess corrected him; if only out of pure shock. "He's responsible for all this?"

"Yeah, turns out he had himself ordained as a Satanic Priest a few years back. I still had one of his old business cards, so I called him up and offered to make all his legal problems go away if he did this one little thing for me. Son of a bitch didn't hesitate for a second."

"But… then why did Alastor say he was the one who did it?"

"I don't know. Why does that freak do anything he does?"

"_Ugh!_ Okay, fine! But if you weren't trying to blackmail me, then what the fuck was all this for?"

"Yes, Darling, I'm quite curious about that myself." The Queen said, still glaring daggers at him.

Apparently sensing that he was cornered, Lucifer let out a frustrated groan and relented.

"Fine, you wanna know the truth, I'll tell you. The point of this little endeavor was to make you think you'd driven Vaggie into Marceline's arms yourself. Yes, I orchestrated things so they'd end up trapped in a Dark Wedding, but none of you were supposed to know that. They were supposed to think they'd fallen in love by themselves, and you were supposed to think you'd pushed them together with your selfishness and neglect. The point was to break your heart."

"You're saying that like it's better! How is _that_ better?"

"It's better, Pumpkin, because in my version you're mad at them instead of me. It's better because you would've finally grown the fuck up. It's better because you would've learned how it feels to drive away the person you love most and live for eternity knowing there's nothing you can ever do to fix it! It's _**better**_ because then you'd finally know what it feels like to be me!"

The walls rattled at the sound of Lucifer's mighty roar. So much so that the King of Hell had to pause for a moment to compose himself before he continued.

"But… I suppose we don't always get what we want. Or deserve. Such is life."

"Such is life? _**Such is life**_!" Charlie screamed at the top of her voice. "You tried to destroy my relationship with the most wonderful person I've ever met and all you can say is 'such is life'? How can you be so callous?"

"I'm callous? _I'm_ callous? I'm not the one who kicked my one true love to curb for speaking her mind. I mean come on! Do you have any idea what a rare and precious commodity true love is? Hell, If you're lucky enough to find even a tiny scrap of it in this putrid, stinking universe you need to hold onto it as tightly as you can, otherwise it'll slip right through your fingers. But did you hold onto it? Did you appreciate it? No. You took it for granted. Just like you do everything else."

"Whatever, Daddy!" the Demon Princess spat venomously. "But your plan didn't work, so just annul the wedding and we'll get out of your hair!"

"Ooo… so sorry, Pumpkin, but it's not that simple." Lucifer replied; his tone snide but sincere. "I don't know how Alastor found out about my scheme, or why he chose to stick his nose into it, but it appears he intends to screw us both. You see, there is no way to annul the wedding. Once two souls have been bonded, there's no way to break them apart; not without erasing them from existence."

"You mean…"

"That's right, sweetheart. I hate to say it, but it looks like we both lose this one."

"_No_…" the Demon Princess said as her emotions seemed to finally overwhelm her; causing her to fall to her knees in tears.

Naturally, this provoked a response from Vaggie. The Fallen Angel snarled animalistically and tried to lunge at the smirking King, only to be held back by her new bride.

"Ah, Kiddo, there you are." Lucifer said elatedly upon finally noticing her. "Sorry for not addressing you earlier, but you know how distracting family can be. And speaking of which, this must be your lovely new bride. A pleasure to finally meet you, my dear."

"Fuck off!" Marceline shouted, before putting herself in front of Vaggie like a human shield.

"My, my, such hostility." The Dark King said amusedly. "I don't know what you two are so upset about. After all, I did you both a tremendous favor."

"A _favor_?" Vaggie spoke up angrily. "How can you call any of this a favor?"

"Oh don't act so innocent, Kiddo. Sure, I can tempt and manipulate, but at the end of the day I can't make anyone do anything they don't want to. You chose to have sex with Marceline because deep down you weren't satisfied in your relationship with Charlie. You want to be with someone who is as devoted to you as you are to them, and you know that Charlie will always put the simpering, ungrateful wretches of Hell before the people who truly love her. Admit it, a part of you is relieved to finally be free of your feelings for her."

Vaggie admitted nothing, but her somber expression said a thousand words.

"That's what I thought." Lucifer said smugly. "Oh, but don't feel sad. Think of this as a reward for all your years of faithful service. Finally you'll be with someone who will truly appreciate you. And besides, it's not like you'll have to move out right away. You've plenty of time to set your affairs in order."

Again, the two of them said nothing, but their faces told him everything.

"Oh my." The Dark King said with cruel amusement. "She knows doesn't she? You told her the truth?"

"We had no choice." Marceline admitted shamefully. "Alastor told her most of it. He pretty much backed us into a corner."

"I see." He replied, pausing briefly to chuckle to himself. "And people think I'm the height of cruelty. I was willing to let this thing be a slow burn. Let you kids run out the clock until the next Cleansing. But old Alastor pushed up your deadline to 24 hours. And he even got you to waste a good chunk of it coming up here to yell at me. _Heh-Heh-Heh_. You know, I almost can't stay mad at him. What an artist."

"So that's it?" asked Vaggie distraughtly. "After all this it's just so long, good luck?"

"I don't remember saying good luck."

"You know what, fuck you!" Marceline shouted furiously. "You're just a selfish piece of shit! No wonder God doesn't want you!"

Lucifer's left eye began to twitch. A split-second later, he plunged his hand straight into the Bat Demon's chest and presumably crushed her heart into a bloody pulp. Then, after pulling his hand back out, Marceline fell limply to the floor.

"_Marceline_!" Vaggie exclaimed, cradling her wounded love in her arms. "Are you alright, Pussycat?"

The bat demon just coughed up some blood in response. She was still alive, obviously, but undoubtedly in a lot of pain.

"It's okay, I've got you, Sweetie." The Fallen Angel said soothingly as she stroked her beloved's hair.

"I think we're through here." Lucifer said dismissively. "Kiddo, it's been a pleasure. Blah. Blah. Blah. You know the way out."

And with that, the Dark King turned away from his two victims, presumably thinking that the matter was closed forever. But alas this would not be the case. For almost immediately, he found himself standing face-to-face, more or less, with his daughter; her own face now hidden behind her seemingly damp hair.

"Something you wanna add, Pumpk_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH_!"

With almost imperceptible speed, the Demon Princess grabbed a hold of her father's crotch with her right hand and squeezed it like one of those foam stress balls.

"Uh-_**AHH**_! Sweethe_**AAA**_rt, what are you _**doing**_?"

At first, Charlie said nothing; she just continued to squeeze Lucifer's junk like a vice. But then her hair parted, which allowed both him and Lilith to see her face; eyes as black as pitch and teeth clinched in hate.

"I'm only gonna say this once." She said, her tone calm yet cutting. "Stay away from my friends. Stay away from my Hotel. And stay out of my life_. For good_."

She gave her father another squeeze on that last part for emphasis.

By this point, the Dark King began to sweat a little. Which was understandable, after all, this sort of behavior had never been seen in Charlie before. And his perspiration only grew worse when she raised her other hand and morphed her middle finger into a large, scythe-like blade.

"Now, Uh-wait a min_**AAA**_te, Pumpkin. Let's not be too hasty." Lucifer said nervously, apparently sensing her intensions. "Maybe we can work things ou…"

But the end of that sentence never came. For at that moment, Charlie swung the blade down towards her other hand.

Naturally, Lilith turned away at the last second; unable to watch what was about to happen.

But she heard everything.

She heard the unmistakable sound of metal cleaving through flesh.

Followed by an earsplitting shriek of pain and horror that rattled walls and shattered windows all throughout Hell.

Listen…

"_**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!**_"

**End Notes:**

This was a fun chapter to write.

Anyway, thanks for reading and I'll see you in the next one.

Peace.


	24. Ch24: The Long Goodbye

Adventure Time is the property of Cartoon Network and Hazbin Hotel is the creation of Vivienne M. Medrano aka Vivziepop. With that said, Enjoy.

Chapter 24: The Long Goodbye

By the time everyone got back to the Hotel, Vaggie and Marceline only had about 18 ½ hours left before the powers that be forced them out of Hell and this Universe forever. With that in mind, the Fallen Angel decided, with her wife's full support, that she would spend these final hours alone with Charlie. And while I could easily relate to you how these crazy kids spent their last precious moments together, I believe doing so would be a violation of privacy and would cheapen the sentiment of the occasion. So for their sake, I shall skip ahead to the end.

It was around 10:30 in the morning, and no one had gotten much sleep last night. Charlie and Vaggie had their own personal reasons, of course, but in the case of the Vampire Queen, this bout of insomnia was due to an intense feeling of guilt. Largely because she felt responsible for triggering the chain of events that had led to this sad conclusion, but also because a part of her was actually glad it turned out this was. Now she wouldn't have to return home emptyhanded. Now she could have the wife she'd always wanted without endangering the lives of her friends; even if one of them did betray her without even batting an eye. Yes, things had certainly worked out in Marceline's favor.

And how sick is that?

How could it have come to this?

How, with only love as her guide, had her noble quest become so twisted and warped?

What sort of Higher Power would allow her to achieve such happiness at the expense of someone she'd once sworn to honor and protect?

For a moment, she wondered if Prismo had known this would be the outcome from the start.

Regardless, the time to leave was nearly upon them, only about 22 minutes left to go, and Marceline was waiting by the front desk for her beloved bride to finish saying her goodbyes. Niffty, who had been filled in on the whole ordeal the night before, was sitting close beside her; glaring daggers at her with her one big eye. Which was understandable, she supposed, since the little maniac had put so much time and effort into helping Vaggie get back together with Charlie, only for the former to end up with someone else.

Angel, Crymini and the others were still out partying, and Alastor hadn't been seen since yesterday, so for the time being it was just the two of them.

Talk about awkward.

"Listen, Niffty." The Vampire Queen said in an attempt to ease some of the tension. "I'm really sor…"

But her apology was abruptly cut off when the smaller demon held up her right index finger; a clear indication of a desire for silence.

"Understand this, I am willing to accept this situation only because I know there's nothing I can do to change it. But that doesn't mean I have to like it. So I don't want to hear any of your token apologies." Niffty said in an unsettlingly placid tone. "Now, you seem to make my sweet little Vaggie-Poo very happy, so for her sake I'll support this relationship. But just so you know, if you ever do anything to hurt my precious Angel Baby, I will sense it. And I will find you. And I will _**squish**_ you."

Despite the obvious difference in size and power, as well as the fact that traveling between multiverses was next to impossible without permission, Marceline had spent enough time in Hell to be wary of the one-eyed demon's threat. So, just to be on the safe side…

"I understand. And I promise, I'll take good care of Vaggie. After all, she's my little Baby Doll."

Niffty said nothing, but the use of that pet name seemed to calm her down considerably; at least on the outside.

Not long after that, and with still 18 minutes to spare, Charlie and Vaggie entered the lobby; holding hands for what would most likely be the last time. Once again, the Vampire Queen felt an intense surge of guilt mixed with a strange sense of joy in knowing that Vaggie would soon be hers forever. It was all so terribly confusing.

"So… are you guys, uh… okay?" she asked uncomfortably.

"Yeah…" replied Charlie.

"As okay as we'll ever be." Said Vaggie.

"Listen, Charlie, I am so sorr…"

"Marcy, please, don't." the Demon Princess interrupted. "This is sad enough as it is without one last heartfelt apology. Besides, I don't blame you for this. You were just lonely and you wanted to stop when you realized what you were doing was wrong. The only people I blame for this are Alastor and my Dad."

Hearing this made Marceline feel a bit better.

"But, if you really want to make it up to me, then promise me one thing." Charlie continued, sounding much more confident than she probably felt. "Promise me that you'll take good care of Vaggie. I know she acts tough, but she's really sweet and sensitive and she needs a lot of love and attention. But not too much, she doesn't like being smothered. And don't ever call her 'cucaracha'. Trust me, she _**really**_ doesn't like that. I only knew a few words of Spanish when we first started dating, so I didn't know what that word actually meant. It got _**really**_ ugly. Also, she's allergic to pollen, so don't buy her any flowers. Buy her chocolates, she loves those. Oh, and even though she says she isn't into butt stuff…"

"I get the point." The Vampire Queen cut her; both for her own sake and for Vaggie's, who was currently blushing like a schoolgirl in a locker room. "And you have my word. Vaggie will never feel unloved as long as she's with me. Hell, I'm crazy about her. If things were a little different this would be the best day of my life."

"I figured as much. But listen, even if this isn't how you pictured it, I'd count this as a happy ending, for you at least. So don't worry about me and just enjoy your new life with the woman you love. And if you still don't think you deserve her, then work on yourself until you do. That's all I've ever asked of any of my guests."

"I'll do my best." She said, allowing herself to smile a little. "Speaking of guests, what are you gonna tell the others?"

"_Sigh_. I don't know." Charlie admitted. "I might tell them the truth, or I might make up something easier to believe. It all depends on how I feel when they come back… if they come back."

"I'm sure they'll show up sooner or later. All their stuff is here." The Vampire Queen said jokingly, before taking on a more serious tone. "Look, I know he betrayed us for selfish reasons, but try to go easy on Blitz when you see him. Okay? He's not all bad. He's just… a product of his upbringing. I mean, he was born in Hell for Christ's sake."

"So was I, but you don't see me selling out my friends for a fast buck." The Demon Princess replied. "Look, I'm not gonna kill him, if that's what you mean, but other than that I make no promises."

"_Sigh_. I guess that's the best I can hope for." Marceline said somberly. "Only nine minutes left."

"How can you tell?"

"I don't know, I can just… feel it somehow. Must be Prismo's doing, I guess."

"I see… Well, maybe you two should, you know, get together now. So you'll be ready when whatever's supposed to happen happens."

"I guess that makes sense." The Vampire Queen admitted.

And with that, she moved away from the front desk to stand beside her beautiful bride.

"So… I guess this is it." She said as she put an arm around Vaggie's shoulder.

"Yeah, I guess so." The Fallen Angel replied in a bitter-sweet tone.

"So, did you uh… say everything you needed to?"

"Yeah, I think Charlie and I are as good as we're gonna get."

"Good…. Good…." She said awkwardly, before taking notice of her wife's rather small, pinkish-red backpack. "Is that all you're bringing?"

"Uh-huh, I just grabbed a couple of my favorite outfits and a few other things. Figured I'd pack lite for the trip and buy new stuff once I'm settled in."

"Well, then I hope I can persuade you to take something extra." Said a new, vaguely familiar voice from a short distance away.

Everyone quickly spun around and, to their collective astonishment, they saw the Queen of Hell herself, Lilith Magne, standing by the front door; looking ashamed and disheartened.

"Mom? What are you doing here?" Charlie asked confusedly.

"I'm sorry for just barging in unannounced, but I stopped by to give the girls a little going away present, and to offer you, my dear, my most sincerest apology."

"Apology for what? This was all Dad's fault, not yours."

"Not exactly, Darling. You see, your father was willing to wait until you'd worked this latest fad out of your system, no offense, but I was too impatient. I was so desperate to have you back home where it was safe that I cut him off from any form of affection, to try and force him to bring you home. And… well, you've seen the result."

"Oh, Mom. I don't blame you for this." The Demon Princess said sincerely. "You were just worried about me. Dad is… well, he's just an asshole who enjoys watching people suffer, and no sane person would even think about doing what he did, no matter what the circumstances. So don't beat yourself up over this."

"Thank you, Darling. You have no idea how much I needed to hear you say that." Lilith replied warmly. "But listen, I know it may not seem like it, but in his own twisted way, your father really does love you."

"I know that, but I still never want to see him again." Charlie said sternly, before softly adding. "How is he?"

"About as well as can be expected, considering he was castrated by his own daughter." The Queen answered awkwardly. "Right now he's on so much pain medication he probably hasn't even realized I've gone."

"I figured as much. But listen, as long as he's not with you, you're welcome to visit anytime you want. You know, if you want to."

"I'd like that, sweetheart. I'd like that very much." Lilith said with a smile before turning towards the 'happy couple'. "As for you two, there is no apology I can give that would be satisfactory after what my husband put you through, at least not in the short time remaining. So in lieu of one, I wish you both the best of luck in your new life together, and offer you this as a token of my goodwill."

From seemingly out of nowhere, the Queen of Hell produced a small glass beaker full of a mysterious red liquid.

"Uh… thank you, Your Highness." Vaggie said politely as she accepted the strange container. "What is it?"

"It's a special potion I've been preparing for some time. It was supposed to be a wedding present for you and Charlie." Lilith explained. "One mouthful will reverse the gender of whomever drinks it for seventy-two hours. You know, just in case you ever decide you want children."

Vaggie blushed, but thanked the Queen nonetheless; tucking the bottle away in her backpack for safekeeping.

Marceline said nothing, her mind was too fixated on their impeding departure.

Only five minutes left.

Whether she could read it on her face or just sense it, the Vampire Queen wasn't sure, but somehow Charlie seemed to guess what she was thinking and approached the two of them for what would very likely be the last time.

"How much time left?" the Demon Princess asked while attempting to mask the dread in her voice.

"Less than five minutes." Marceline replied solemnly.

"Oh, I see." She said before shifting focus onto Vaggie. "Look, Vaggie, I know we said we weren't gonna have a long, drawn out goodbye, but… I don't know, I just feel like I should say something meaningful before you go."

"Eh, talk is cheap." The Fallen Angel replied. "But if you really wanna do something, then show me how tough you are and don't make a fuss when I go. Okay?"

"Okay." Charlie replied, perking herself up a bit. "But hey, I know it may not seem like it now, but I'd call this a Happily Ever After for you. I mean, you may not have gotten the big wedding you've always wanted, but you'll still get to be the wife of a Queen, and live in a palace, and be a real life Princess. Oh~ It's just like a fairytale~"

Briefly, Marceline considered telling Charlie the truth. That her tittle as Vampire Queen was more of a stage name than anything else, and that she lived alone in a small house in a cave with only a zombie poodle for company. However, a quick sideways glance from her new wife made her reconsider.

Why burden the poor girl with unnecessary facts right now? Afterall, it was a harmless fantasy that would probably help her get through this troubled time. So instead she simply told her,

"I promise you, as long as I'm alive, Vaggie will never want for anything; especially love."

90 seconds left.

"That's all I could ever hope for." The Demon Princess said with a smile. "But hey, before you go, there's one thing I have to know."

"Sure, what is it?"

"Are there _really_ rainbow unicorns where you live?"

"Uh, yeah. I mean, we call them rainicorns. But they're real. Kinda weird though, they all speak Korean for some reason. Never really understood that. But they're cool, I guess."

"_Wow_~"

45 seconds…

"It's almost time, Charlie." Vaggie told her, apparently able to sense it as well. "I guess this is goodbye."

"Oh, Vaggie…"

25 seconds…

"But before I go, I just want you to know, that in spite of everything that's happened, if I had to do it all over again, I would still choose you over Heaven. No question."

12 seconds…

"And even if Alastor wasn't lying, and someday I completely lose all my feelings for you…"

6 seconds…

"I just want you to know that in this moment, right now, I lo…"

And in a flash of glorious golden radiance, they were gone.

**End Notes: **

Only two chapters to go.

Thanks for reading and I'll see you in the next one.

Peace.


	25. Ch25: Titanes Theoi

Here it is folks, the penultimate chapter. Anyway, Adventure Time is the property of Cartoon Network and Hazbin Hotel is the creation of Vivienne M. Medrano aka Vivziepop. Enjoy

Chapter 25: Titanes Theoi

Keeping true to her word, Charlie didn't make a scene when Vaggie left. In fact, she managed to maintain her composure for a good three hours before finally letting her emotions get the better of her. Thankfully, Niffty was there to console her once the floodgates opened. Right now, the little maniac was the only friend she had in the world.

"There, there, sweetie." The smaller demon said as she stroked Charlie's hair soothingly. "It's okay. Everything's okay… somewhere. Not here, obviously. But somewhere in the universe, everything's okay."

Not the best pep talk in the world, but at least she was trying. And anyway, at the moment the Demon Princess was grateful for any kind of sympathy. Her Mother had to return to the Palace after receiving a text from one of the servants about an emergency or something, and the rest of her so-called friends were still out partying. She supposed she could've gone to Razzle and Dazzle for comfort, but right now she needed the support of people who could talk.

Just then, a familiar quintet of demons barged through the front door; each one sporting either a new pair of shades and/or a tacky, presumably overpriced Mardi Gras necklace.

"Sweet Jesus, what a night." Crymini said, obviously nursing a serious hangover. "I can honestly say that was the second longest drinking binge I've ever been on."

"Third longest for me." Said Husk.

"Fifth." Added Angel Dust braggingly.

"_Ugh_, everyone stop shouting." Baxter whined, clearly suffering the most out of everyone.

"Blitzy, I gotta admit, you may be a sleazy, lying, good for nothing hog flogger, but you throw one hell of a party." The spider demon said jovially.

"What can I say? I know how to have a good time." The tall imp man replied, before asking confusedly, "What's a hog flogger?"

Suddenly, the five of them seemed to take notice of Charlie's sobbing and stopped dead in their tracks.

"Oh, shit." Said Angel. "This can't be good."

"You don't think she's still upset about us trashing the lobby, do you?" asked Baxter.

"Nah, that was yesterday." Added Husk dryly. "Even she can't cry about something like that for more than an hour."

"Must be something serious then." The angler demon observed. "I suppose one of us should go over and ask her what's wrong. It's the only decent thing to do. Not it!"

"Not it!"

"Not it!"

"Not it!"

Which left Crymini to bite the bullet.

"_Ugh_! Fine, you big babies." The Irish hellhound said annoyedly before walking over to the Demon Princess and adopting a decidedly more pleasant tone. "Hey Charlie."

"Oh, _sniff-sniff_, hey Crymini." She replied sullenly. "How was your party?"

"It was… okay, I guess. How are you? You doing okay?"

"I'm fine… sort of… not really. But I will be… eventually…"

"Uh-huh… so, you… wanna tell me what's wrong?"

"Not especially. _Sniff. Sniff_."

"Okay… so… is Marcy around? I didn't see her yesterday."

"No, she… she moved out a couple hours ago. She's gone."

"Oh… so, does that mean you're back with Vaggie then?"

"No, Vaggie's gone too."

"Uh-huh… kinda confused now."

"They… they left together. _Sniff_. Because… _Sniff_. _Because they're in love!_"

"_What_?" Crymini exclaimed; nearly falling over from shock.

"Holy shit! Didn't see that one commin'." Angel Dust said amusedly.

"You see, this is why I quit watching soap operas." Husk chimed in dryly. "You miss one episode and you're completely lost."

Ignoring these comments, Charlie tried to recompose herself as best she could.

"Jesus Christ…" the Irish Hellhound said in totally disbelief. "I just… I mean, I had no idea. How did this happen?"

"It's a long story." The Demon Princess replied sadly.

But just then, she caught sight of something that made her blood boil.

Blitz, that sleazy, selfish, conniving bastard, was trying to sneak out the front door.

"And just where do you think you're going?" Charlie asked venomously as she sprang to her feet; her sorrow momentarily forgotten.

"Oh, uh… hey, blondie." The lanky imp man replied; sweating like he was going to the chair. "Listen, it's been a bonkers amount of fun staying here these last few months, it really has. But now that the trial is over and my business is safe, I figured I best be moving along. You know how it is."

But the Demon Princess saw through his cheap attempt to weasel out of this. So, exercising powers she didn't normally use, Charlie pointed at the sleazy devil man, causing a ring of fire to appear around his throat. Then, she used her powers of telekinesis to raise him off the ground by said ring and dragged him right in front of her.

"Huh… this is new." Blitz said, feebly trying to play this off as no big thing. "Could you always do this?"

"I know about the Dark Wedding." Charlie said acidly; her eyes turning a hellish red.

"Dark… Wedding? What is that? Some kind of death metal band? Sorry, not really my genr_**AAAAK**_!"

The imp man's boldfaced lie was cut short when the fiery ring suddenly clinched tight around his throat. He remained like this for several minutes, gasping for air and thrashing around in pain, until finally she released him.

"Lie to me again, and I'll put one around your dick too."

"Okay! Okay! I admit it!" Blitz said in a panic; covering up his crotch with both hands. "Your dad called me the other day and offered to help me with my legal troubles if I did him a little favor. He said all I had to do was hide in an air vent and watch two hot girls fuck while I recite some mumbo jumbo. It seemed like a pretty good deal."

"How could you?" she asked in a tone not unlike that of a snarling dog. "After all I've done for you. I took you in when you had nothing. I gave you a place to sleep and food to eat. I was actually _nice_ to you. And this is how you repay me?"

"Look, I was desperate, okay!" the imp man whined defensively. "My whole world was falling apart! Moxxie and Millie are working for Stolas now. Loona's a poodle and fucking his daughter. I've been blacklisted at every whorehouse and porno theater in town. I.M.P. is all I have left. I couldn't lose it to a fucking lawsuit. Hell, your dad even wrote me a check so I wouldn't have to sell it. I'm not made of stone!"

Unmoved by his plea, Charlie grabbed the flaming ring and used it to pull him closer so they were staring eye to eye.

"Listen up, you pathetic little worm." She said venomously. "The only reason you're not a sock puppet right now is because in a weird way this all kind of worked out. I finally stood up to my Dad, and at the very least, I know Vaggie and Marcy will be happy together in a universe of candy and Korean unicorns."

"_What_?" asked Angel Dust confusedly; speaking for just about everyone else in the room.

"I'll explain later." The Demon Princess replied before turning her attention back to Blitz. "Now then, how much money did my Dad give you?"

"Two-wenty thousand."

"_**How much?**_"

"Two million! It was two million dollars."

"Mine!"

"B-But I already spent a bunch of it paying off my asshole lawyer. Plus there was last night's party. Not to mention all my new suits and the Ferrari."

"Also mine! Send the suits to my tailor and give the Ferrari to Razzle and Dazzle so they can swap out my vanity plate."

"Yes Ma'am. Whatever you say. So… are we even now?"

"**Not even close!**" Charlie roared, before pausing for a moment to regain her composure. "Okay, here's what's going to happen. You're going to sell your ridiculous company to whoever will buy it and you're investing every scent of whatever you get back into this Hotel. Got it?"

"No way! That means I'll 've gone through all this shit for nothing!"

"**Tough tinkies!** But before we do that, it's time for group therapy. And you are going to be on your best behavior. You will be polite. You will take this seriously. And you will make a genuine effort to better yourself, _**OR I WILL DO SOMETHING NOT NICE!**_ Got it?"

Blitz was too terrified to answer. So instead he just nodded while sobbing pathetically.

"Good!"

And with that, she dissipated the fiery ring and let the imp man fall to the floor.

"Now go clean yourself up! You smell like piss."

Again, Blitz was too scared to reply, so he just whimpered and slowly crawled away.

"What the bloody Hell just happened?" Baxter asked aloud in confusion.

"Shut up, I don't think we're allowed to talk." Angel Dust replied in a hushed voice.

Elsewhere, Crymini had crouched into a submission position at Charlie's feet. Wagging her tail excitedly and panting heavily as she looked up at the Demon Princess with eyes full of admiration and lust.

"Oh, God help us." The angler demon groaned in exasperation.

"Yo, Boss Ma'am." Husk called from over by the window, seemingly indifferent to everything that had just happened. "Not to piss on your personal triumph, but we've got a situation over here."

"_Ugh_. What is it this time, Husk?" Charlie asked annoyedly.

"Well, I could be wrong, but it looks like Alastor, Katie Killjoy and like a thousand Fallen Angels are on the front lawn."

"_What?_" the Demon Princess exclaimed, before calming herself back down again. "Okay, everyone stay back. I'll take care of this."

With that said, Charlie marched straight for the front door and flung it wide open. And sure enough, there on the front porch were Alastor, Katie Killjoy and her Uncle Samael; easily three of her five least favorite people in the universe right now; the other two being her Dad and Helsa, of course.

"Good afternoon, Your Majesty." Katie Killjoy said with that sickeningly phony smile of hers. "You're looking well."

"I'm in no mood for any of you. Get lost." She replied bluntly.

"Well, someone's cranky today." The insectoid demon said amusedly. "But maybe this will cheer you up."

From seemingly out of nowhere, Katie produced a smartphone and held it up for Charlie to see. The screen was opened to a page on F-U-Tube featuring a video of herself castrating her father; a video which had apparently been posted earlier that morning and already had over ninety thousand likes.

"What the fuck is this?" she asked suspiciously.

"What does it look like, Cupcake? It's a video of you emasculating your daddy."

"I know what it is, smartass. I meant how did this get on the internet?"

"Well, there could be two possible explanations." Katie said slyly. "Either I planted a bunch of hidden cameras in the Castle the last time I was there, or I'm bad at math."

"_You_ did this? But… But why?"

"Don't get the wrong idea, sweet cheeks. This was more anti-him than pro-you." The ex-reporter explained. "Honestly, I wasn't expecting to be able to use anything this soon. I thought I'd have to wait until Danny was in Heaven where Lucifer couldn't touch him. But thanks to you, that's not really an issue anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"I'll field that one." Said Samael in his trademark monotone. "I'm afraid the situation with your Father is more serious than we initially realized. His castration damaged him not only physically, but spiritually and psychologically as well. And since something like this has never happened before, we're not sure when or if he'll fully recover."

"Did I really hurt him that badly?" she asked, showing only a slight hint of concern.

"I'm afraid so. It's been almost a full day and he's still too weak to even sit up. By our best estimate, it will take him at least seven decades to regain his full strength and even then he'll likely never be the same emotionally. Having your testicles removed by your own daughter can be quite the spirit breaker, I presume."

"Oh my."

"Indeed. And with Lucifer unfit to lead for the foreseeable future, it would seem we are in need of a new master."

"Wait, Wait, Wait. You want me to take over as Queen of Hell?"

"Not exactly." The deadpan angel said dully. "Your father is still the King, at least officially. But given his current state, he is unfit to serve as our Alpha Angel."

"Alpha Angel? That's a thing?"

"Is it really so surprising? We Angels were made to obey the will of a Higher Power. And in the absence of our Father and Older Brother, the next logical choice is you."

"Me?"

"That's right."

"So wait, after all this time, you're just gonna abandon my Dad and come work for me? Just like that?"

"It's our nature. We need someone to tell us what to do."

"And you couldn't have picked a better leader." Katie jumped in sycophantically. "After all, Her Majesty is the wisest, most beautiful…"

"_**How stupid do you think I am?**_" the Demon Princess asked sternly. "You're just sucking up to me so I'll let you stay here. You just want protection from the next Cleansing."

"Not true, I also want to piss off your dad." The insectoid admitted. "But if you're not swayed by flattery, then just think about all the benefits of having someone like me in your corner."

"Such as?"

"Well… as an ace reporter and former news anchor, I know every sleazy, underhanded trick a demon could use to discredit you and your Hotel. And more importantly, I know how to counter them. Get the picture?"

"Yes, I think I do." Charlie admitted reluctantly. "_Sigh_. Alright, I'll give you one chance, but _only_ one chance. So if you're gonna live here then you're gonna have to follow my rules, all of them, and if you break even one, you're out on your ass. Got it?"

"Spoken like a true Alpha."

The Demon Princess just rolled her eyes at this cheap attempt to earn her favor, and then shifted her focus onto her third visitor.

"But _you_ are most definitely not welcome!" she said to the Radio Demon furiously.

"_Moi?_" he asked innocently.

"Oui, toi!"

"_Mais pourquoi?_"

"Because you're a troublemaking asshole!"

"_So we're done with the French?_"

"Get off my property!"

"_Oh come now, Dearie. There's no need to be so hostile. After all, I helped expose your Father's sinister deception_."

"You could've done that without forcing Marcy to reveal her secret! I could've had two more months with Vaggie instead of just a few hours! Hell, maybe we could've found a way to break the curse! But now we'll never know because of your insane need to stir the pot! So give me one good reason why I shouldn't just boot you over the horizon!"

"_Because now that your Father's cut you off, I'm your only source of income_."

"Good point. Welcome back."

"_Hot dog!_"

And with that, Charlie suddenly found herself with not one, but two unscrupulous, untrustworthy allies; plus an army of Fallen Angels whose loyalty was dubious at best. This was a most unusual situation and obviously it would lead to some difficulties down the road, but strangely enough, in that moment, the Demon Princess felt quite confident.

She didn't know if it was her new status as Alpha Angel or the knowledge that Demons all over Hell were starting to take her seriously thanks to that video, but for whatever reason, Charlie suddenly felt like she could take on the world and then some.

So, in keeping with this attitude, she stood up straight, puffed out her chest, fixed her new minions with a confident look and said,

"Alright everyone, let's get to work!"

**End Notes: **

Only one chapter to go and I couldn't be more excited.

I think you're all really gonna like how this turns out.

So stay tuned.

Peace.


	26. Ch26: Laughter of the Maenads

Here it is, folks. The final chapter of my greatest fanfiction achievement to date. I've hope you've all enjoyed this wild and crazy ride through various planes of reality and I also hope that this last chapter gives you all the same sense of satisfaction that it gave me. Also, if there are any YouTubers out there who liked this story and would like to make it into an audio drama on their channel, I'd be all for that. So long as you ask for my permission first. With that said, Adventure Time is the property of Cartoon Network and Hazbin Hotel is the creation of Vivienne M. Medrano aka Vivziepop. So without any further ado, Enjoy.

Chapter 26: Laughter of the Maenads

Sunrises in the Land of Ooo were among the most beautiful in all the multiverse, at least in Vaggie's very limited experience. But if nothing else, the ones here were certainly more beautiful than the ones in Hell. Which wasn't saying much, but still she was grateful for small miracles.

It had been a little over a week since bidding a final farewell to her old universe and everything she'd ever known and things were… improving for the Fallen Angel and her Vampire Bride. It was far from perfect, but it was good enough, considering the circumstances.

After being forced out of Hell, the two newlyweds had found themselves back in the Time Room of the great and powerful Prismo. While there, Vaggie briefly entertained the idea of using her one Prismo-Wish to break their soul-bond or perhaps even alter history to make it so that none of this ever happened, but alas, those dreams were soon dashed to pieces.

You see, according to Prismo, since Vaggie was non-native to this multiverse, she was ineligible to receive a wish from this particular Wish Master. And even if she could get someone else to make a wish for her, soul bonding is, as Lucifer said, permanent and cannot be undone without destroying both souls. Likewise, they could not wish to simply undo everything because the majority of the events that led up to the Dark Wedding took place outside of Prismo's jurisdiction and therefore would remain unchanged by any temporal manipulation within it. Or in layman's terms, she would still be married to Marceline and trapped on Ooo, but would have no memory of how she got there. And since this would be much worse than her current situation, the Fallen Angel decided to drop the matter completely.

Anyway, a particularly annoying blue jay had roused Vaggie from a sound sleep around 5:00 in the morning. And since she wasn't going to get anymore sleep anyway, the Fallen Angel decided that she might as well watch the sunrise. Marceline, of course, could sleep through almost anything, so she left her to her peaceful slumber.

Schwabl, being a zombie poodle, didn't sleep in the traditional sense, so he opted to join her on the porch. Vaggie hadn't known the little fluffball for very long, but she was already quite fond of him. And how could she not be? He was just too damn cute. Not to mention excitable, affectionate, and always eager to cuddle. Just like his owner.

_Tee-Hee~_

But regardless, Vaggie and her fluffy little companion were sitting on the porch, she on the edge with her legs hanging over the side and he in her lap getting the back of his head scratched, basking in the warmth of a brand-new day; feeling totally at peace with the world.

Until…

"Hey, Honey." A familiar voice said awkwardly.

The Fallen Angel turned around and, unsurprisingly, she saw her beloved Vampire Queen floating close behind her; still wearing nothing but a sports bra and panties.

"Morning, Pussycat." She replied sweetly. "You sleep well?"

"Yeah, I slept okay. But when I woke up I was spooning with a pillow, so I got kinda worried."

"Oh, sorry. I just wanted to watch the sunrise, but you were still fast asleep. Hope I didn't freak you out."

"No, no, it's cool. It's all cool."

"Okay, so… you wanna watch the sunrise with me?"

"Oh, uh… sure. Sounds fun."

And with that bit of awkwardness out of the way, the Vampire Queen sat beside her bride to enjoy the sunrise with her.

As you may have already guessed, things were not 100% ideal between the two newlyweds. Although they were quite in love and openly affectionate with each other, the circumstances that had led them to this conclusion made it a little uneasy for them to be near one another; though not for lack of trying.

"So… you… uh… do you like it here on Ooo?" Marceline asked, seemingly out of the blue.

"What? Oh, yeah, it's nice. Really nice." Vaggie answered clumsily. "I mean, we haven't left the cave since we got here, and I've only met your friend Simon, but he was nice. And your house is nice. I mean, _our_ house. It's all so very… nice."

"Yeah, I'm sorry I haven't taken you out yet. It's just… this whole thing is so crazy and fucked up. I don't know what I'm gonna tell people."

"Well, do we have to tell them anything? I mean, it's nobody's business but our own, right?"

"Yeah, I guess. But… sooner or later, people are gonna notice that I'm back, and they're gonna wanna know where I've been. And they're _**really**_ gonna have questions about you. And I just don't know what I'm supposed to tell them."

"How about that we're married now and that we love each other? Other than that, what else do they need to know?"

"I guess you're right. But still, there's gonna be _so_ many questions and I just don't know…"

"_Shh_~" Vaggie said softly as she placed an arm around her wife's shoulder. "There, there, Pussycat. I know this isn't how either of us pictured married life, but we _are_ married and we _do_ love each other. And if we're gonna make this work, then we're gonna have to get over the how and why. And a good place to start is to stop hiding out in this cave and go face the world. Also, completely unrelated, maybe from now on you should just let me do all the housework. No offense, but we _clearly_ have different definitions of the word clean."

At this, Marceline just chuckled.

"_Heh. Heh. Heh._ Fair enough." She said, allowing herself to smile. "And I guess it wouldn't be the worst idea to go out into the world today. You know, if we can think of something to do."

Suddenly, Vaggie got an idea. A wonderful idea. A naughty idea. A wonderfully naughty idea. The perfect thing to get them out of their rut and help her precious Pussycat forget about her anxiety.

"You know, back in Hell, there was something I always wanted to do with Charlie, but we never could because of all the judgmental assholes." The Fallen Angel said innocently.

"What is it?" the Vampire Queen asked curiously.

"Well, it's… oh, never mind. You'd never go for it."

"No, come on. Tell me."

"No. You'll just laugh and say you're too cool for that sort of thing."

"No I won't. I promise. Just tell me."

"No, you'll just say it's silly."

"Oh come on! Just tell me!"

"No."

"Tell me!"

"No."

"_Please_, tell me!"

"No."

"_Ugh!_ Alright! _Sigh_. If I promise to do it, will you _please_ just tell me?"

"No matter what it is?"

"_Yes_! I promise I'll do whatever you want, no matter what it is!"

Just what Vaggie wanted to hear. So, with a charming but devilish smile, she looked deep into her beloved's eyes and said,

"Well…"

XXX

'Me and my big mouth.' Marceline thought as she floated alongside her blushing bride; although to be more accurate, she was the one who was blushing.

Couple Shirts.

Out of all the things Vaggie could've wanted them to do, she just had to pick going for a walk while wearing _couple shirts_.

And really cutesy ones too. The kind with big hearts in the middle with adorable pet names or sayings written on them. Marceline's said 'Cuddle Monster', while Vaggie's read 'Monster Food'. So cute. So embarrassing. But what was even more embarrassing was that she actually kind of liked them.

Oh well, at least they had decided on a nice, secluded section of a nearby forest for their walk, so the chances of actually running into someone were pretty slim. And she had to admit, it was rather pleasant. The two of them strolling side by side, hand in hand, underneath her cozy little parasol.

"Having fun, Pussycat?" Vaggie asked affectionately.

"You know, I actually am." She replied warmly. "I gotta admit, I was worried we'd bump into someone I know, but this is nice."

"Glad you think so, Sweetness. Because I know something that would make it even better."

"Oh yeah, what?"

Then without warning, the Fallen Angel reached over and pinched the Vampire Queen's unsuspecting posterior; causing her to let out an undignified squeak.

"D-Don't do that!" Marceline yelped; her cheeks glowing like a furnace.

"Why not? We're married, aren't we?"

"Yeah, but we're _in public_."

"Oh my~" Vaggie said amusedly. "I had no idea my sweet little Priscilla was such a prude~"

"I'm not a prude! I just… _sigh_. Look, I have an image to maintain, okay. I know it's shallow and childish, but I like that people think I'm a tough, cool chaotic neutral. _Which I am_. But if someone catches me being all lovey dovey and shit, I can kiss that image goodbye. Now do you understand why I don't want you pinching my butt out here?"

"Oh Hon, of course I understand." Vaggie said sweetly, before changing her tone to something a little sharper. "I understand that you're a big fat _chicken_."

"_Excuse me?_"

"You heard me. You're so afraid of losing your precious image that you won't be affectionate with me out in the open, even though there's no one around for miles. And that makes you a chicken."

"I'm not a chicken!"

"Are too."

"Am not!"

"Then prove it. Be affectionate. Show me just how much you adore your precious little wifey."

Never being one to backdown from a challenge, Marceline threw caution to the wind and called upon her artistic soul to help her express her true feelings.

"Where do I even start?" she asked rhetorically. "I mean, just look how far we've come in such a short time. We used to hate each other, but now… now I can't imagine going through life without you."

"Is that so?" Vaggie asked teasingly.

"Of course. I used to think Charlie was the perfect girl for me, but the two of us, we just connect so much better, and I don't just mean because of the Dark Wedding. We've both known love and pain and loss, but instead of breaking us it just made us stronger and more compassionate. And because of that we can make the sacrifices no one else can for the people we love. What I guess I'm trying to say is… I don't think I've ever felt as close to someone as I do to you, not even Bonnie. And I don't care if that's the curse talking or anything else, because being with you just feels so… right."

"You do like to lay it on thick, don't you, Pussycat." Vaggie said playfully.

"Hey, you asked."

"I know, I'm just picking. That was beautiful, Priscilla."

"You really think so?" Marceline asked, blushing a little.

"Of course. You have such a way with words. And your voice is so melodious, it makes me wanna melt."

"R-Really?"

"Hold me, Pussycat." The Fallen Angel said longingly; flashing her wife with the biggest, most adorable puppy dog eye she could muster.

"O-Okay." She stammered before pulling her beloved into a passionate embrace.

"Thank you. Thank you so much." Vaggie purred sweetly. "This whole thing has been such an ordeal. I don't think I'd 've done half as well as I have without you, Poopsie. You're my rock."

"Shh~ It's okay, Baby Doll. I've got you. And I'm never gonna let you go. I'll take care of you forever."

"Kiss me, Pussycat."

Not needing to be told twice, Marceline did as instructed and proceeded to lock lips with her darling wife. Once again, Vaggie's hands moved towards her shapely rear, grapping a cheek with each hand, only this time the Vampire Queen took the gesture in stride and deepened their kiss.

After about a minute or so of playing footsie with their tongues, the pair pulled back so they could stare longingly into each other's eyes.

"I love you, Vivienne." Said Marceline.

"I love you too, Priscilla." Replied Vaggie.

But alas, this tender moment was soon cut short by an unseen intruder.

"_Priscilla?_" said an uncomfortably familiar voice in disbelief before stifling a laugh.

Suddenly the Vampire Queen felt very sick. So with her thoughts of love derailed, she turned her head and there she saw her.

"B-B-_Bonnie_?"

And sure enough it was. The great and powerful Princess Bonnibel Bubblegum. Along with Lumpy Space Princess, Slime Princess, Hotdog Princess, Breakfast Princess, Wildberry Princess, Raggedy Princess and at least twenty others. All of them with their phones out and all of them wearing matching t-shirts that read, '**3****rd**** Annual All Princess Nature Hike**' in bold yellow letters.

Marceline felt her face heat up like a furnace as she heard the pack of gossiping royalty giggle like a bunch of schoolgirls.

"Marceline's real name is Priscilla? That's so cute~"

"Oh my gosh, I had no idea she could be this romantic."

"Marceline? More like _Marshmallow_."

"Meow~ Meow~ Pussycat~ Meow~ Meow~"

"Lovey Dovey~ Smoochie Whoochie~"

"Smile for the camera, _Poopsie_~"

"We're gonna make you internet famous!"

"#Marceline #Lovey-Dovey #Adorable #Whipped"

"Excuse me, Miss? Could you please grab her butt again? I need a better angle?"

"_Oh_~ Those shirts are just too _cute_! I can't stand it~"

And so on and so forth in that fashion.

By this point, Marceline's face was like a giant tomato. For a moment, she considered turning herself into a turtle so she could hide inside a shell for the next century or two, but these thoughts were quickly tossed aside once she noticed that her wife was laughing too.

"_You did this!_" the Vampire Queen said in a hushed but furious tone. "I don't know how, but I know you did this!"

"Sorry, Pussycat. But I don't know what you're talking about." Vaggie said, feigning innocence. "Although, now that I think about it, I do vaguely remember reading something online about a big nature hike in this part of the forest. Guess it must've slipped my mind. Oh well, so much for everyone thinking you're tough and cool."

"_Why_? Why would you do this to me?"

"I thought it would make a good icebreaker for my big introduction to Ooo. And if nothing else, now everyone knows that your new wife can pull off a prank just as well as you. Besides, I owed you one for that makeover stunt you pulled on me."

"You know I'm gonna get you for this, right?"

"You can punish me later around bedtime. For now, just try to take it like a demon, Pussycat."

To emphasize her point, Vaggie chose to punctuate that statement by affectionately booping her beloved on the nose.

Naturally, Marceline was livid, but at the same time, she sensed no malice coming from her new wife; only mischief. Which was, oddly enough, kind of a turn on. So, rather than going full Vampire Queen on the whole giggling horde, she just put her arms around her darling Baby Doll and took her public humiliation like a champ.

Elsewhere, amidst the crowd, Bonnie smiled as she saw the two of them together. Content in the knowledge that Marceline had returned home safe from wherever she had gone and that she had, by all appearances, moved on with her life.

"Welcome back, Marcy." She said softly, not even realizing she'd spoken that aloud. "Welcome back."

**The End **

And there you have it. The finale of one the greatest stories I've ever written. Though certainly not the last. I just want to thank everyone for all the comments and support. It really made all my hard work worthwhile.

With that said, I look forward to forward to reading your thoughts on this chapter and the story as a whole and I hope to see you all in my next project.

Stay Tuned…


End file.
